EyesOfTheLion

Performance anxiety in the bedroom affecting my masculinity

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Performance anxiety in the bedroom affecting my masculinity

I'm struggling with performance anxiety in the bedroom. Every time I'm about to get sexually intimate with a woman, I'm unable to get and maintain an erection. When I'm alone by myself masturbating (watching porn), I have no problem with this. I try to cope with my smoking marijuana before I have sex to relieve the stress. It works most of the time but sometimes even that doesn't work. I'm pretty sure the problem is psychological but I'm also wondering if it is physical because I cannot seem to maintain an erection for very long even if I do manage to get an erection somehow. Please help me with this. This makes my insecurity about my manhood/masculinity even worse!

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Poor chi (life force) and blocked chakras will affect our reproductive system. Diet, exercise, and emotional health are good places to look for answers.

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Maybe in less tangent ways, it could be lack of certain energy and life force. But I think more tangible and acute, the problem is in my eyes 100% psychological. Anxiety betrays, that a fear is running underneath all of your intimate interactions with women. Really get face to face with it, try to trace back where this fear is coming from. My wild guess is that it has to do with disappointment while setting yourself really high bars, and loss of love because of it. But it could be something else entirely. Only you can find out the truth behind this fear.

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Hi EyesOfTheLion,

You could take the focus away from yourself in intimate situations by concentrating on your partner more. I'm sure you already do this, but it will help her feel more special, and take your focus away from your own thoughts and worries.

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Unfortunately we live in the age of sexual overstimulation, so i am not surprised hearing men having a problem with maintaining erection long enough. Statistically it is said that a man thinks about sex... every 4 min? I may have very old stats... Anyway... add all the images and stimuli and you might begin to understand the bigger issue. At least back in 90's porn wasn't everywhere easily available (speaking of my country), thus it was like WoW . Nowadays... I don't know. 

If you look at animals, and it's spring season by the way, animals are called to mate when their bodies  are calling towards each other like magnets -> <-   , not their brains.  Human brain may be all ready and wired right, but if the body doesn't feel it... Then it's like forcing yourself to eat more than your body acutually needs and often it takes certain physical stimulation for that to happen. It doesn't mean we don't use brain... we are given intellect for a great reason, so we can  use it in conjunction with what, when, with who etc. we do have sex and that what differes us from primitive living. 

 

When body is ready, physicality is there to enjoy and prolong the pleasure, not so much to "maintain" it. 

 

Overeating is real. Too much sex is real. Overeating leads to health issues. Too much sex leads to burn out. If you are burned out, what happens to the body? It shuts down. It goes into  rest mode to preserve itself. 

 

Age. If you are a healthy male under 25, chances are you were raised irresponsibly towards your own sexuality. Only education + practice-practice-practice + time + and the partner you are with can change and prolong the pleasure. Untill then, please use condoms. 

Also any man who strives towards having better experience will tell you, that it's only when you begin to aim for quality, not quantity, is when everything turns around for the best.

Time pressure. It is very common to live a very set life where , let's say, a man  goes to work Mon-Fr and spends weekends for leisure, that may includes the only two days when he sees his woman. This can potentially create pressure on both sides to use the time off to fulfill the "duty". Not very sexy. And you smoking prior seeing a woman, tells me that you know it's coming therefore you planning ahead of time -> this adds to your stress level. Please do not set unrealistic expectations no matter what you may hear other people do. I've heard one sex couch saying she knows a couple that has sex every single day (both big CEO's with 4 children), so that maybe inspiring for those families who feel like they don't have time. You, on the other side, have time to watch porn at your convince  and perhaps  do other things, so maybe you could share with your partner what inspires and excites you, instead of hoping things just happen out of thin air because if your partner doesn't know, let's say she doesn't know what porn you are watching, then she can only do what she knows. 

Note. If you feel that you can not show your gf the porn you are masturbating to, then it's probably a good indicator that you know you shouldn't be watching it, especially if that contradicts  morally with your partner. Put an effort to find a page where you both can be on.

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You know I got a funny theory about the penis: to me the penis leads its very own independant life just like a cat does.

In other words this very one organ is absolutely allergic to orders and feelings of obligations of all kind: give it an order, it will do the exact contrary.

I am stating all of these from an obvious female experience and perspective but I can assure you I noticed how stubborn this animal can be when you try to control it -a mistake many many men do!

Simply give up the idea of a performance with your partner, and you should see wonders :)

I guess Teal would call that "surrender".

Let it be!

love and cheers,

Deneb

Edited by Deneb

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Belief systems have been trying to control the cat of women for thousands of years!

Gender perspective provides the best entertainment!

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On 4/5/2019 at 4:55 PM, Pecos said:

Belief systems have been trying to control the cat of women for thousands of years!

Gender perspective provides the best entertainment!

Glad I could entertain you Pecos :)

Yes, human beliefs system have been trying to control the cat of women for the cat of women is also the tunnel that can welcome life.

I can remember a sociologist who said that if men were so drawn to control women whatever the society it was because man "fear this power to give life" so by controlling women men have the illusion they control life, too.

A quote I like lot is something that could be translated into "Women control men who control the world (so women rule the world)" -in french it goes "Les femmes dirigent les hommes qui dirigent le monde".

love and cheers,

Deneb

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Leonard Schlain, in "The Alphabet Versus The Goddess", attempts to document the subjugation of women as we transitioned from matriarchy to patriarchy. Using the early writings of the old testament as one example.

I concluded men subjugated women so he could in turn control the minds of other men. Belief systems appear to be more believable when published.

 

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