Deneb

Soul flu/Absolute Uncertainty

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Soul flu/Absolute Uncertainty

This topic could be a mixture between the one I called "Help me I am in Hell" and another one called "Terror to live on my own".

I am going to try and live minute by minute since I live too far away from the sea to solve and dissolve things my very own way.

 

My pains are back but I can stand them. My feelings of isolation, confusion and despair are being back too: 

I feel like I have so much too say and vent about but I am getting to the point where writing these lines almost seem "vain" to me because I do not have the strengh to put all issues I now see so clearly into human words.

 

I see myself and my current situations with all pieces of the fragments.

I am both the prison and the prisoner. 

 

Absolute uncertainty is the keyword to my current material situation: me and my roommate could lose our appartment anytime now.

I am so so f... lost.

Sad.

Angry.

Mourning.

Sick -caught a very very bad cold lol.

 

I love to help people, this seems to be running in my veins but why can't I help me some more?? Is it only a "depression"

Or did I  forbid myself to live and be happy and not even see that part of me?

 

I am grateful to Teal because she is the only one who already kept from pushing the reset button (again)

I am grateful to this forum that is plenty of souls who suffer but will eventually shine their light onto this world.

I am grateful we alll have a skyteam that will always support us no matter what.

I am grateful you got to read me entirely

❣️

Deneb

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Colds can be a pain, especially if you might be facing uncertainty, where you would prefer to be at full power with maximized awareness. I call it worry with a hint of confusion.

Maybe you would lessen the burden by reducing the uncertainty a little. "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst." It a fairly solid philosophy, especially if you try to live minute to minute.

Are you trying to live minute to minute to push back the fear that you could lose your apartment and all the things tied to that (storage & stuff to move and all that busy stuff)? Proximity to just about everything (stores, work, etc...) Things you might be comfortable with. As you approach the inflection point, where the fog of war clears and the uncertainty materialized into reality.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt, if you already haven't done so to create a little of your own certainty.


 Play out the possible scenarios.

1. You lose your apartment.

2. You don't lose your apartment, but its only delayed for a short time.

3. You don't lose your apartment and that worry is taken off the table.


There could be a gazillion other outcome of all flavors.

Preparing for the worst, as in the above saying, could be just a temporary fallback position.  Take care of your basic needs and immediate needs first, to at least give you some more time to figure out what to do next. A little breathing room. If the situation is bad enough, communicate with people in your locality. If you have any family, friends, boss, co-worker, neighbor, local politician or just about anybody, see if they might have some suggestions available in your area.
If you've done this, there would still be plenty left to figure out for most people. Buy a giant tent if you have too. Just kidding.

Just to put things into perspective. Maybe to relieve a little anger. Consider why the owner is selling? I lived long enough to see apartments built and torn down and rebuilt again. Its not always clear and upfront either in today's uptight (rightfully so) world. It happens.

Even owning a home carries no guarantee. Maintenance is a big one beyond property and school taxes. Insurance? Think about the person who lost the house to a forest fire and was with or without insurance at the time. Nothing but the clothes on the back...Literally.
Now that's tough. If it comes to it. Maybe something better will come from it, should the worst occur. 

It might also be helpful to think about each emotion that you are experiencing, acknowledge each one, ask yourself how each one can be helpful and how each one can be detrimental. Try to channel them in the helpful aspects.

Anyway, Good Luck

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