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Help Me I am In Hell/

Topic named after a Nine Inch Nails song...

I am not really sure about what exactly is happening to me but all I know is can't take any of these pains anymore.

The emotional pain is way beyond words... saying it is overwhelming would sound ridiculous to me to describe it.

I may have a certain number of very good and practical reasons to cry but the worst one must be...my mourning my mother. My only family. The love of my life. She passed away 3 years ago still...I think of her alll the time. 

I don't know if my emotions found their way to take a toll on my body but to add to the constant suffering and crying...

I've been suffering from horrible spasms  and non stop achings in my belly these last 3 days (womb, ovaries, my back).

I don't feel the need to see a doctor for I already know what he might say

"Oh, so you started your pill with 3 days of delay, do not be surprised if you feel a certain kind of mayhem" (=putting all the blame on hormones)

(sigh)

I am aware of how powerful hormones can be but honestly...

I know it is just me getting to the point where the simple fact of still be waking up is enough to make me cry.

I don't even want to type about the kind of practical reasons I have to wanna push the reset button (IMO anyone would/would have in my shoes).

Problem is... I already pushed it. This button doesn't even seem to want me, or something wants me SO badly on Earth while I just want OUT of it all????)

Several times.

(Made sure the doses were double or triple the lethal ones BUT.. woke up each time?????? I swear this is true!No rational possible reason to my surviving all of these!!!..)

 

My Mom wanted to live but eventually reached a point where the non'stop pains made her say words like "My body's a jail" .

She is free of it all now

Free of all pain... But unfortunately I can't see her no more. 

And these last few days of constant pains in my female organs make me miss her some even more.

I'll be honest guys. I am praying for my own death. I want to join Mom, grandpa and my cat Octave.

I want free of 3d, the dimension of pain, and free of any further incarnation =for incarnation always means the suffering of loss

I don't want this suffering anymore.

No more crying. No more aching. No more debts that came out of the blue after my mom's death.

No more density of sadness, and the acid bite of loneliness.

No more spasms, no more despair.

I miss Source so much.

 

I want back to my true realm...wich is so far away from all the pain one can endure on planet Blue.

 

Of course Earth is a zoo. And a school at the same time.

Does suffering make you graduate faster? Maybe.

Maybe comes a time where the pain is consuming so much energy you just CAN'T learn and function properly anymore with it -this is so obvious.

 

To all my loving guides and angels, thank you for your patience xoxo

To Teal: thank you for comitting to being here on this plane of existence

To everybody/anybody reading this all: same as what I wrote to my angels 

 

love,

Deneb

 

 

 

 

 

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How many doctors have you asked?  Get a second and third opinion. Pick a hormone specialist. Do some more research on your own. Hard to believe something cannot be done for physical pains. Physical pains can intensify emotional pain and difficulty. Reduction of the physical pain could reduce the emotional stress and pain. Why is it believed that torture will make people talk? Yes, there is definitely a connection between emotional and physcial pain. How do people survive it. Maybe your more physically and emotional resilient than you think. That is a trait to be admired and a great survival asset. Life is a day to day struggle. Sometimes easy. Sometimes difficult. Would you be upset if you missed the cure to your pain by a single day? You never no what tomorrow holds. Even in pain. Pain is not death and as hard as it is should never be equated as such. Live long, as long as possible, and prosper.

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Deneb, I won't say I've been where you are, but I've dealt with my own 'reset' issues. You've 'hit the button' and it didn't take - so now what?

I always remember Teal saying something to the effect of ending 'this' life just punches a ticket for an immediate reincarnation return. In my work with my higher self, I suspect that an incarnation before the guy typing this message 'checked out early' only to find himself right back in a similar situation, driving himself crazy with questions, suppressing emotions, and looking for a short cut to streets of gold or 70 virgins. (Too esoteric)?

My point being, while you're here, you may as well deal with this stuff now or you'll never be free and 'graduate'. Somehow I was able to sense that leaving this plane was not going to be the escape I thought it could be. I think my higher self was letting me know that the issues I just couldn't bear were my issues for a reason. Shortly after this, 'he' (my higher self) gave me a little energy boost to get through, and then, little by little, we dealt with our problems and got back on track.

You can do this. You are not alone.

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What I don't get about incarnation, is why do you have to incarnate in the first place?

So you gain experience on this plane in order to take back with you to the spirit realm... and that somehow benefits Source?... As if Source doesn't know everything already?! 

Anyway, how does knowing about this plane benefit the spirit realm? Like we can't learn all there is to know about being a spirit in the spirit realm!...

The whole thing sounds daft, if you ask me.

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9 minutes ago, Broken_Mirror33 said:

What I don't get about incarnation, is why do you have to incarnate in the first place?

So you gain experience on this plane in order to take back with you to the spirit realm... and that somehow benefits Source?... As if Source doesn't know everything already?! 

Anyway, how does knowing about this plane benefit the spirit realm? Like we can't learn all there is to know about being a spirit in the spirit realm!...

The whole thing sounds daft, if you ask me.

Totally agreed. 

I even seriously consider that incarnation may not be the only way to purge your "karma"in case there truly is something as such but that if you have a debt or contract or a will to help you can do it from other and easier realms... Maybe 3D is meant to learn "faster", or maybe we simply responded to the terrible cry for for help Mother Earth sent and still sends IMO. In that case one could simply "regress" from Source to down here just to wanna help and without realising the extent of suffering one goes through on this plane...  Who knows? 

I can remember an american psychologist who was very much into the starseeds phenomena and would take them as patients. I will not forget his conviction that these "beings" had apparently signed for a contract they weren't even given to read -love this image. To him "starseeds" were not delusional people at all, only true alien souls who accepted an assignment without being told everything about the conditions they would work under. I can relate to that.

I can also remember an alien channeling where the being was talking about the fact there ARE worst places than Earth to be in 3D, including a planet whose name was enough to convince the most reluctant souls into "landing" on Earth lol. Wich sounds also more than probable. What do you think?

love and cheers,

Deneb

Edited by Deneb
more precision
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17 hours ago, BeyondTheRim said:

How many doctors have you asked?  Get a second and third opinion. Pick a hormone specialist. Do some more research on your own. Hard to believe something cannot be done for physical pains. Physical pains can intensify emotional pain and difficulty. Reduction of the physical pain could reduce the emotional stress and pain. Why is it believed that torture will make people talk? Yes, there is definitely a connection between emotional and physcial pain. How do people survive it. Maybe your more physically and emotional resilient than you think. That is a trait to be admired and a great survival asset. Life is a day to day struggle. Sometimes easy. Sometimes difficult. Would you be upset if you missed the cure to your pain by a single day? You never no what tomorrow holds. Even in pain. Pain is not death and as hard as it is should never be equated as such. Live long, as long as possible, and prosper.

Thank you BeyondTheRim. 

love and cheers,

Deneb

 

13 hours ago, baron dumonde said:

Deneb, I won't say I've been where you are, but I've dealt with my own 'reset' issues. You've 'hit the button' and it didn't take - so now what?

I always remember Teal saying something to the effect of ending 'this' life just punches a ticket for an immediate reincarnation return. In my work with my higher self, I suspect that an incarnation before the guy typing this message 'checked out early' only to find himself right back in a similar situation, driving himself crazy with questions, suppressing emotions, and looking for a short cut to streets of gold or 70 virgins. (Too esoteric)?

My point being, while you're here, you may as well deal with this stuff now or you'll never be free and 'graduate'. Somehow I was able to sense that leaving this plane was not going to be the escape I thought it could be. I think my higher self was letti ng me know that the issues I just couldn't bear were my issues for a reason. Shortly after this, 'he' (my higher self) gave me a little energy boost to get through, and then, little by little, we dealt with our problems and got back on track.

You can do this. You are not alone.

Thank you very much baron du monde. (and no, you are not being too esoteric I got you loud and clear here lol)

love and cheers,

Deneb

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These are dark times. No doubt about that. I believe in Karma though. No point in being spiritual if you don't get something in return.

I don't know about the "starseeds" thing, never heard of it. But as far as the whole history of the human race on this planet is concerned, it's always been something of a rescue operation. But again, there's no point in rescuing anybody, unless there's something worth saving.

I guess it's up to us to figure out what that is then.

 

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8 minutes ago, Broken_Mirror33 said:

These are dark times. No doubt about that. I believe in Karma though. No point in being spiritual if you don't get something in return.

I don't know about the "starseeds" thing, never heard of it. But as far as the whole history of the human race on this planet is concerned, it's always been something of a rescue operation. But again, there's no point in rescuing anybody, unless there's something worth saving.

I guess it's up to us to figure out what that is then.

 

Dear, it is all about  saving the Earth!!!

(maybe the only thing I am 100per cent sure about)lol

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Reincarnation? 

One idea I pondered dealt with the similar patterns in birth and death.  Like a wave pattern.  How we grow in our experience and knowledge from birth, reach a pinnacle as slowly slip backwards (at least in some obvious cases).  Many of my relative passed peacefully, but as if they were much younger. Seeing fields where they grew up, where I was seeing a parking lot.  Maybe a download and subsequent leveling up, like in a video game. Level .... 2.  But on the other hand, take the case of my grandmother. From a third party account, when she passed. She said her sister was waiting...she had to go..... Her sister passed many years before. Not an isolated account either. Reincarnation? Why was her sister still waiting?  Maybe.... Level 2..... waiting area this way.....choose your playmates.....choose your character. How many levels are there in this game? LOL.

Karma may not be some separate thing, but something you carry and create within your own self.  That part of you that believes what you did was senseless (wrong or bad is not quite the right words).....No matter how small or hidden..... Self-fulfilling. If you create it, I could see how it might be dissipated. Accepting, not receiving, forgiveness, making amends and changing yourself may be a way. If we truly change for the better, why would Karma be necessary? Was not the lesson learned? Why wait for the next life or level? Pay it back right now. Karma. The great unresolved philosophical psychological issue/struggle.

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23 hours ago, Broken_Mirror33 said:

I give my 20 dollars to Greenpeace every year!

That is also called Dharma dear, good on you!😎

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Deneb, I don't think you would have come at this time if you were not strong enough. Many other people here have better advice than I do, but I want to quote Paxton Robey and say "Go sit by a lake." 

Don't forget, you can change your mind.  What I am trying to say is maybe you should put yourself in a new place for a little while. For a few minutes, hours, days. Whatever you can. My most healing atmosphere is to commune with nature. Maybe you just want to be in places where people are happy. Vacation or something on that line. Some of us spend a lot of time in our heads. Sometimes it's good to take a break from all that and just try to be in the moment where beautiful things are happening. Whether that be nature or happy people or...

Try to be right there and open minded as an observer. Looking for the things that are worth a little smile if only on the inside. Quietly observing all the littlest things that are happy. 

I hope it doesn't sound elementary to you.  I was at a point (and it lasted for years), that I couldn't stand waking up in my body everyday because it was too painful emotionally.

I stayed for 2 reasons. 1. My son.    2. I want to figure it out this time so I don't have to come back to more shit. What if it's worse next time?

I then moved out into the woods (but with a road and access to everything) in a tiny house for 2 years to rest and commune with nature. I said fuck earning a living, though I made a couple stabs at it. I tuned out the cell phones and computer a lot of the time and didn't worry about it. It was very healing. I found that all things living will communicate with you.  I still find the world so unfriendly and I still am not awake really, but what I came to is that I am going to start walking out around the unfriendly parts and just look for the good in everything. I forgive everyone because we are all on a tough walk with the blinders on. The world itself is in so much trouble that I only want to put love out there. I want to add love energy to the world and people. I came to this before I started tuning in to other seekers on youtube. 

It has been reaffirming all these teachers out there. I watch all of them because I think there are good things to learn from each and things that are ego based from each. In the end though we have to do something for ourselves.  I think if you just take baby steps like me, our paths will continue to get a little easier and maybe one day we find we are wide awake! My path is getting easier and I am deciding I am ready to be happy, I am ready to walk that way and I think as I do it in practice I get closer to feeling things I haven't felt in a long time. What have we got to lose, right? If you are going to be here, might as well make it a fun ride. Start deciding to be happy and leave the crap behind for a little bit each day. I think a new and beautiful world is coming and you don't want to miss it. Try to stick it out.

Bottom line I guess, I am still figuring it out, but I think it's about loving yourself first. Which means finding ways big and small to make yourself happy, compliment yourself, etc..  And doing no harm and not judging anyone else for their walk. Adding love in any small way we can. Even when we have to walk away from some people we can do it with an inner peace that says, I hope their walk gets easier.

Sorry if I went on a bit there. Hope it helps.

Love and unity,

Girl In The Woods

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9 hours ago, Girl In The Woods said:

Deneb, I don't think you would have come at this time if you were not strong enough. Many other people here have better advice than I do, but I want to quote Paxton Robey and say "Go sit by a lake." 

Don't forget, you can change your mind.  What I am trying to say is maybe you should put yourself in a new place for a little while. For a few minutes, hours, days. Whatever you can. My most healing atmosphere is to commune with nature. Maybe you just want to be in places where people are happy. Vacation or something on that line. Some of us spend a lot of time in our heads. Sometimes it's good to take a break from all that and just try to be in the moment where beautiful things are happening. Whether that be nature or happy people or...

Try to be right there and open minded as an observer. Looking for the things that are worth a little smile if only on the inside. Quietly observing all the littlest things that are happy. 

I hope it doesn't sound elementary to you.  I was at a point (and it lasted for years), that I couldn't stand waking up in my body everyday because it was too painful emotionally.

I stayed for 2 reasons. 1. My son.    2. I want to figure it out this time so I don't have to come back to more shit. What if it's worse next time?

I then moved out into the woods (but with a road and access to everything) in a tiny house for 2 years to rest and commune with nature. I said fuck earning a living, though I made a couple stabs at it. I tuned out the cell phones and computer a lot of the time and didn't worry about it. It was very healing. I found that all things living will communicate with you.  I still find the world so unfriendly and I still am not awake really, but what I came to is that I am going to start walking out around the unfriendly parts and just look for the good in everything. I forgive everyone because we are all on a tough walk with the blinders on. The world itself is in so much trouble that I only want to put love out there. I want to add love energy to the world and people. I came to this before I started tuning in to other seekers on youtube. 

It has been reaffirming all these teachers out there. I watch all of them because I think there are good things to learn from each and things that are ego based from each. In the end though we have to do something for ourselves.  I think if you just take baby steps like me, our paths will continue to get a little easier and maybe one day we find we are wide awake! My path is getting easier and I am deciding I am ready to be happy, I am ready to walk that way and I think as I do it in practice I get closer to feeling things I haven't felt in a long time. What have we got to lose, right? If you are going to be here, might as well make it a fun ride. Start deciding to be happy and leave the crap behind for a little bit each day. I think a new and beautiful world is coming and you don't want to miss it. Try to stick it out.

Bottom line I guess, I am still figuring it out, but I think it's about loving yourself first. Which means finding ways big and small to make yourself happy, compliment yourself, etc..  And doing no harm and not judging anyone else for their walk. Adding love in any small way we can. Even when we have to walk away from some people we can do it with an inner peace that says, I hope their walk gets easier.

Sorry if I went on a bit there. Hope it helps.

Love and unity,

Girl In The Woods

That helps and echoes inside of me, also gives me new ideas...

thank you  very very much 💕

love, peace, and cheers🌲🦋

Deneb

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On 3/7/2019 at 11:01 AM, Deneb said:

Totally agreed. 

I even seriously consider that incarnation may not be the only way to purge your "karma"in case there truly is something as such but that if you have a debt or contract or a will to help you can do it from other and easier realms... Maybe 3D is meant to learn "faster", or maybe we simply responded to the terrible cry for for help Mother Earth sent and still sends IMO. In that case one could simply "regress" from Source to down here just to wanna help and without realising the extent of suffering one goes through on this plane...  Who knows? 

I can remember an american psychologist who was very much into the starseeds phenomena and would take them as patients. I will not forget his conviction that these "beings" had apparently signed for a contract they weren't even given to read -love this image. To him "starseeds" were not delusional people at all, only true alien souls who accepted an assignment without being told everything about the conditions they would work under. I can relate to that.

I can also remember an alien channeling where the being was talking about the fact there ARE worst places than Earth to be in 3D, including a planet whose name was enough to convince the most reluctant souls into "landing" on Earth lol. Wich sounds also more than probable. What do you think?

love and cheers,

Deneb

It does seem like we are not being very "good to ourselves" coming here but I suppose on some level we are supposed to trust that our super god self will show us it is all worth while maybe.  I am not sure super god can even begin to relate to how painful it is to be dealt only half the deck.

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