Mattws111

I can't stop running away from my painful emotions

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I can't stop running away from my painful emotions

Hi, I'm a 24 year old male and I really struggle with being able to live the life I want to live, it is a rarity to see me happy and content with life and as mentioned, I run away from my painful emotions and use things like porn, food etc to feel better. I know these things are not going to help but when painful emotions get too much I surrender to them and have no control.

Maybe I've had a trauma in the past leading to this but since I got involved in spirituality my life has just been getting worse.

The main thoughts and realisations that give me alot of distress and painful emotions are :

• The idea of oneness - feeling like I am everyone else and everyone is me, feeling like I am not an individual although my brain tricks me into thinking I am, the only thing that exists is non duality.

• Knowing we aren't the body

• Life being one big illusion 

• The idea of 'me' not existing

i hope to find a spiritual counsellor but there's no guarantee they can help, does anyone know how I could get over these things and be able to stop running away from all these negative and painful emotions that these topics are causing me?

I just feel as though I have the inability to love anyone, be compatible in any relationship or friendship, I tend to push everyone away when I feel like this

 

 

Edited by Mattws111

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Hey, I feel your pain. I also had a time when I was caught up in these non-duality teachings and feeling very depressed. I was reading a lot of Krishnamurti and it made me feel like life was completely pointless. Now I realize that it’s because these teachings are a sort of absolute-truth objectivity, and as a subjective reader who is already in pain, we can’t help but interpret these neutral truths as something that causes pain. My suggestion is that, understand that right now your emotions are the most important thing. They are far more important and valid than the spiritual teachings you are reading about, because you are seeing everything through the lens of your pain. Know that everything you feel is 100% valid and has 100% reason to be there. There is ALWAYS a legitimate cause to you feeling a certain way. Try not to use these teachings as a way to invalidate your emotions. Go into subjective teachings like Teal’s childhood trauma teachings - they helped me a lot because I was using spirituality to dive into my personal issues rather than contemplate about something abstract and cold.

The teachings might be causing you pain in a few ways:

- Oneness: you know the absolute truth is that you are everyone, yet you don’t feel at all connected to everyone. So you blame yourself for not feeling the oneness. Or maybe no one really understands you, so emotionally you feel left out by this oneness.

- We aren’t the body: maybe you experience some physical pain or struggle with some physical needs, but this teaching tells you that you should not feel that pain/need, and that your pain/need is somehow unimportant or invalid.

- Life is illusion: maybe life to you is very real, because the pain you are feeling is so intense and it is swallowing you. But this teaching tells you that your pain is just an illusion, that it is nothing and it is stupid.

- “I” don’t exist: again, if “you” don’t exist that means your pain is not important, and your feelings are not important. 

I think all these teachings are true, but when we are in a state of pain and struggle, it is almost impossible to look at these truths and not interpret them through the lens of our pain. Think about why they are causing you distress and focus on those subjective reasons, and discard the objective teachings. Make your spiritual practice highly subjective and individual and centred on your emotions. Emotional work is key. Then the objective truths will arise from there.

Edited by Eveslofl
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On 2/23/2019 at 10:00 PM, Mattws111 said:

I can't stop running away from my painful emotions

Hi, I'm a 24 year old male and I really struggle with being able to live the life I want to live, it is a rarity to see me happy and content with life and as mentioned, I run away from my painful emotions and use things like porn, food etc to feel better. I know these things are not going to help but when painful emotions get too much I surrender to them and have no control.

Maybe I've had a trauma in the past leading to this but since I got involved in spirituality my life has just been getting worse.

The main thoughts and realisations that give me alot of distress and painful emotions are :

• The idea of oneness - feeling like I am everyone else and everyone is me, feeling like I am not an individual although my brain tricks me into thinking I am, the only thing that exists is non duality.

• Knowing we aren't the body

• Life being one big illusion 

• The idea of 'me' not existing

i hope to find a spiritual counsellor but there's no guarantee they can help, does anyone know how I could get over these things and be able to stop running away from all these negative and painful emotions that these topics are causing me?

I just feel as though I have the inability to love anyone, be compatible in any relationship or friendship, I tend to push everyone away when I feel like this

 

 

You are both body and soul as long as you are alive.

Being an individual, an entire unique soul and fragment of Source doesn't  contradict itself in any way with the concept and the fact of "Oneness". Think beyond duality.

First step to love is self-love...

cheers,

 

Deneb

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