LittleCake

How do you accept love if you have heavy sadness asociated with it?

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How do you accept love if you have heavy sadness asociated with it?

When I was 7 my parents divorced - so I had to move with my mother. My grandmother always was "the real mother" for me. So soon after the divorce(maybe a year or so) she died. And after that I just socially isolated myself. So I've got double cup of sadness 1 from grandma and lack of social connections. This feeling still burns my soul every day.

My first school crush was an amazing girl. I realy liked her. But if you spend alot of time in social isolation you feel(being) weird. It's as if(I am not sure on 100%) like you have this thought "I don't deserve love/intimacy from other people". Back to school crush. At that time she dated this guy- confident, leader of group, guitar player with prospectful future. I was too shy to ask her on date. So there was a moment when she asked me on a date. And at that moment I said to myself in my head "Wtf? Don't you know that I am this f*cking weirdo and your current boyfriend is much better for me. I actually don't have anything to give you. And probably your boyfriend will kill me if I will say yes."(At that time I didn't know that probably/already planned to split up before the end of school.) So I said to her "No".

And throughout my life if there is a slight chance that a woman can/would show love or intimacy I unconsciously close up or f*cked  up relationship.

Though in my life I received this uncoditional love/intimacy from women that teach yoga. And I ruined almost every relationship with this women.

I won't let go of this feeling of sadness because I didn't live throught it completely. And for the past month every day I spent 30 mins just to sob and to feel this sadness. 

Edited by LittleCake

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I think when it comes to romantic love it's either taking the risk vs staying safe, at least for those of us who associate love with loss. It's extremely scary to hand yourself over to another human being when you know you might lose them and how painful it would be. But it might as well be the best thing you could ever do for yourself. I try to focus on love, not fear. It helps :)

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6 hours ago, LittleCake said:

How do you accept love if you have heavy sadness asociated with it?

This one topic is one I know quite too well. In my case the sadness comes from the remembering everyone you love eventually...dies... So loving someone can feel like Jesus on his cross if I let attachment come and take its toll on me...

When I was 7 my parents divorced - so I had to move with my mother. My grandmother always was "the real mother" for me. So soon after the divorce(maybe a year or so) she died. And after that I just socially isolated myself. So I've got double cup of sadness 1 from grandma and lack of social connections. This feeling still burns my soul every day.

You are not alone.

My first school crush was an amazing girl. I realy liked her. But if you spend alot of time in social isolation you feel(being) weird. It's as if(I am not sure on 100%) like you have this thought "I don't deserve love/intimacy from other people". Back to school crush. At that time she dated this guy- confident, leader of group, guitar player with prospectful future. I was too shy to ask her on date. So there was a moment when she asked me on a date. And at that moment I said to myself in my head "Wtf? Don't you know that I am this f*cking weirdo and your current boyfriend is much better for me. I actually don't have anything to give you. And probably your boyfriend will kill me if I will say yes."(At that time I didn't know that probably/already planned to split up before the end of school.) So I said to her "No".

And throughout my life if there is a slight chance that a woman can/would show love or intimacy I unconsciously close up or f*cked  up relationship.

Though in my life I received this uncoditional love/intimacy from women that teach yoga. And I ruined almost every relationship with this women.

Now is the time to learn to give yourself...this very one unconditional love you need so badly. Your natural birth right. Period

I won't let go of this feeling of sadness because I didn't live throught it completely. And for the past month every day I spent 30 mins just to sob and to feel this sadness. 

Sadness or not just give yourself a break and show yourself some loving!

cheers,

Deneb

 

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In that sorry state, that you describe yourself being in, don't expect anyone to help you out. On the contrary, being a "weirdo", a "freak", reminds people of their own weakness, which they so adamantly try to deny, and they are going to do the same with you..... or worse. You dodged a bullet by saying no to the girl, as she was likely just going to use you for her own self-amusement. Don't beat yourself over it.

As you may have come to experience, life is not a Disney movie. You have to accept that the reality is, the cards are stacked against you, the competition is fierce and numerous, and if you need help, nobody is going to care. You can either continue to dwell on lost opprtunities and cry.... or you can start to tell your sadness to sod off, take life into your own hands, and leave your state of perpetual sorrow and depression. To that end, your first task should be to find a purpose to your life, a passion you want to pursue, something that transcends the banality of life.

Once you have your purpose and are in authenticity with yourself, you can start to expect the people that follow you to have a vested interest into you as well.

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LittleCake,

First answer - you just accept the love.  Your body needs nourishment, but everything doesn't taste like chocolate ice cream. You're going to have to eat vegetables and proteins, drink water, and occasionally even take medicine. Your soul needs love, even if at first you may not think you deserve it.  And just like your body will do different things with food, your soul/mind/essence will do different things with the love.

Secondly, each soul and each personality have a specific purpose on Earth.  Your early losses are tragic - no doubt, but that is something your soul needed and knew it could handle before incarnating your personality into this 3D world.  Your higher self needed to experience that pain and separation to understand that the reality of the soul is one of indivisible connectedness.

Also, something I have recently confirmed with my guides, which is something I have heard from Teal - more than once, is that a human life consists of nearly infinite possible combinations of choices, and on the 4D level of your higher self or the 5D level of your spirit guides, your parents didn't always die, you accepted that date, you had other dates and other friends.  When I became truly aware of this idea of 'multiple timelines' as an element of human reality, the weight of missed opportunity nearly vanished for me.  All the old cliches about hanging on to the past suddenly made sense.

For you - reading, hearing, or acting on these words is probably 'easier said than done' - but if you want to change, you can.  Accept your sadness as appropriate for its time, and then decide to act differently when it comes to dating or when it comes to remembering your past, or when it comes to accepting love from an honest source.

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On 3/13/2019 at 11:05 AM, LittleCake said:

How do you accept love if you have heavy sadness asociated with it?

I think you know the answer to this already, LittleCake. Your life is the result of it. 

Han Solo noticed it very well when said:

On 3/13/2019 at 7:39 PM, Han Solo said:

In that sorry state, that you describe yourself being in, don't expect anyone to help you out. On the contrary, being a "weirdo", a "freak", reminds people of their own weakness, which they so adamantly try to deny, and they are going to do the same with you..... or worse. You dodged a bullet by saying no to the girl, as she was likely just going to use you for her own self-amusement. Don't beat yourself over it.

It's up to you to re-write your story. 

Just because you are alone, doesn't mean you can't change. Begin by either reading or watching content that would help you better understand human nature and relationships. Social skills do not happen overnight. It's a lifetime process. And you need a lot of patience for it.

Take first step forward and actually aknowlege the replies here by saying at least something! All these people that replied to you took their time to help you and had very points on the situation, YOU said nothing back! If that's how you are in real life most of the time.... you are at the risk of having no feedback either. I am not saying this to depress you further, my intention is only to wake you up.

Wishing you the best.

 

 

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