Krystine

No compassion from my mother

4 posts in this topic

All she sees are my faults and the mistakes I've made. No concern whatsoever of the circumstances I was in. This makes me feel like she will never understand where I'm coming from and will always seek to change me AND make me feel ashamed of my past. The main problem is that every time we are in conflict there is nothing I can say or do that will make it better or lead to a path of understanding. Whatever I say just leads to more pain and anger...

How do I manage these feelings when no resolution can come between us?

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44 minutes ago, Krystine said:

All she sees are my faults and the mistakes I've made. No concern whatsoever of the circumstances I was in. This makes me feel like she will never understand where I'm coming from and will always seek to change me AND make me feel ashamed of my past. The main problem is that every time we are in conflict there is nothing I can say or do that will make it better or lead to a path of understanding. Whatever I say just leads to more pain and anger...

How do I manage these feelings when no resolution can come between us?

My mom and I have this issue. There just can't be compromise and this is often times painful. I alternate between sadness because she doesn't understand me and hatred because she is so close minded and unwilling to accept any new perspectives. I think my ideal solution is somewhere between those two. I'm trying to show her compassion and to avoid discussions about the past by simply being honest and saying "When we talk about that often we begin to argue and I would like to spend our time together in a better way, a way we both can enjoy."

If I find I have a lot of conflict I try to work it out, if I can't, I won't have people in my life  who chronically make me feel bad about myself. I don't care who that is, I've cut back a lot of the time I used to spend with my parents in favor of people who build my view of self up, not tear it down. I'm much happier now. :) 

 

 

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@authorofdarkness Wow! I feel so much better after reading what you wrote...now I don't feel so alone in this. I'm so glad you can relate because it really decreases my feelings of powerlessness about the situation. What a tough dynamic...but You're right you've gotta accept it is what it is and start preserving who you are. And what you can do is only limit your time to doing things that are recreational and positive. I'm sure this will help my mother and I both at moving past the pain...

Thanks so much for your post :big-hug-yahoo-emoticon:

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2 minutes ago, Krystine said:

@authorofdarkness Wow! I feel so much better after reading what you wrote...now I don't feel so alone in this. I'm so glad you can relate because it really decreases my feelings of powerlessness about the situation. What a tough dynamic...but You're right you've gotta accept it is what it is and start preserving who you are. And what you can do is only limit your time to doing things that are recreational and positive. I'm sure this will help my mother and I both at moving past the pain...

Thanks so much for your post :big-hug-yahoo-emoticon:

 

Always happy to be of service :) 

 

 

 

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