ste92k

Why do I attract people that don't keep their words?

16 posts in this topic

Hello there :) 

I'm thinking about my patterns in relationships and what kind of people I attract through the law of attraction. 

I'm wondering why I attract guys that don't keep their words much and as a consequence let me down and therefore I can't trust them. It doesn't have to be a big promise, but even just many small things. What would you learn from people that don't keep their words?

To me Authenticity, Honesty, Integrity, Trust are very important, so I really hate it when people lie to me, and I wonder what it is in me that it's mirroring that outside. Maybe being unworthy of respect or maybe I'm learning how to believe in myself and trust my own intuition no matter who these people are (yes, I discovered that not all spiritual people value their words and feel responsible of their own actions, as this guy was into spirituality)... Anyway it's a constant in my relationships. (I also put other people on a pedestal which makes it harder to then trust my own intuition.)

How can it be that someone that keeps and values their words attract people that doesn't keep their words? I'm not sure how the law of attraction works in this case.

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only you will know.  but it probably means these guys are a relfection of something internal about you...that ur higher self wants you to change. so attracting these ppl will make u become aware and change. as for wat u have to change idk...only u can make the connection...

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because I grew up with a pathological liar I cant stand liars, I would rather hear some hurtful thing than to be lied to. I think people just don't want to hurt your feelings, but lying is hurting my feelings lol. I think its just some layers clearing up... or everyone is somewhat a liar and you remember those lies, it isn't personal. depends on the lies I guess. ask yourself, what do you say?

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Hi there. I recently watched one of Teal Swans videos about releasing resistance, because what we resist, persists. Perhaps asking yourself the following questions will help uncover your resistance to people not keeping their word. As odd as it may sound, what is so bad about someone breaking a promise? Can you find the positive in it? Perhaps the positive is that in breaking a promise they made to you, they are honouring themselves. Maybe they promised to take you out on a date, but they had a really bad day and feel exhausted. So in honouring themselves and what they need, they decide to stay home and relax. Have you found yourself in a situation where you made a promise to someone that you wish you could break? What would be so bad if you did?

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11 hours ago, M in Cambridge said:

Hi there. I recently watched one of Teal Swans videos about releasing resistance, because what we resist, persists. Perhaps asking yourself the following questions will help uncover your resistance to people not keeping their word. As odd as it may sound, what is so bad about someone breaking a promise? Can you find the positive in it? Perhaps the positive is that in breaking a promise they made to you, they are honouring themselves. Maybe they promised to take you out on a date, but they had a really bad day and feel exhausted. So in honouring themselves and what they need, they decide to stay home and relax. Have you found yourself in a situation where you made a promise to someone that you wish you could break? What would be so bad if you did?

The thing is that it's not the promise itself. It's about not coming back to what they've promised and change it. Like for example like you said if they feel exhausted but they promised to take me out on a date, I completely understand that. It happens. As long as they say it and maybe suggest another time to meet. This person didn't even say for example "sorry I know I promised I was gonna do that, but I feel tired today. Can we meet this other day?".

I completely understand the fact that you honour yourself, but I think there's also some kind of responsibility you have towards what you say to others. (I'm talking in general not to you personally)

And yeah I watched that video too :) and I thought it could be a similar thing.. Well if somebody breaks a promise or doesn't follow up with they've said, I can't trust him or her, therefore without trust there's no relationship to me.

Edited by ste92k
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9 hours ago, walt said:

We are not here to place expectations on others or to project our beliefs and preferences. Our purpose is to live life to the fullest and appreciate all those beings we encounter on our journey.

I'm not 'placing an expectation' or 'projecting a belief' on someone, and I'm sorry if I sounded that way to you or anyone else. I'm just saying that this is what I want if I have somebody in my life and as a consequence I believe I've got to set a certain amount of expectations: I want a certain level of respect, I want a certain level of honesty and integrity. I don't want to be treated that way.

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12 hours ago, Alex7 said:

because I grew up with a pathological liar I cant stand liars, I would rather hear some hurtful thing than to be lied to. I think people just don't want to hurt your feelings, but lying is hurting my feelings lol. I think its just some layers clearing up... or everyone is somewhat a liar and you remember those lies, it isn't personal. depends on the lies I guess. ask yourself, what do you say?

Yeah I felt betrayed a lot in my family directly and indirectly, so like you I can't stand lies. And definitely I want to hear the truth than to be lied to, because 'it hurts my feelings' (I think when we say we don't wanna hurt someone else's feelings it's just a shadow aspect for something deeper, like for example we are afraid they might react aggressively if we tell the truth).

Good point though. It makes me think that I might actually be really sensible to lies because of my childhood. Like I'm in that mode where I always have to watch out for lies because of the beliefs I have such as 'people betray me', 'people lie'...

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This can teach you forgiveness and that you can't rely on people. I know the latter sounds kind of negative and its not necessarily meant to, but this pattern is evidence that people can't be trusted. It doesn't mean everyone will go behind your back or that they're out to get you, but you can gain more independence in this and realize you don't have to rely on other people for whatever it is you're relying on them for. This can help you plan better too. Since there's a chance that someone won't follow through with their word, you can think ahead of time what you can do in that situation. Just try to see the positive in the situation because I believe these are all good things you can get out of this. :happyderp-min:

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13 hours ago, ste92k said:

The thing is that it's not the promise itself. It's about not coming back to what they've promised and change it. Like for example like you said if they feel exhausted but they promised to take me out on a date, I completely understand that. It happens. As long as they say it and maybe suggest another time to meet. This person didn't even say for example "sorry I know I promised I was gonna do that, but I feel tired today. Can we meet this other day?".

I completely understand the fact that you honour yourself, but I think there's also some kind of responsibility you have towards what you say to others. (I'm talking in general not to you personally)

And yeah I watched that video too :) and I thought it could be a similar thing.. Well if somebody breaks a promise or doesn't follow up with they've said, I can't trust him or her, therefore without trust there's no relationship to me.

Reading one of the messages you replied to someone else, it sounds like you experienced hurt in your childhood from feeling betrayed by your family. I can imagine that would be a painful thought to carry, and something to want to resist feeling again for sure. I remember another of Teal's videos discussing how we all carry painful thoughts from our childhood that are begging for attention and to be acknowledged. Maybe this part of you that feels betrayed by your family needs to be comforted and know that whatever feelings come up when someone breaks their promise (and doesn't follow through), those feelings are all valid. It's absolutely okay to feel angry or hurt at the thought that your family betrayed you. It is absolutely okay to feel like it's hard to trust other people because of that. Be gentle with yourself, you are doing the best you can.

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@ste92k

Maybe we should put aside the LOA for a moment:

Authenticity, Honesty, Integrity, Trust are all but forgotten in society. They are all forced to take a backseat to the personal world that everyone is kind of trapped in. The percentage of people who are able to live according to virtue is very small, and this has generally been true for all time.

So, it is simply a matter of statistics that most people you attract will not have these desired characteristics, and especially if you are attracting people from the general stock. For example, any "modern" person is going to score exceedingly low in all those categories.

A friend of a friend was once asking the same question, while dating some guy who looked like he was an MTV vj. When I asked why she dated guys who emulate societal prestige (in a corrupt society) she didn't quite get it. It's what is propagated as "attractive," so it was deemed desirable. Sure enough, he screwed her over.

Does this shed any light upon your inquiry?

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Thanks everyone for helping me out with this.

Just for future reference or if it might help other people in the future I want to say that:

In the end I figured it was because it was teaching me honesty and how to be honest with myself. So then if I am honest with myself I would attract people that are honest and that they say what they mean. It was also teaching me when they don't value their words, to value the words I use towards myself.

Also I hold this expectation: I expect(or believe) that people who come close to me are untrustworthy/unreliable, which is a sort funny way of protecting myself from relationships (which I subconsciously believe are painful).

So the exact copy of my beliefs about relationships and people who come close to me manifests into reality.

I'm not sure this is all, but it's part of it.

Edited by ste92k
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On ‎7‎/‎14‎/‎2016 at 1:35 PM, ste92k said:

Hello there :) 

I'm thinking about my patterns in relationships and what kind of people I attract through the law of attraction. 

I'm wondering why I attract guys that don't keep their words much and as a consequence let me down and therefore I can't trust them. It doesn't have to be a big promise, but even just many small things. What would you learn from people that don't keep their words?

To me Authenticity, Honesty, Integrity, Trust are very important, so I really hate it when people lie to me, and I wonder what it is in me that it's mirroring that outside. Maybe being unworthy of respect or maybe I'm learning how to believe in myself and trust my own intuition no matter who these people are (yes, I discovered that not all spiritual people value their words and feel responsible of their own actions, as this guy was into spirituality)... Anyway it's a constant in my relationships. (I also put other people on a pedestal which makes it harder to then trust my own intuition.)

How can it be that someone that keeps and values their words attract people that doesn't keep their words? I'm not sure how the law of attraction works in this case.

I learned to stay away from people who obviously truly don't give a crap about you.. for me that's currently 3

It breaks my heart, but... I gotta do what I gotta do

Plan is

Don't engage in conversation with them unless totally necessary as much as I can

Be kind and try not to hate, because... everyone is going through something, so even though they have drilled me into a hole

I shall be kind for them as much as I can even though they have sacrificed me like a lamb I feel

So... if you can help it

Stay away from people who have actions and words that don't align

 

 

1 hour ago, Hyejin Jang said:

I really like your question. I have been struggling with this pattern too. I am all about being honest. I condider being honest in a relationship  is the most basic and important thing in the world. But the guys I fell in love was the men who could lie easily.... they may have done that not to cause a problem in the relationship....without any bad intention...but......it was still hurtful and made me feel nervuous all the time. I was always fearful that one day, I might be betrayed in any way.

 

Anyhow.... I was also curious about how to break this pattern..but coouldn't feagure out the cause of this pattern....

I really just wanted to say you are really really beautiful

Nothing more nothing less <3

You deserve a man to treat you the way you want to be

I hope the best for you

 

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4 minutes ago, Hyejin Jang said:
4 minutes ago, Hyejin Jang said:

 

Thank you so much..for saying that. It has been a while to hear those words.

I have been feeling so gloomy these days becuase of many events... in my life...but ... your words  cheered me up.

Thank you ..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not sure how it is even possible for you to not hear those words, must be pretty stupid men that lack the comprehension of recognizing beauty.

You are welcome

 

4 minutes ago, Hyejin Jang said:

 

 

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On 14/07/2016 at 4:35 PM, ste92k said:

I wonder what it is in me that it's mirroring that outside.

do you lie to yourself? do you sometimes tell yourself/make yourself believe stuff (about the world, the circumstances or about yourself) that makes you feel better, even if, secretly, deep down you know is not so? a sign to that would be a tendency to make up excuses - for others, for circumstances or for yourself. 

looking at it as a pattern is good, because you can get to the core of it, but at the same time is a double edged sword, because it carries the risk of you twisting it's meaning in a way that would feel better when you investigate it. is how we generally avoid responsibility over stuff we don't like and end up giving our power away in the process. 

even when is someone else lying to us, if we believe them, is still us lying to ourselves, because, truly, we know when someone is lying. our senses tell us that, we just choose to overlook it. do you know that moment when you discover a long lasting lie and you look back and in retrospect all the moments connected to it just click and you realise you've always known something was off about it?

and, do you keep your word to yourself, when you promise yourself something? 

 

 

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On ‎7‎/‎15‎/‎2016 at 4:42 AM, ste92k said:

Yeah I felt betrayed a lot in my family directly and indirectly, so like you I can't stand lies. And definitely I want to hear the truth than to be lied to, because 'it hurts my feelings' (I think when we say we don't wanna hurt someone else's feelings it's just a shadow aspect for something deeper, like for example we are afraid they might react aggressively if we tell the truth).

Good point though. It makes me think that I might actually be really sensible to lies because of my childhood. Like I'm in that mode where I always have to watch out for lies because of the beliefs I have such as 'people betray me', 'people lie'...

Totally relate

I've been hurt so many times it's not even funny

Started as a child

I'm actually a bit nervous to face shadow work...so..

Right now I'm going to look up Teal Swans graduated PR actioners to do some shadow work and face my fears

The eye of the tiger RRRAAAAAAAAWWWRR!!! =)

Edited by YourDarkSide

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