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Forgiving

Almost a year ago I went through a divorce. Although it went reasonably amicable, we could not live in the same house anymore so for a while I stayed here and there making me an economic homeless. Shortly after my leaving my husband I became involved with someone else. It was a rather intense relationship. To make a long story short: I had a herpes outbreak. My GP told me the outbreak was an acute one and it came from the one I had a relationship with. Because I have Lupus I get very regular checks and my former husband was clean and he and I stoped having sex for a very long time in the relationship. This herpes will stay with me for the rest of my life and I will have to have safe sex. That on it's own is not a big deal for me, but I have noticed it is a big thing for men. What I am struggling with is that the man who gave me herpes does not take any responsibility for his actions at all( the relationship is over since a few months). How do I forgive someone who simply moves on with his life and leaves me with Herpes that will effect me the rest of my life? How do I move on from this? 

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Give your herpes to someone else. LOL!... Kidding! No, what you SHOULD do is to understand the root of your suffering.

Look deep into your suffering and understand the reason (s) why you suffer. Take care of your suffering like a mother holding a baby. And when you come to the realization that you will continue to suffer as long as you hold on to the pain and resentment of the person that has caused you to suffer, then you can begin to let go of your suffering.

The pain and resentment we hold onto can often cause more damage in our lives than our physical ailments. So first realize the reason you want to get to a space of forgiveness is not because the person that has caused you to suffer deserves to be forgiven, but because you deserve to be free from your suffering. This will develop in you a selfish motivation to let go of the pain and resentment that is causing you to suffer so much.

Forgiveness is something we do FOR another person, but because we are mad at this person we cannot develop the motivation to let go of the pain and resentment that is causing us to suffer. But we can develop a selfish motivation. So the first step is to understand that you are doing this for you, not the other person. That's the reason you want to move into a space of forgiveness in the first place (to end your suffering).

But in this context, we've changed the meaning of 'forgiveness.' In this context, forgiveness is freedom. Freedom from what? Freedom from suffering. (YOUR suffering not that of the other person.) All those evangelists that preach "forgiveness" are really preaching freedom. They're preaching the "spiritual version" of forgiveness not the conventional version (our everyday understanding of the word). So know that.

In my own experience, I was wronged repeatedly by a narcissist. I felt this person was antagonizing me into killing them! I was so angry at this person. For months I had this person living inside my head--antagonizing me. This caused me a great deal of suffering. I was prone to outbursts and often hurt myself in the process or someone else (unintentionally).

It got to a point where holding onto the pain and resentment from this person who has caused me to suffer was causing more damage to my well-being than the initial harm that he had caused me to begin with! At that point, I wanted to move into a space of forgiveness because I desperately wanted freedom from the cause of my suffering. I wanted to be free from the pain and resentment I felt towards this other person for selfish reasons. So that my revenge would be freedom from suffering. More importantly, I wanted to get this person completely off my mind! That finally gave me the motivation to let go of the pain, resentment, and anger I'd been holding onto for months.

Of course, once I regained my equanimity (my freedom) I did not grant this other person clemency! He does not deserve clemency! Even the pastors will say, only God can grant such clemency to a person who does not deserve it. As for Buddhism, this is where the Law of Karma comes into effect. Through bad Karma the other person will inevitably suffer more in return!

It may not be the answer you want to hear, right now. But sometimes the best revenge is living well! So I hope this will motivate you to be free from your suffering and give you your life back. However, realize we often have to suffer more than the initial harm before we can move into a space of freedom. (Of course, in the meantime, there's always voodoo rituals you can perform to hex the other person [kidding!].)

Edited by Broken_Mirror33
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He says that he did not know but I have my doubts. Even if he did, it does not matter.It is up to me how I learn to live with that. Revenge is not my thing. As I said in my post I am struggling with forgiveness.

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9 hours ago, Dannika said:

I bumped into Teal's video about forgiveness:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nmd6b-PEO4k

Somehow when I am struggling with something a video of her pops up and everything makes sense.

 

Yeah, this will be the third time that I've watched it. I already have an understanding of "forgiveness" that works for me, but I wanted to see how it squares with Teal's. The main difference is that I approach it from a more Buddhist perspective, instead of a more nuanced New Age perspective. But after understanding the various nuances involved, I agree with Teal's perspective wholeheartedly and it resonates with my personal experience (except the whole sodomy thing, lol!).

Now all I have to do is watch the other 8 videos or so she recommends, and then I might be ready to tackle the "Completion Process." (Good grief!)

...May the Source be with me!

Edited by Broken_Mirror33
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Broken, I was also thinking, since it is a rainy day today with lots of wind that I will have a Teal day and bing her video's

 

May the source be with you Broken.

 

Have a good day

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