Violet Dove

Am I an ass hole for not wanting to spend time with family?

34 posts in this topic

I keep getting invited to things and I just dont want to hang out with my family, is it going to bite me in the ass one day? I dunno I love them but right now I just cant stand them.

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I can relate to this, I think no matter how much time we spend with family in the end we will always feel like it wasn't enough. I go through periods like this where I can't stand my family and I take space and I feel like that's healthy and it makes the time I spend with them more meaningful and enjoyable. 

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This certainly sounds familiar. Try to explain to them that you are busy working on yourself and when you are ready you will continue to interact with them. Dont worry about what others think, you can not control that anyway, their own sub conscience will be playing the usual tricks on them. Think of yourself for a while , remembering to be compassionate and loving to others. These things put my mind at ease. Remember , you need not explain you actions to others. Be gentle with yourself.

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every time I have to go to a family reunion it ends up being fun, always. but I never want to go, even though its fun every time. depends on your situation.

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It may just be your sub conscience messing with you.  Being with family and friends is far better than isolation , as was my case. I once had trouble just leaving the house. Every time I did go somewhere, I enjoyed it. These are issues than can be repaired by ourselves.  Our sub conscience can mess with us but solutions are available. Check out Teals videos and watch them several times over to ensure you soak it all up. The advice there, is worth your weight in gold. Spend some time on the net to research this topic, information from all areas can only be a benefit. These methods have served me well.

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@Craig I love this thread! I'm also wondering when the sub conscience will stop messing with us.  Although it's probably getting something from all of what it does but still.. It'd be far easier on us if it really served us in our practical, still 3d life, although it's not 3d for most people and it's more of a perspective since things are far deeper than many can imagine!  ;3

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I am working on the last of my problems , but I get from all the info around that ,  very big and some what daunting changes are on our doorstep. To retrain our minds is vital. To reprogram ourselves for this change. I welcome this and have an intuitive feel that better days are closer than we could imagine. I only became aware 2 months ago. A lot to catch up on. What helps me understand is to investigate the subject and among st all the crap a clear message will appear. I hope my sub conscience will continue to teach me things about myself. I think thats the way it works? It is a tool too , isnt it.

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I think a lot of this depends on how conditional love is. And we're always going  feel that, especially from our family. If we're expected to be or act a certain way - all is good. So, maybe the resistance to spend time with them is also a way for us to prove that we can do what the hell we want to do :D

 

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On 7/22/2016 at 0:13 PM, Violet Dove said:

is it going to bite me in the ass one day? I dunno I love them but right now I just cant stand them.

When you're in a need of help and call them - you will know.

Also. Not every family can relate and be genuinely  happy for you when you're doing well.  In this case love and compassion helps...

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I have a definite opinion on this because this is an issue I have faced. If people are treating you badly, family or not, you need to rethink their role in your life. By spending lots of time with people who treat you badly you undermine your own power and create victimhood. By doing the inverse (controlling your availability to them) you sew seeds of self respect. If your family is so bad that they hate you for standing up for yourself then I don't think you can rely on them to help you when you are in need thereby negating any benefit you can get from them and only perpetuating negative energy by associating yourself with them. I'd hope such an extreme scenario would evolve however.

Edited by Ollie
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2 hours ago, Ollie said:

I have a definite opinion on this because this is an issue I have faced. If people are treating you badly, family or not, you need to rethink their role in your life. By spending lots of time with people who treat you badly you undermine your own power and create victimhood. By doing the inverse (controlling your availability to them) you sew seeds of self respect. If your family is so bad that they hate you for standing up for yourself then I don't think you can rely on them to help you when you are in need thereby negating any benefit you can get from them and only perpetuating negative energy by associating yourself with them. I'd hope such an extreme scenario would evolve however.

This is true, and very valid. I want to mention that not all family members may be filled with such negativity and hostility. family can hold you back in many ways. my family loves me so much they want me to stay there and let them fix me and tell me what the good choices are. they refuse to see depression, if you notice a family member isnt happy, you tell them whats wrong and how to fix it. then when they dont, you ostracize the family member in distress, because they didnt listen and its their fault. maybe my family has more issues than I realize... I am SO not ready to help them though. they all live in places that are either currently being obliterated by gaia, or are in places of great danger..so my feelings about "helping" them are conflicted.

the beginning of the summer, I cut myself off. not just from family, but for sure they got blocked out as I discovered who I am, and what my truth is. They have, had, no input. They helped shape me, and that was all the impact they got on this process. I have talked to them a few times since then, but my solitude continues. But I was honest with them, that I am healing, and it is a process that they are not invited to. my identity is not entwined with them. They are my human family,  and I appreciate that they kept me alive until I could care for myself.

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24 minutes ago, greyswan said:

my family loves me so much they want me to stay there and let them fix me and tell me what the good choices are

Yeah this has been a problem for me. My family loves me too and wants to help me but they have made much worse choices than I and can't be pleased for my success. Their idea of helping would actually be very harmful for me.

24 minutes ago, greyswan said:

I want to mention that not all family members may be filled with such negativity and hostility.

Of course. I should hope so!

24 minutes ago, greyswan said:

they refuse to see depression, if you notice a family member isnt happy, you tell them whats wrong and how to fix it. then when they dont, you ostracize the family member in distress, because they didnt listen and its their fault.

I don't believe in ostracizing, only keeping harmful people at a distance so long as they are harming you. In my family's case they are damaged enough that they aren't going to be able to stop harming me when we interact so I think we will probably be distant forever. I tried to challenge that several times but they didn't want to hear so I've done all I can. C'est la vie.

@Atom I can't comment on your objection if you don't explain it. But perhaps you prefer not to discuss?

Edited by Ollie

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Just now, Ollie said:

Yeah this has been a problem for me. My family loves me too and wants to help me but they have made much worse choices than I and can't be pleased for my success. Their idea of helping won't help me.

Of course, that's why my piece began with a conditional statement (2nd sentence).

I don't believe in ostracizing, only keeping harmful people at a distance so long as they are harming you. In my family's case they are damaged enough that they aren't going to be able to stop harming me when we interact so I think we will probably be distant forever. I tried to challenge that several times but they didn't want to hear so I've done all I can. C'est la vie.

@Atom I can't comment on your objection if you don't explain it. But perhaps you prefer not to discuss?

I said no because I believe that nobody is obligated to anybody. You should try your best to live your own life that makes your happy. If you do not vibe with others, the others will just drain your energy and make your unhappy. If you are living for your highest good and what makes your happy, people that are not the same vibration as you will drop off and people with the same vibration will appear.

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