Recommended Posts

Stuck in pain

For the past week or so, I have been diving deeper into my emotions. I have been triggered non stop since I started doing so.  I'm feeling a lot of anger and beneath that powerlessness and despair. I've realised that I abandon my self, my needs and allow myself and other to cross my boundaries. I've sat with my anger and powerlessness and I came to the realisation that I do this out of fear of rejection, or even worse, abdonment. I've cried and cried, felt my pain, gone into the place this all began and spoken to my inner child but I am still feeling intense anger and rage. I'm still flipping out the moment my boundaries are crossed and then I sink into that feeling of powerlessness once again. I'm so low, so defeated and so scared of the thoughts I have of not living anymore. I just don't know where to turn or what I'm not seeing. Is it possible that the anger is covering more than just powerlessness. Is there more stuff buried under the anger, more than one event in my life that has triggered the pain of powerlessness. Others around me continue to show me how powerless I feel. I am treated badly, no respect for my needs or boundaries. My daughters behaviour is out of control. My partner seems to love me under conditions, rejects me, my needs, everything I say or do is wrong. If I don't do things the way he expects he seems to "abandon" me in the sense he completely ignores me and shames me. He says that it's me. He says that I'm not embracing life and so negative and angry and that's why he treatse the way he does. I am surrounded by people who continuously try to control me, cross my boundaries and ignore my needs. The anger I know is me screaming out for someone to see me. I just want to be seen, heard and loved unconditionally. I don't know which way to turn anymore. Its getting the point where I don't see the point in living. Please can someone help me. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can see you and feel you. Let me give you an astral hug.

I've been channelling some anger from above these last few hours... Anger that is also mine towards the stupidity and crualty of the human race.

When less exhausted I will try and give you some more insight and advices.

Take care outhere,

love and cheers,

Deneb

 

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
29 minutes ago, Deneb said:

I can see you and feel you. Let me give you an astral hug.

I've been channelling some anger from above these last few hours... Anger that is also mine towards the stupidity and crualty of the human race.

When less exhausted I will try and give you some more insight and advices.

Take care outhere,

love and cheers,

Deneb

 

Thank you Deneb. I can see you and feel you too. 

Hugs back to you. 

Take care love. 

Lauren. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, Laurendyane said:

Stuck in pain

For the past week or so, I have been diving deeper into my emotions. I have been triggered non stop since I started doing so.  I'm feeling a lot of anger and beneath that powerlessness and despair.

You don't have to hold on to the latest layer of your emotions. I would say in your case, wich is quite close to mine, your anger is going to be needed and useful for a positive change for you.

I've realised that I abandon my self, my needs and allow myself and other to cross my boundaries. I've sat with my anger and powerlessness and I came to the realisation that I do this out of fear of rejection, or even worse, abdonment. I've cried and cried, felt my pain, gone into the place this all began and spoken to my inner child but I am still feeling intense anger and rage. I'm still flipping out the moment my boundaries are crossed and then I sink into that feeling of powerlessness once again.

No one has the right to cross your boundaries! It is healthy to get angry when this happens! Because ultimately only you can love, protect and defend yourself!  

I'm so low, so defeated and so scared of the thoughts I have of not living anymore. I just don't know where to turn or what I'm not seeing.

Don't be too scared of your thoughts for your soul (and inner child) is reaching out to you right now and telling you to be there and  stand for yourself as well Stand for the three of you: soul, inner child and ego;)

Is it possible that the anger is covering more than just powerlessness. Is there more stuff buried under the anger, more than one event in my life that has triggered the pain of powerlessness. Others around me continue to show me how powerless I feel. I am treated badly, no respect for my needs or boundaries.

Because these others around you DO feel better when labelling you as "powerless". Highly toxic relationships you should try and get rid of if you can.

My daughters behaviour is out of control.

A child is a child and will always feel the need to test his/her parents. This is only a phase no matter how exhausting and even painful it can be.

 

My partner seems to love me under conditions, rejects me, my needs, everything I say or do is wrong.

Big Red Flag here, dear! This is not partnership. This is not love anymore. I think your partner is highly abusive towards you and you must ask yourself: do I really want to be treated this way?Especiallly knowing the impact it could have on your daughter? You sure don't want that. You deserve to be unconditionally loved. Your natural birth right.

If I don't do things the way he expects he seems to "abandon" me in the sense he completely ignores me and shames me. He says that it's me. He says that I'm not embracing life and so negative and angry and that's why he treatse the way he does.

Your partner seems to have very very deep issues and you shouldn't be the one wearing all the emotions he suppressed in himself. All narcissistic psychos do that. 

I am surrounded by people who continuously try to control me, cross my boundaries and ignore my needs. The anger I know is me screaming out for someone to see me. I just want to be seen, heard and loved unconditionally. I don't know which way to turn anymore. Its getting the point where I don't see the point in living. Please can someone help me. 

Anyone trying to control you, undermine you, make you feel low, ignore your needs etc is  just SOMEONE THAT NEEDS OUT OF YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE; YOU SEEM TO HAVE MANY OF THESE TOXIC BEINGS AROUND YOU; GET RID OF THEM BY MOVING IF IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO STOP THEM TOYING WITH YOU;YOUR DAUGHTER IS HERE AND WANTS HER MOMMY HAPPY!

❤️

Jeez, I am glad I got to read you in detail for you need empowerment and also a fast cleansing of your surroundings with all these toxic relationships' dusts pouring on you!

wishing you the bestest,

 

Deneb

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, Deneb said:

Jeez, I am glad I got to read you in detail for you need empowerment and also a fast cleansing of your surroundings with all these toxic relationships' dusts pouring on you!

wishing you the bestest,

 

Deneb

Deneb,

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and for your advice. I am so grateful. 

I agree I have many toxic relationships in my life right now and I do believe my daughter is simply mirroring my pain back to me. 

I struggle with letting go. I love the people in my life deeply and unconditionally (even if the love is not returned) and I think I have been hoping that if my vibration shifts, their behaviour towards me will shift too. But it could be that if I move away from then I would no longer feel such intense pain. There are a lot of what ifs for me. 

I have been with my partner for 7 years and we have been on and off throughout. My heart always pulls me back to him and I cannot ever move on without him and he has the same problem without me. It's so hard to know what to do when all of my being is drawn to him but yet I am struggling and in pain in relationship with him and also without him because my heart aches for him when we separate. I feel like there's a lesson I'm not learning here. I do believe that he is my twin flame. You are right in saying he has very deep issues within himself also. 

You are right that the pain is calling out to be seen. The thoughts I have, have scared me enough to look at my pain and start my healing journey.

Coming to this forum and reaching out (and your replies) have helped me feel less alone. I am the only one in my family or friends that is"spiritual" and it is very lonely sometimes to hold all my thoughts and feelings inside. This in itself was a big step forward for me. 

Thank you again Deneb for holding a space for me to share. 

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Laurendyane,

If I can offer my view on your situation than, first of all, you are definitely not alone. You are one of us and I think the intensity of all the emotions you have right now is there because you have been brave enough to actually look at them and acknowledge that they exist, that something has been done to you and you are not okay with that. Most people never dare to even get close to such a realization. And that is definitely your power to see and feel inside of yourself, to be present and to take all that information into account while creating a more beneficial outcome for yourself. Emotions when stirred up can be really messy but they do contain a lot of valuable information to help you get your power back even more. For example, you mention that “my partner loves me under conditions, rejects me, my needs, everything I say or do is wrong”. The behavior that you perceive, the way it makes you feel – it teaches you a lot about how you want to be treated, it helps you become super clear on what your needs actually are, and once you know that for yourself it’s time to take action towards creating such reality. I think the danger with anger is the blame game we tend to play – you did this to me, it’s your fault, and then you remain in that space of powerlessness where others can treat you the way they please. But it should be about you accepting and respecting yourself and your needs which in turn translates into decisions you make to actually enforce those inner concepts you now hold true for yourself. I hope this helps a little. You're a truly brave soul. Hugs to you.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Exhaustion means you are trying to change something about your self in the present moment. You also have to realize that its very good that you are feeling triggered. Always realize that how you feel in the moment is a perfect reflection of what is going on inside. Please take those moments as opportunities to practice non  avoidance.  Always allow your mind to go in the direction of the worst case scenario. Journal everything. Follow the feeling follow the thoughts in relation to the feeling. Start understanding that you actually can trust all the feeling and thoughts in relations to a subject matter. Once you get it all down on paper your going to start seeing the patterns. That is the first step to understanding your self and seeing the pattern/ connecting all of the dots. 
 

I hope this help. Please let me know if you need more information or clarification. 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.