Cassandra

Not Wanting Children

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Not Wanting Children

Hey fellow Tealers

I'd love to hear on you thoughts about having/not having children.

As a young woman, I'm often asked when I want to have children, assured that I will meet the right man and suddenly want children etc.

Spiritually, I acknowledge the argument that physical children confront us with our abandoned inner children, but I desire to reach connection through my inner children directly, instead of through a physical child.

What are your reasons for having children or not having children? For those who have children, what have you learned from them? For those who do not have children, how do you deal with the pressure to have children?

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Wanting or not wanting to have children is not a declaration of love.

Being on both sides of this spectrum (meaning having one biological child already seems to be not enough for grandparents and my brother is dragging his feet into a different direction, so my parents are under the impression that we are entering the extinction period) I came to the conclusion that people often associate presence of children with how "well" the couple is doing as if there is nothing else for them to do.

I personally know a very good couple that's been together for over 10-12 years. They do well financially, live and travel. But of course the fact that they don't have children seems to look abnormal because the world does need more people like them. The only thing that is "wrong" with them is that they still look as young as when they just got of school/college. Yes, this is what love can do to you 😊

It is absolutely normal for people not want to have children.  The environment has ALWAYS played a very dominant role in procreation. So stay tuned.

Speaking from a female's perspective, it feels more right to continue family tree when there is room for it not only physically but also financially. 

Imagine spending your whole life in a 1-bedroom studio and then moving into a house with a partner... there is a great chance that this couple either continues their family tree or gets a dog instead and plants an actual apple tree in a yard. That's life. We're naturally drawn to care for others,  to fill in the void, the empty space or at least to prepare it for something. Look at most people's garages. How does it go from 1-2 car space to no space to park a car?

Nature has an interesting way to control the quantity of the species. 

It is well-known that animals can abandon,  kill or even eat their young if they are born too weak/sick or if there is not enough food around, often due to lack of resources. This elimination of the young allows animals to preserve the strongest genes (the adults) and the food. It sounds terrible and cruel. On the other hand, the probability of the adults surviving the hard times are much higher and as next spring approaches they mate again anyway to continue the cycle. 

Governments have also stimulated people's desire to have more children. In my country they offer a good size apartment FREE to those who have 3 children. I know several classmates from my school/college who already took advantage of this offer despite their previous desires being very different in the past. And if I remember it correctly they also ended up with two properties because of buying a place years earlier to start a family. What would you say to that? Life without having to pay rent or mortgage does sound good. Plus you may even end up with a paycheck from a second property if you play your cards right 😉

 

 

 

Edited by Garnet
Added brother

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Those of you who believe in choosing parents for your reincarnated path, think about how long and what all it took for you to get where you are today right here to this moment.

It doesn't matter how old you are. If you are conscious responsible adult and human being capable of procreation (meaning healthy, not steral) then good news!

But... if you are one of the awakened ones, spiritually speaking... and doesn't want or not able to have children due to various life circumstances - sorry, sad news for all the souls lined up beside you waiting to reincarnate. And unfortunately with the rate it's going decent family choices are limilted. Perhaps this is why there is a sense of pressure. From above?

On 2/9/2019 at 10:53 AM, Cassandra said:

how do you deal with the pressure to have children?

Society doesn't really pressure. 

Who can dictate today to have children?

No one. 

Thank God fertility is in our hands today.

So, it's something inside that  usually creates a weight upon us as if there is  an internal knowing that we are not pushing enough beyond our own live' s purpose aka Next Life.

On 2/12/2019 at 7:05 PM, Garnet said:

I personally know a very good couple that's been together for over 10-12 years. They do well financially, live and travel. But of course the fact that they don't have children seems to look abnormal because the world does need more people like them

As Simon Sinek said "when the alpha female is off the market, we are all of the market" and perhaps the entire generation unless something is going to influence that.

And to give you another good example, I was checking with another close friend today. This couple is like love-birds of the neighborhood I grew up in. My mom always refers them as love-pigeons, and they truly are! They run a wedding business of their own, so they are aligned to match people together, celebrate marriage and life! This couple has been together for over 15 years to my best memory and they had their first child (and so far the only one) on their 10th anni versary. The free housing opportunity doesn't seem to affect them. Only common sense.

On 2/12/2019 at 7:05 PM, Garnet said:

The environment has ALWAYS played a very dominant role in procreation. So stay tuned

No one I know suddenly wants to procreate in the middle of nowhere or worse on a small forgotten island surrounded by ocean.

We are social species who are drawn to live together in groups from small villages and towns to big cities for easier and more comfortable life. 

So what's wrong with the picture?

Perhaps someone can continue the thought process from here.

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Ok girl friend ❤️ I wrote you the other night when I was feeling so overwhelmed. I just wanted to say that after writing to you I had a huge release of energy, it was like I just needed to tell someone how I really feel, so thank you for your topic.

 I just thought I would get on again and say a few more things while I'm not feeling enraged.

  It feels like most people who ask if you are going to have children are usually older, let me know if I'm wrong about that. They've been programed to believe that all women should have babies, this does cause a lot of issues because our childhoods we all have major issues and they might not come out until you have a little child in front of you as a matter of fact, they Will come out when you have kids.  You feel like your doing well doing inner child work and shadow work as much as you can most likely. 

I just got this beautiful picture of you waking up everyday when your body feels like it, you might have a job but after work you get to go do what ever you want, you can leave your house and make plans at the drop of a hat:)  and emotionally you have time for your self. Sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter how I feel I have to push threw:( this is hard for me because I'm a really sensitive person. 

When someone asks you what about having kids, tell them your true feelings, tell them your beauty plans for life without kids. It needs to be ok for us women to feel this way. The more people hear this, the more normal it will be, and you will be apart of that change💕

 

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If someone does not feel a desire to have children then I respect them for recognizing it.  We all have different callings in this world.  And obviously not all people do so well as parents. If we want to see the world change, let's leave parenting to those who feel called. There are enough fucked up and confused and unloved people running around the earth. If only more people would put more thought into whether or not they are prepared for the immense responsibility of parenting. Most are just pushing out babies because that's what we are taught to believe we are supposed to do.  I loved raising my son and we are close. He was a thought out and planned choice but if I knew then what I know now perhaps I could have been an even better parent. All thinking parents should recognize the job is destined to be flawed from the beginning but it's a responsibility for life and one that deserves a conscious decision and desire to do it better than the generations before us.  You will always fuck it up on some level so I hope at least you do it because you really want to, because like all of us, the child will know. It's not for everyone.

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Thank you for all the wonderful and nuanced answers. I am delighted to be in the group where openness and respect is present to this extend.

Mandy, I couldn't find your message, but I really resonate with your comment; the idea of living my life on the terms of another being that I am completely responsible for for at least 18 years is not in line with the feeling of expansion for me. I'd much rather shape my own life as I see fit, and I my best to serve the people around me in the process.

And Girl in the Woods it's interesting to hear the perspective of someone who has a child, and I think you are absolutely right: A person who does not feel called to be a parent would probably not be a great parent, thereby not saying that anyone will be a perfect parent no matter the circumstances.

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Hi Everybody,

I would like to just share my own thoughts about this topic and I hope it will be understood and taken with an open mind :) 

I'd say that from perspective CHILDREN should be a personal authentic decision. To have children should never be pushed as society standard or as something what every woman should do in order to be a good woman or a good wife. To have a child is not every woman's call at this life. This came as a certain ideology through history where a woman was seen as a carer, wife in home and children barer. As the world is changing this idea about a woman is shifting so nowadays its a traditional, old way of thinking but not necessarily up to date. 

We developed into more free open wide society who slowly embraces things like gay people, transgenders etc but when it comes to children it's still a big resistance from many people. 

Personally when a topic about kids comes up in conversation and immediately feel I need to put up a wall/barrier to be ready to fight off the typical copy cat believes and questions and opinions what will follow. Such as - Do you want kids? - No - Oh, why not. ( Is this should even be a question? I think its personal matter... ) - I just don't want to have kids. - Now the funny part comes - You will see when you get older. ( I heard this from I was 16 and I am 31 still didn't change my mind :D ) - U will change your mind - NO I won't I have it sorted in myself. - When the right man will come then, you will want to have kids. - How a man can change it? ( never got this really like this can actually happen ) ... ok basic things but next stuff usually starts to piss me off like - But your mom would love to have a grandchild... ( as long as I know you don't have kids of other people do you O.o ) and the biggest mob I got was - you can have a child and family will just take care of it. - u kidding me? :D ah Gosh... and so on I bet many of you knows this. But what happens when people do have kids isn't what we always think it happens. Cause people lie...

If we would look into the current state of many parents we would see that lot of them actually didn't felt to have children, but they gave up or buldoze themselves the cause of family pressure, society pressure of lack of self awarness. Then this also ends up in many dificult family dynamics, abandonmet or living your dreams through your children silent resentment and so on. 

People around me have no personal sense and start making kids because they are lonely, bored, insecure and the worst thing to keep a man. When I see people telling me how they want to live their life and suddenly got kids and lost their life purpose... their freedom, their inner part and trapped themselves into a cage of pampers they keep pretending how happy they are but they actually bulldozed their parts who did not want to have a family yet or at all... aftermath is much worse than not having children what so ever. 

Every person has different goals and purposes in life and wants to experience different things, its not all about having kids and should be completely normal and for some reason still up till this day its a big boohoo even in Hollywood where everyone slandering Jenn Aniston for just following her gut. 

Again to be very honest because I feel I can at this place under a Teals wings - that I feel personally disgusted by mom's communities, endless pictures of babies on fb and conversations about babies and their clothes. I always distance myself from people who starts families - they change and its not bad but I feel some fundamental pisces of them just dies off and they enter this new reality and become much more fake to me then people without kids... almost like they use their kids for every exuse they can come up for life... just marvelos sh*tness to me.

Hope nobody was offended please with my thoughts and thanks for space. :)

 

Have a good day.

 

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