Fake nightmare, real traumatic event when I was little

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Fake nightmare, real traumatic event when I was little

Hey Guys,

I really need your light and feelings about what I am about to share with you... (sigh)

I now realize the HUGE so-called self-sabotaging impact  this "fake" nightmare had on my entire life.

I even had/went to the point I STOPPED writing a very personal novel because I was afraid it could get my boyfriend (aka psycho ex now lol) killed. Whoever I loved actually. The dearest ones.

I am fighting a pseudo slef-censorship because I now know this huge fear of fulfilling my "mission", allowing myself to be happy etc...was an induced one.

Here is the story:

I was 5 or 6 and made this horrible "nightmare" I can only recall bits of. But what bits!

I was in what looked like a spaceship and the only creature I can remember was the one who told me straight in the eye:

"If you (...memory loss here of what he said) we"ll kill your mother."

The creature looked totally human. He was a male with long blonde hair and blue eyes and was dressed in a silver spacesuit with a svastika on the chest.

I used to think this horrible threatening was coming from a sick alien mouth but I truly considered the possibility he wanted to impersonate an alien but was...human.


I lost my mom to cancer after a dreadful agony 3 years ago and I am still trying to adapt to this "world" without her.

I have been through many losses in my life but losing her was very own personal Hiroshima and Nagasaki.


So, one year and a half ago I decided to start a very special novel but soon felt compelled to stop it for I was afraid it could get my (now ex) bf killed:/

This nightmare/pattern/trauma/event is rooted so deeply inside of me I even wonder if it isn't also... the root of what some others could call "suicidal tendancies" blah.

I would really appreciate your insight

love and cheers,








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