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Friends and Shadow Work

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Friends and Shadow Work

Recently I have started doing shadow work again after a long break. I forgot how hard it is, not the shadow work itself, but how it affects your life. While doing shadow work, new shadows come up everyday and so I have to spend more time in negative emotions trying to integrate them. I often want to share my discoveries and my pain with my friends but I realize there is not really anyone who I can do that with. There was a period a while ago when I was doing a lot of shadow work and constantly sharing my negative emotions with my friends and ran out of "quota" if you know what I mean... There was only so much I could share at once without feeling like I'm dumping garbage onto them. Now when I talk to my friends I am very aware of this and try not to reveal too much of my shadow work. But when my days are predominantly in shadows and when my mood is predominantly low, thats the only truth I can share when they ask "how are you today". I try to be truthful about not feeling good as well as not being "too negative". But I wonder if this is the right way to go about it. It becomes very lonely if I keep withholding my negativity just to be diplomatic. With some friends, as soon as I start revealing something negative they immediately want to change how I feel and give advice. I am used to that and I understand their point of view so I move on with the conversation. Some of my friends have begun to practice the whole positive thinking LOA stuff, and that is just the worst... But I try to support their positivity nonetheless. It is actually inauthentic of me to pretend that I support their LOA practice just to be "diplomatic". But I know that if I reveal my shadow work to them it would just be a never ending clash. So I didn't tell them much about how I really feel etc. There are so many discoveries in shadow work that I just have no one to share with. That's why I thought you guys might have some experience with this. How do you interact with your friends while you are immersed in shadow work? Is shadow work meant to be a lonely process?

Edited by Eveslofl

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I don't really have any experience with shadow work so hopefully someone else can answer your question more specifically. However, I have had depression my whole life on and off and I can tell you right now that how you feel right now is literally how everyone with depression feels all the time unless you have friends who also have depression. Maybe you should try to make some depressed friends lol. But Teal has a video about how to be authentic. One question to ask yourself is will saying what you want to say to your friends hurt them? Is it necessary for your authenticity to share how you really feel more often? First of all, I would never lie to my friends just to not be a downer lol. If I feel like shit I'll tell you lol. But I won't go on about it for more than a minute because everything is vibration. If your energy is low and your friends' energies are high, no one wants to be brought down from a high. Put yourself in their shoes. I'm sure you've experienced having a great day and then someone wants to complain to you about something. Of course you care about them but it brings you down and you kind of want to change the subject to how happy your day was. Am I right? That's because as human beings our natural state is joy and when our friends are depressed we care a lot and we're their for them but you have to be careful that you're not hurting your friends by bring ing them down. I do think that if you bring people down all the time that is kind of like hurting a person in a way. Because think about plants or Dr. Emoto's water experiment. If you say negative things around a plant or to water, the plant dies and the water crystals look broken bit when you speak positively around a plant it thrives and when you speak positively over a cup of water its crystals look beautiful. We all all profoundly affected by every other human's energy in this life because we are vibrational beings. So you don't want to be an accidental energy vampire. Everyone has powerful energy because we are all vibrational beings and I think we have to take care of our friends by spreading positivity around them as much as possible so they thrive. So I suggest that you get a therapist or find some friends maybe in a support group for depression or shadow work or online that are already on a lower vibration. 

 

When I had depression, I would vent to my friends and then they would distwnce themselves from me for the reasons that I stated above. People just don't want to be brought down if they are in a high vibration. I also just had shitty friends though. So you can try venting to your friends though but they might distance themselves from you if they normally have higher vibrations because as our vibrations change drastically, we lose friends and gain friends on the new vibration we're at. It's unfortunate but your friends are always a match to you. 

That's why I suggest you see a therapist or find a suppirt group online or in person or find friends who have depression and will not mind your venting.

I had shitty friends. But maybe your friends will be cool and support you. So I would suggest that you go ahead and vent to them everything that you feel all in one day so you get it all out there and then after that vent whenever you feel lonely. That shouldn't hurt your friends. So I would go ahead and vent to your friends if I were you. Just don't bring them down every day and then that shouldn't "hurt" them vibrationally speaking. 

And if I were you I would tell them how I really feel about everything including their LOA practices. Just realize that if they have a different opinion to you no one is ever right or wrong. I got intona fight with a friend who didn't believe in the LOA and I realize now that I should have stated what I believe in and accepted their beliefs as valid for them instead of trying to convince them to believe what I believe. Because everyone is right in their opinion. If they disagree with you then be authentic and tell them what you believe but accept their diffenrent beliefs and let it go without getting into an argument about it. Because everyone is going to believe what they want to believe no matter how hard you try to persuade them anyway! 

And if you keep not being authentic and not saying how you really feel to your friends all the time then you are going to close your throat chakra and probably your solar plexus chakra too. So you have to be authentic. Just don't be negative every day around them. Vent as much as you feel is necessary to be authentic for you without making your friends be stuck in those lower vibrations with you all the time. It's difficult to find that balance. But if you are thinking in any moment "I'm not being authentic with my friends right now" that is probably your indication that you need to go ahead and just vent everything out and tell them everything that you really feel in that moment. And then when your gut tells you, I don't really need to vent right now and it will be unnecessary for me to do so right now then maybe don't vent in that moment. 

Like I said getting a therapist would be good for you. Or just venting online like this helps.

And if your friends get mad at you for telling them what you really think and you're not telling them how you feel in a mean way that will hurt their feelings a lot, then they are not good friends for you and you need to make new friends. True friends will accept you as you are and they will want to stay friends even if you need to vent a lot. I just had shitty friends that turned out to be bad friends because they didn't want to hear all of my venting when I was depressed. A real friend will stick with you no matter what even if you vented to them negative things all day every single day. So be yourself or get friends who you can be authentic around. But it's up to you what to do.

 

I hope you understand what I was saying about how inundating people with too much negativity can kind of "hurt" them in a way because then their vibration lowers and therefore, they attract more negativity in their life. I am not calling you an energy vampire. You are not an energy vampire. I was just using that term as an example because people who are negative a lot or complain a lot or criticise a lot tend to be accidental vampires who "drain" people of energy by accident. That's what I meant by you can "hurt" people by accident by just really bringing their energy down and bringing them into a place of depression with you when you inundate them in too much negativity. 

 

As a side note, I have not tried shadow work. And I want to try it. But I really follow Abraham Hick's teachings more than Teal's and I kind of feel like shadow work isn't necessary at all. I don't think people should put their heads in the sand about themselves. But I kind of thought that shadow work was supposed to make you feel better afterwards, not worse. Do you think it's helping you have a happuer life or do you think that maybe it's leading you towards depression? Personally, I believe that if you go to dark places too much you might find yourself having a nervous breakdown that you can't get out of for years because of all of that momentum. Then is the shadow work worth all the trouble? Does Teal warn people that that shadow work can lead to a nervous breakdown? Because I think it could. And I think she would be pretty irresponsible to not warn people about the possibility of having a breakdown. I've had nervous breakdowns EASILY just from going to those dark places for a few days or a few weeks and then finding myself stuck in a black hole for months or years. So is it really worth all of that? I guess I just don't think it's a good idea for me personally to do shadow work for those reasons. But maybe it's helping you. But do you think that the shadow work is helping you in the long run? Maybe I'll try shadow work someday when I feel I can handle it.

Edited by Magical Meadows

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Hey @Magical Meadows, thank you so much for your long and detailed reply! 

It is interesting to think of it that way, that venting to my friends might actually hurt them, just like killing a flower with too much negative energy. I myself have experienced the other side of the fence of being vented to, and it does feel super draining and even though I know I should be listening, sometimes I just don’t have the energy to.

I feel that all this is very complicated. On one hand, you only attract “venters” if you yourself have the same suppressed issues in you. So when someone vents to you it is your chance to be unconditionally present with them, so that you are unconditionally present with your suppressed issues. For example I have a friend who just won’t stop talking about how painful her life was, everytime we meet, and I realized while listening that I myself desperately want people to know how painful my life was, but I am just too ashamed to do so. On the other hand though, how much of this so called unconditional listening to “venters” is healthy and not self-harming? When should you respect your boundaries and stay away from these negative friends, and when should you stay with them in order to integrate their pain, which is merely a reflection of your suppressed pain? The only way to know is through your own discernment I guess.

About shadow work, yes it has the danger of pulling you to very low vibrations. That is why there are good and bad times to do shadow work. A bad time is when you are so so depressed already or suicidal, then shadow work will actually make things worse. In that case the positive thinking thing or searching for relief is a much better option. A good time to do shadow work is when you feel empowered enough to be able to choose to dive deep into the negative vibrations, knowing that since you control your reality, you could also come back up when necessary. Again this is up to your own discernment and it can be quite hard sometimes to know how much shadow work you should do at a time. It is very difficult work and as Teal teaches mainly through her online content, she cannot guide every individual to do shadow work in a safe way. However I really look up to her work because I’ve never seen anything so “to the point” that deals with the root of all problems and that explores all the facets of so many issues.

I believe that the desire to do shadow work comes naturally whenever we are on a positive high vibrational stride and something unexpected blindsides us, or whenever the same issue just keeps coming back again and again no matter how much positive focus we do. Then that is a time to do shadow work on those issues. Do you feel empowered about creating your reality and creating positive feeling states? Then I think there is no harm in trying shadow work the next time you bump into a reoccurring issue. But if your main concern is about whether you will end up in that black hole again, then maybe more positive focus would be good in order to prove to yourself that yes you have the ability to make yourself feel better. Teal has some videos on finding relief and on how to get out of a negative spiral. But when shadow work is done thoroughly, it is supposed to naturally relieve you. This is because when you release all resistance to your worst feelings completely, they will run their course and they won’t just be stuck there forever. Usually being stuck in a negative feeling means you haven’t released resistance to that negative feeling yet. But again this is way harder than I am making it sound. And I know that being stuck in a negative spiral is pure hell. In my experience yes shadow work really did help me open up a whole dormant area of myself and thus improve my life, but gradually, because it really is like pandora’s box, so once you open it, all the shit comes flying out. But once you opened it, you won’t regret it because now you know that there were so many things in you that were crying to be heard and to be present with, that you rather live knowing about these issues than covering them up ever again. 

I had some horrible friends too. When I told them my problems and revealed my vulnerabilities they took the opportunity to shame me while showing off that they are much better people than me. Some of them actually apologised to me a while later. I’m more careful now with who to tell and what to tell and when. You are right, it is a good idea to have a therapist who I can really share this negativity to. One more thing is, the more I don’t share my negative feelings, the more they are repressed, and the more I attract other people who vent their extreme negativities to me. It is quite interesting actually. And I sometimes find that because I used to be (long time ago) very very suppressed, meaning I never told anyone anything negative, when I finally opened myself up, I was like a broken tap that runs forever... All that need to be heard became so over the top and I just couldn’t get enough people to listen to my pain. But at this point the only thing I can do is to vent, vent, vent, to the right people, and hopefully one day I will reach a healthy stage where my need to be heard is no longer starved to the point of being perverse and extreme.

Edited by Eveslofl
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