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Disability and relationships

Hello everyone,

I'm new to this forum, having "discovered" Teal Swan and her wonderful videos and blog posts only recently. It seems like you have created a friendly, welcoming kind of online space here. 

To jump right in, I'll simply ask my question and see what feedback, if any, comes my way. Thanks for your attention!

As a (heterosexual) man with several relatively severe disabilities (cerebral palsy, high-functioning autism, extreme myopia), how do I come to terms, spiritually speaking, with the fact that I have been unable so far to find a woman who thought I was attractive enough to want to enter into a relationship with me?

To provide you with at least some context: I'm 34 years old, living on my own, without assistance, except a cleaning lady who comes once a week. I did attend college, but dropped out due to various circumstances. Currently I have no job, although a job offer, which looked positive, did come my way quite recently. (In a few weeks time, I'll know whether the company involved really wants to hire me or not.)  Generally, I think my life is pretty awesome. It's very much uneventful, but filled with beauty and joy.  I enjoy literature, music, natural science (which I studied in college), chess; all of these both passively (as a consumer) and actively (as a creator, participant).  These are worlds I can completely lose myself in. But sometimes, not often, a profoundly painful feeling of loneliness creeps into my existence. Furthermore, I also enjoy sex, which I find meaningless and unsatisfying without at least some sort of deeper connection.

I have been rejected in the erotic sphere more often than I care to recount. Women generally seem to like me, as someone to talk to, but they are simply not attracted to me. Sometimes I can even see it in their eyes, a look somewhere midway between disgust, guilt, and sympathy. All this rejection has had a rather corrosive effect on my soul; it has made me cynical, and has caused me to embrace things like MGTOW (men going their own way) for a while. However, I strongly feel that this acquired cynicism is ill-matched with who I truly am at my profoundest level. Being a cautious optimist, I would like to find some sort of spiritually constructive way to deal with this pain inside of me. If it really is impossible for me to find a mate in this life (it's starting to look like it), then at least this aspect of my life has to be made bearable one way or another.

Should anyone be able to provide any help or insights, I would be most grateful. The best to all of you!

Edited by Divergent Integral

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Childhood sexual abuse left me with severe anxiety and depression as an adult. The only answer I have found after twenty years of counseling is engagement. Life does not come to us we have to go to it.

Engaging people takes us out of our heads and toward possibility.

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15 hours ago, Pecos said:

Childhood sexual abuse left me with severe anxiety and depression as an adult. The only answer I have found after twenty years of counseling is engagement. Life does not come to us we have to go to it.

Engaging people takes us out of our heads and toward possibility.

Thank you for your helpful answer. I admire your being so open about your difficult past. It helps me grow towards Oneness to realize that many other people have difficult things to deal with as well. All the best to you, and keep engaging with life. I will try to do the same.

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you mentioned you were on the spectrum... i myself am too, and what i found is, that meaningful connections really are formed, at least in my life, only with other people on the spectrum and take a lot of time to get to a level that is so deep on every level that sexuality may arise out of it too, in a satisfying way. as harsh as it may sound and as exclusive as it may present, what i found to be my truth is that for real intimacy, neurotypicals and people on the spectrum are just wired too differently to not bring more confusion than intimacy into a relationship. 
maybe this aspect might help you do some thinking/emotional exploring about whom you want to seek out to connect... i wish you to find yourself a wonderful mate!

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Hi and welcome to the forum. This place is indeed more than just an online community. No cult, no isms, no ideology but a place that you will find full of wonderful and various minds and souls who gather to help oneself and one another, learn, have fun, share stories, theories, recipes, whatever it is you need to share. I arrived here as an emotional wreck and I am currently typing these lines remembering an ascended human brain is one where both rational and emotional parts function as equals to complement each other. Full time job not to be a slave to own's past and stay unpolluted by some of your surroundings!

Anyhow, I DO think and sense your true problem is not your "disability" but rather what I would call -and what Teal called as well- "chasing the runner".

In other terms I get the feeling you are attracted to women who are not interested into you, and that another part of the problem is the way you view and label yourself: a disabled man.

You are viewing yourself through this disability filter and reducing yourself to what is NOT you but only flaws of your human vessel!

I know what I am about to write is sometimes easier said than done but it is all about making it a habit:

to first give yourself unconditional love and remember you ARE a man, not a broken little doll and neither this disability itself.

I hope you understand what I am trying to convey here: the fact you DO suffer from a disability does NOT affect your true core, your soul.

I sense a big conflict between your soul and the character you decided to build -you phrased it your own way.

These humans -please don't mind my very own pleasure wich is not to identify with our vessels' species- can barely accept anything different to them.

Not a reason not to accept oneself, what do you think?

 

love and cheers,

 

Deneb

 

 

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