Deneb

Terror to live on my own ...

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Terror to live on my own ...

Hey guys,

I decided to open about this fracture of mine for I gained the awareness it really needed an emergency healing -inside of me I believe one can even heal in a second, but it may not be entirely up to us.

For those of you who already read some of my posts you may have stumbled upon one that is called "about grief" and where I wrote down all the deaths that occured to me in this present life.

I never ever wrote about how even as a baby I was being left alone for entire nights or my father (when he would bother come and "visit"...)would always force my Mom...

into letting me cry no matter how hard nor how long until I stop by myself. until I become a mf silent baby. 

not hard to guess the baby I was soon learnt it was pointless to try and get someone to comfort me whenever I was crying.

I also never wrote about how irresponsible my parents acted with me: going to party for entire nights without hiring any babysitter.

My babysitters were the TV and the radio. Thx to this, I got to learn and watch many many things .

Since I have no siblings, I was left entirely on my own to play with. This is how I developed my imagination and also my inclination towards reading more than the average children. 

Of course I suffer from an obvious developmental trauma that is able to impact  many aspects of my life -to the point I was diagnosed wiith bpd and chronic depression.

Anyhow, I chose to adress this very one wound and share it with you for I would like to heal from this terror of being left on my own wich has -to this day- always kept me from having my own appartment without sharing it with a soulmate or a roomate.

Me and my current roomate are actuallly in the process of losing our appartment for the owner wants to sell it ASAP  and WITHOUT people in it.

We already got a delay with the court but next court date will be the one they deliberate: the owner wants us OUT WITHOUT providing us a new home and shelter...:(

I have an entire faith in my guides to support me through these stressing times BUT

One day or another... I will have to be able to live on my own happy  in a beautiful shelter I will have created  WITHOUT the paralysing terrors and the rivers defacing my eyes.

Your insights, advices and best wishes are all welcome here.

 

love you all,

Deneb 

 

Edited by Deneb
spell!

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6 hours ago, Deneb said:

Me and my current roomate are actuallly in the process of losing our appartment for the owner wants to sell it ASAP  and WITHOUT people in it.

We already got a delay with the court but next court date will be the one they deliberate: the owner wants us OUT WITHOUT providing us a new home and shelter...:(

Are you serious? WTF is wrong with people

Do they return the deposit for you to move in into a new place?

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16 hours ago, Garnet said:

Are you serious? WTF is wrong with people

Do they return the deposit for you to move in into a new place?

nope Garnet, one of the bestest things I can do is put my faith in Skyteam!

 

Edited by Deneb

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On 3/18/2019 at 2:07 AM, Garnet said:

Deneb, I am afraid it takes more material steps. Please keep us updated!

Hey Garnet, I have to admit I have an issue related to my root chakra and that is... coping/doing with everything related to papers,obligations and what is viewed as "primary survival" in 3D.

My root chakra still needs a lot of loving and healing for I am sometimes at war with myself between my need of independance and creating the life I DO want and... all the blocages that may still reside inside of me but that I am currently working on.

Being "incarnated" is problematic for me: my mind thinks super fast, soul feels others very fast as well, I like my body but do I totally  embrace my humann vessel?

I am aware I fuckin don't .

 because while I enjoy taking care of myself, like a nice bath,  buying cool clothes and jewelry, ...

I tend to live like the pure spirit I used to be lol.

Not hard to guess why ESPRIT is my favorite brand :)

Material steps, yes Garnet...I hope to heal my root chakra ASAP

💛

Deneb

 

 

 

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14 hours ago, Deneb said:

Hey Garnet, I have to admit I have an issue related to my root chakra and that is... coping/doing with everything related to papers,obligations and what is viewed as "primary survival" in 3D.

I can definitely  relate to the paper work, Deneb... and I can tell you from my experience, most of this paper problems  are usually due to lack of appropriate knowledge! Unfortunately, organizing paperwork and dealing with anything related to the law such as taxes, documents, bills, banking etc is inevitable part of life. Many people today are being taken advantage of because of this. Knowing the loopholes certainly helps and saves money! 

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