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Relapse.

Hey Guys,

 

I am going through a Connection Relapse. I found connection  with my self and then lost it. I think I lost it because I didn't know or believe I could keep the connection. I don't really know what to do. 

I know there is something to let go of... but I don't know what. What makes this difficult is that my intuition tells me to do "nothing" and "inspiration". 

 

I kind of just want to get started making Youtube Videos. But my internal being wont let me yet. Its still not 100% accurate as to what and how I am going to be doing. 

 

Just to add I think that the Fear of Loss of Self or "enmeshment" in it of its self may be the thing, or the not knowing of how to be attuned to others are also things I am working on. I know that at the Heart of this is "Fear" specifically. 

 

I'll take any fear or insight, into this. 

 

If anyone can help with this I would greatly appreciate this. 

 

Kind regards,

 

Greg

Edited by Greg21

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Have you recorded any videos so far?

Show us! 

When you are not sure about your product, having someone else to see it helps. Sometimes people see what you don't and knowing that helps you to improve! Besides, there are many people in this field today, so don't underestimate the chance of getting a good advice. 

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I wouldn’t try to resist the fear that you feel. That fear is absolutley valid. I’d say do your best to be present with this feeling though that’s the hardest part, sitting with a feeling you don’t like at all. And that’s the thing don’t force yourself to like it either. Just sit with that feeling even though you hate it. Whether you like it or not that feeling is a genuine part of you. Though you mentioned this loss of connection with yourself, that might be a result of fear of your own emotions and maybe even denying them? I cant speak for you though. Ocassionally,   though when I’m accepting some parts of my past traumas I get terrified of those feelings again and I want to run away from them and sometimes I even do. But I feel like it’s all part of the process, you know? Even if you don’t really figure out what it is that thing you need to let go of, the universe will give you plenty more chances to do so. so it’s okay to feel scared really. No one really knows you better than you so this loss of connection with yourself must make you feel really terrified confused and lost. I’ve experienced something similar to this before. The best thing I can tell you is by being present with this feeling you’ll find the answer you’re looking for. Because out of every “unknowing” comes knowing. Out of every “bad” emotion comes a “good” one. I hoped this helped a little bit. 

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@Garnet

 

I don’t like the sound of my own voice. Is weird and muffled and doesn’t sound the way I want it to. But that’s not the issue. The issue here is I still have some shame I can’t access. This part of me does not want to be healed. But at the same time I can’t get any inspiration. I need the connection with my self. 

 

Also o feel and Itchy pain in my heart. It’s like I just can’t scratch it. I think I could possibly be gaslighting. Idk you guys have experience with this. Please let me know . 

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Idk man, right now I’m too disconnect to have that flow going. Check out my newest post about disorganized attachment. I think I am getting closer.

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