MollyMadison16

Wanting to leave for no reason

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Wanting to leave for no reason

My boyfriend treats me better then I could ever ask for but sometimes I'm really resistent to the relationship and other times im happy in it.

why am i constantly in between this?

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Does your friend make you feel like you're on a pedestal? Is it, that even though he puts in work and cares for you, that he at the same time he puts the expectation on you to live up to this image he is so carefully caressing?

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On 3/12/2019 at 6:56 AM, Han Solo said:

Does your friend make you feel like you're on a pedestal? Is it, that even though he puts in work and cares for you, that he at the same time he puts the expectation on you to live up to this image he is so carefully caressing?

its interesting because someone once told me something similar. i dont know what that image is though. 

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The problem may be that you don't respect and/or love him, despite his treatment of you.

You may already know someone better that lives near you and has mutual friends.

(P.S. I used to live and work on 4th about 17 years ago.  Love San Diego.  Used to hang out with the Brazilians at Rei do Gado)

Good Luck. Believe in yourself. You deserve to be happy.

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9 hours ago, MollyMadison16 said:

its interesting because someone once told me something similar. i dont know what that image is though. 

Usually, this image is the cinderella, a princess that always does the right thing and behaves and etc.

Though, looking at your other thread, you revealed a bit more info, that changes a few things. I'll attempt to interpretate it:

You said, he rates women based on looks and that he "likes really young girls". At the same time, he is treating you very well. I think the fundamental feeling that is at the bottom of all this here, is distrust. You're questioning if the love and care he gives to you is actually genuine, because every other woman he comes across is nothing but a piece of meat to him. And you don't seem to think yourself all that different from other women, do you? It is casting doubt on his ability, to see you for who you are. Very similiar to the cinderella image, although a bit different, you get the feeling that whatever you got, what he thinks other women don't, is the only reason he shows love to you, and if that were to ever be gone, in an instant you'd be considered a meatsack as well. That one thing could be looks, sex-appeal, virtues and so forth. It could be qualities that you truly do possess, but are not so rare that you'd be like "the chosen one", and he may not be seeing that.

Worse yet, the entire love play could be disingenuous. I don't know how you live out your relationship and how close you actually are, you said it has been going on for 3 years, so at least you must have felt something, but at the same time you said you also felt something "wrong" from the start. To me, this sounds very much like those womanizer relationships, where you get held out and made believe that "you know i really love you babe!!", but behind these warm words is a cold, calculating strategy that uses your trust and feelings against you, and has no regard for your sake whatsoever.

Could be that. Could be this. I'm speculating at this point, I'm just a dude on the internet and I know about 20 lines about your life and love-relationship. But run these scenarios through yourself, and see if there is anything to it, because of us all, you're the only one that can make a true correct assessment of your situation, I just hope to have guided you to a true conclusion.

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You don't want to leave "for no reason". You are just trying to convince yourself your current bf IS the one.

From what you already wrote about his behavior, like noting woman, etc... Do you really think he never EVER noted you as well?

It sounds to me he is not even being faithful to you, sorry but that is the feeling I get.

It looks like you wanted this relationship to work so badly you almost blinded yourself and forgot your own boundaries.

Your wanting to leave is VALID. Period!

cheers,

Deneb

Edited by Deneb
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thank you both for answering. to Han, I dont feel like he only likes me for my looks or looks at me like that. i just dont know something within me feels off whenever he talks about getting married. 

 

 

On 3/15/2019 at 6:27 AM, Deneb said:

You don't want to leave "for no reason". You are just trying to convince yourself your current bf IS the one.

From what you already wrote about his behavior, like noting woman, etc... Do you really think he never EVER noted you as well?

It sounds to me he is not even being faithful to you, sorry but that is the feeling I get.

It looks like you wanted this relationship to work so badly you almost blinded yourself and forgot your own boundaries.

Your wanting to leave is VALID. Period!

cheers,

Deneb

 

On 3/15/2019 at 2:57 AM, Han Solo said:

Usually, this image is the cinderella, a princess that always does the right thing and behaves and etc.

Though, looking at your other thread, you revealed a bit more info, that changes a few things. I'll attempt to interpretate it:

You said, he rates women based on looks and that he "likes really young girls". At the same time, he is treating you very well. I think the fundamental feeling that is at the bottom of all this here, is distrust. You're questioning if the love and care he gives to you is actually genuine, because every other woman he comes across is nothing but a piece of meat to him. And you don't seem to think yourself all that different from other women, do you? It is casting doubt on his ability, to see you for who you are. Very similiar to the cinderella image, although a bit different, you get the feeling that whatever you got, what he thinks other women don't, is the only reason he shows love to you, and if that were to ever be gone, in an instant you'd be considered a meatsack as well. That one thing could be looks, sex-appeal, virtues and so forth. It could be qualities that you truly do possess, but are not so rare that you'd be like "the chosen one", and he may not be seeing that.

Worse yet, the entire love play could be disingenuous. I don't know how you live out your relationship and how close you actually are, you said it has been going on for 3 years, so at least you must have felt something, but at the same time you said you also felt something "wrong" from the start. To me, this sounds very much like those womanizer relationships, where you get held out and made believe that "you know i really love you babe!!", but behind these warm words is a cold, calculating strategy that uses your trust and feelings against you, and has no regard for your sake whatsoever.

Could be that. Could be this. I'm speculating at this point, I'm just a dude on the internet and I know about 20 lines about your life and love-relationship. But run these scenarios through yourself, and see if there is anything to it, because of us all, you're the only one that can make a true correct assessment of your situation, I just hope to have guided you to a true conclusion.

 

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If it feels off to you, then it is off.

One or several issues need to be adressed in your couple, and why not tell him whenever he says or does something that makes you feel bad just...how you feel.

Tell him how you feel about his noting girls.

If the two of you share a healthy connection, he should be happy and willing to talk with you and hear about your needs -and what hurts you.

This "off" feeling needs to be adressed and resolved anyway.

Maybe the two of you could benefit from a therapy for couples, IDK.

love and cheers,

 

Deneb

 

 

 

 

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Good advise that applies to many walks of life. Something 'feels' off  with a slight degree of confusion and a reduced sense of trust.  The confusion is probably where the 'off' feeling begins.  You say your boyfriend seem to be nice based on there behavior toward you, yet you hear him 'trash' talk other people (your perception, so keep an open mind) and you're uncomfortable with the behavior, but more importantly that you are having a hard time discussing it with your boyfriend.  Could be your afraid it would devolve into an argument?  Couples, family, friends, co-workers all have disagreements. Get a little backbone. A little recon questioning doesn't have to be confrontational, but does need to be honest.  Just a simple explanation requested.  Communicate and learn whats going on. Therapy was not a bad suggestion if that is more comfortable. 

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I don't have any helpful advice. I I'm horrible at making decisions and I am always unsure. I over-analyze everything and in situations like this I absolutely cannot distinguish between what is intuition or fear. Should I follow my intuition or is it just fear? Then I go around and around with that until eventually the situation forces me in one direction-always out of the situation. But did I sabotage it to begin with? Was i expecting too much?

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