Jerry Tyfting

How do you meet your wants/needs when you are physically alone?

11 posts in this topic

Yea so currently I live alone and yet I do have a wanting to physically hold another. This I have difficulties wrapping my head around how to satisfy such wants/needs when you have nobody to ask to meet them with. A need for company is there too...just sensing that there is someone near me who wants to be near me.
I have a lot of other physical wants too such as sexual interactions and playfulness as well. Some of it I can meet but the core feel is the same, a sense of loneliness.

I can tell you now though that the statement "just be with yourself" makes me feel so angry...it is like telling a starving child to "go get your own food".

So any ideas of how to meet these wants and needs if you are alone? 

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It's true, you can't hug someone who isn't there. Ultimately all these experiences are just that though, experiences, and they create a feeling inside. Without taking action in life, we can't necessarily give ourselves those experiences on the physical level but we can choose to give ourselves the internal experience. Identify what it is the experience of holding someone really about on the inside, and then choose to simply give yourself that experience unconditionally. In this case perhaps it might be acceptance, warmth, connection. 

Chances are you're going to start feeling resistence about why you can't give it to yourself. Maybe that's a good direction to explore into,. 

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Thank you.
At the same time I feel angry about "just be with yourself" I also somewhere agree with that statement.
The connection part is definitively true. I want to feel that connection as well. Anothers heart space to be more precise, where the energy radiates from.
 I have gotten closer to that feeling but practicing it with another would make this practice a lot faster.
 The thought of being my own provider for everything feels so...heavy. Imagen someone with you and maybe half of that focus can go to something else you want to focus on.
 

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I understand the frustration of the statement of "just be with yourself"

Well it's a bit funny, if you examine the thread title of meeting needs "when you are physically alone" implies that you can't do anything else even if you tried! You're with yourself whether you like it or not. 

3 minutes ago, Jerry Tyfting said:

The thought of being my own provider for everything feels so...heavy. Imagen someone with you and maybe half of that focus can go to something else you want to focus on.

Are you not not providing for yourself now? Any time we look for someone else to fulfill us it's not going to end well. I think you have to fill your own cup first regardless of circumstance then approach a relationship from a place of abundance, otherwise chances are even if you had someone to hold, at the being level there would either be reasons as to why you still wouldn't feel what you wanted, or the experience would likely only be temporarily.  

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6 minutes ago, boxofrain said:

Are you not not providing for yourself now?

I got to answer no I'm not to this. I have felt a negative spiraling focus lately. Having someone there would make it easier for me to keep a positive focus.
Though I feel heavily influenced by a previous relationship in a very negative way and now I do struggle to find ways to provide that cup filling capacity I had before.
The positive results from shadow work and integration work I have done is still there though so I can feel an inner peace...huh that feels so weird. 

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I completely understand the desire to have someone else in your life to share experiences and interact with on so many levels, though at this time, you also don't have to suffer in its absence. What's great is that you don't have to wait to feel love or caring. Maybe unconditional self-love is in order. Not deciding to love yourself for any *reasons*, but loving yourself just to love yourself with no condition to be met.

3 hours ago, boxofrain said:

Any time we look for someone else to fulfill us it's not going to end well.

Boxofrain is right on here. Many people are looking for relationships to fill voids within themselves instead of looking for a relationship to *compliment* their life. You don't want someone to fill a desperate void in you, or you'll become dependent on this person's existence. It's my belief that unconditional self-love will always provide the tools for learning and positivity in one's journey.

Another method to alleviate the stress/frustration is to simply witness yourself in imagination as being in your perfect relationship. Picturing this is only to conjure the emotion of it in you. Witness as happening *in this present moment, not sometime in the future*. Fill yourself with that vision, that warm feeling, and remain in that space when you lie down to sleep. Your inner emotional world doesn't have to reflect the physical circumstance. We have that freedom.

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1 hour ago, PrimaMateria_ said:

Your inner emotional world doesn't have to reflect the physical circumstance. We have that freedom.

It is funny how I used to speak and act more like this before the negatively influential relationship I had. Yea it really messed my sense of self and messed with my senses much more than I originally thought.

It is a recovery path I'm on now, re-finding and restructuring beliefs and soften up enough to feel things clearer again. Interesting how I went through this experience to fully know what I wanted and to mirror back to me a very important deep feeling lesson to learn.
I reached a peak of softness once, I can reach there again and more improved this time around...heh that sounded cool :)

Thank you.     

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Awareness and perception can help you feel better. I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason and how important perception is in shaping my reality.  It has taken me 2 eight year relationships and a two year marriage to realize that I have to become the person I want to be in order to attract the type of guy I want and deserve.  When I am functioning on a low frequency I attract low frequency individuals on both romantic and friendship levels.  These individuals do not help you grow and often times hold you back from becoming your authentic self. :) I am romantically alone for the first time in almost 18 years and have grown more in the past two years then I have in the past twenty. When I was in these relationships my likes and interests started to change in order to compliment our schedules and leisure time spent together. This made breaking up more painful because I started to question whether my interests were my own or did they make me a good girlfriend at the time.  To be completely honest,  I am happier being alone.  Relationships take a lot of time and effort.  I just don't have the time to invest in texting, flirting, dating, etc while I'm working on getting to where I want to be. When I become who I want to be then my  relationship will be on a level where I will grow from it and not be held back. I hope this helps :)

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9 hours ago, Lizzy said:

consider looking for someone to be with you instead of try to be ok with being alone, if that doesn't seem to be working

This I have been trying to do for years subconsciously and consciously...to find another though it seems very difficult when spirituality is involved.
There are very specific lifestyles that have got to click otherwise it wont work.

 

9 hours ago, Lizzy said:

but emotionally you are not fufilled because you actually do need the healing to take place within the context of a relationship

This I agree with. Having barely had any deeper or lasting connections with anyone from birth,  healthy relationships would heal that part. The loner path I have done most of my life, heck I'm pretty good at it based on where I come from.

I appreciate the validation. 

@Shay I hear you. When you have been used to relationships, having time on your own does feel good. For me however I come from years of loneliness so relationships for me would feel good.   

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@Jerry Tyfting, I feel you totally i think i'm in a similar position... I learned that human skin actually yearns for touch and that is a basic need, so what i would do is if i were you and if you have the finances to do so, go to a professional masseur that feels sympathetic and get a massage and try that out and see if it works, in addition to doing shadow-work (sitting with that anger, and the feeling of isolation, and finding the core wound from childhood and fathering your own inner child... a relationship wont turn that work unneeded, even when you find friends and partners that is something i recommend doing parallel). or go to a homeopathy-practitioner and get the remedy that would help to heal that wound (thats what im actually about to do as i can afford that but not a massage). get your need for touch met and then from that vibration watch how it affects your life. you could see on the member-map if there is a community in your vicinity and get in contact with like-minded people. i hope that gives you some ideas to work with!

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Hey Jerry,

 

Have you considered finding a church that you are comfortable with, and maybe connecting with someone there. ( I know, a church doesn't guarantee finding a good person.)

 

Good luck friend   Namaste

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