MorningStar9369

Obsessive Thoughts I'm in Hell

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Obsessive Thoughts I'm in Hell

 I have anxious thoughts. They are disturbing and gross and I'm scared cause I resist them cause it feels unnatural to do so. I dont like having the weird dreams and bizarre. Maybe Its because of the weird stuff I'm seeing on television cause the commercials scare and confuse me. My boyfriend also watches really weird stuff and has completely oblivious to the distress I'm in he just tells me I'm being crazy and I need to be put on meds but the meds put me in a dream state. I just think this world is so fucked up and scary and I have no idea what to do and I'm starting to lose my trust with humanity and reality. 

Heres my main worry get relief when I give up and I have a childhood tramau where I gave up and embraced my pain and made it into a joke. I just feel fucked. I'm way better than I use to be though  I remember that I was completely insane months ago and I survived it.

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MorningStar9369, I am so sorry you are suffering from these thoughts. Please know that you are not alone, I have experienced many intrusive and disturbing thoughts, myself.

I have found that Teal swans video on stopping thought is helpful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61ZOnN2TnXo 

For me personally I have found that googling "how to stop an intrusive thought?", helps to normalize intrusive thoughts and realizing that it is normal and that it happens to others takes the power away. Here's a website that I google: https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/unwanted-intrusive-thoughts

In addition to this, I have made an agreement with my therapist to email her when I get these thoughts. Writing it out and knowing that I've got support on the other side helps me to normalize it and lessen its power. Also, I have my sister (a mental health nurse) that I text and she helps me just by being there and letting me know that I am not alone. 

Having these thoughts can be so isolating and it's compounded by the panic you experience when you believe that thought or think you're going to "do" the thing you're thinking about. With practise, I have learned that I do trust myself and I know that I will not act on the things I am thinking. I have realized that anxiety is the reason I get these thoughts and I try to find the root of why I am feeling anxious and try to alleviate it. (Teals video here has great ideas about how to elevate anxiety naturally: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py_jRvkP7ho)

I am sending you so much love and hugs right now. I know what it is like and it is awful. You are not alone in this. xo

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Just a list of things to consider.

What is the duration or length of time that these disturbing episodes occur? Or is it ongoing? Other pesky details, like, when did this start and end?

What is the frequency or how often do the episodes occur? Are there blocks of time where you are in a more peaceful place? 

If the episode is continuous or lengthy, are the periods where it is less disturbing and other time strong?

 

How much do you know about your meds?   Have you researched them for side effect and interactions?  The instructions and information given out with them is not always complete. I've had

fellow workers, school the prescribing doctor on the lesser known interactions they were having. Even changes in your own day to day routines can affect how drugs work for or against you.

Weight loss, DIET changes, even the timing of meals can affect your body chemistry. 

 

The above list might help to figure out if there are any factors in your life that are 'related' to the feelings.   For example, some people advise against eating a snack less than a hour before sleep. Claims they get more heart pounding dreams.

 

On another note. Is there a personal space which you consider a 'calming' space?  You might have pictures, sounds, smells that remind you what you can and have been, good times. A place where you can peacefully unravel the disturbing choppy thoughts  without fear. Don't go into to such thoughts and think that this will be easy or painless.  But it may help you to walk through hell and back, without so much as a scorch mark.

 I  have several spaces I try to separate from all else.  One for sleep. One for work and entertainment. One for exercise and meditation These are physical spaces.  Places of order in a chaotic world.

Another thing to consider.

I don't believe anyone is immune for disturbing thought. Perhaps the key is to not suppress or deny they exist so long as they remain thoughts and nothing more. Also consider that the fact that they disturbed you is another good thing.  If I didn't think stealing a candy bar was disturbing, I might actually have no problem doing so. This is a good form of resistance. This is your shield.

 

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