Saturnine_ Angel

I really want to change but I don't know how. Help?

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I really want to stop seeing the defects in others and begin to focus and work on myself but I don't know how. I make a huge effort to be non-judgemental but I still see this aspect in myself and I see myself hating certain characteristics of other specially my friends. I really hate some things in them and I see them as evil sometimes. I didn't want to be like this and I know I have this in me because my mother is like this and maybe also my father a little... I want to work on myself more and more and bring the best on my friends and not the worst. I don't do it for their bad I just wanted them to be better. I have very few friends and I judge them sometimes I ask why I'm among idiots because that's what they are like sometimes. Well now I'm living in a house with girls and I don't think they are idiots they seem to be great... Just one of them is a little bit stupid sometimes maybe. Maybe I have to be more tolerant and have more compassion? But they make me feel bad and sad. I didnt want to blame it onn them but that's what happens. They do something stupid and I feel bad or sad. I feel I deserve that. I feel I'm worthless that's why they treat me like that sometimes. Well I don't know what to do to balance the situation and bring equilibrium between accepting them as they are and being non-judgemental and creating boundaries that protect my self-esteem and integrity. What do you think?

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Maybe the judgements you hold towards them are reflecting aspects within you that need examining?

Bottom line.. Self love! It's so hard I know. Especially if we beat ourselves up all the time. 

Take this awareness that you have cultivating by judging others and use to empower yourself. I think it's wonderful that you can actually admit to it.. So be grateful!

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