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Mattws111

Scared to start meditating

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Scared to start meditating

Hello,

I've been wanting to meditate for quite a while now however I'm scared to do it for the possibility of it showing me some scary things such 'I' don't exist and the non seperation of all living things etc.

On the other hand I've heard of many benefits it can offer and cannot think of anything else that would help me, I have to deal with anxiety, depression, rumination and obsessive thoughts on a daily basis.

Another thing is will I still be able to connect and have a romantic relationship with someone who isn't spiritual or doesn't meditate or will it not work because we wouldnt be able to relate and my consciousness wouldn't match theirs?

How can I get rid of this fear? I'm 24 years old and could do with moving forward with my life instead of staying stuck for so long.

Edited by Mattws111

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Perhaps you need to meditate with a focus on learning about yourself. Look over what you've written. You mention scared and fear. You mention obsessive thoughts and ruminations; sounds like another form of expression based in fear. Just a suggestion to study about the nature of fear. Some of my own experience and philosophy is that fear is a projection of something that has not happened; something you think MIGHT happen.  Breaking fear down into phases.

1. Conditioning.

Some of this is hard wired. Placing you hand on a hot plate and the hand immediately withdraws. Body protecting itself.  Autonomous to an extent.

Sometime its something you have experienced in the past has set up the conditioning.  It can be both positive (joy), negative (fear) or indifference (ever wonder where apathy comes from). Every experience entails some form of judgement on your part based on cause and effect. Someone compliments your and your day goes well. Positive conditioning. Touched an electrified horse fence by accident. Negative conditioning. Note that repeated experience can heighten the connection/conditioning. Touch the fence more times ; I think you get the idea. Keep in mind that situation can change. Maybe in fifteen years that same fence which used to be electrified horse fence isn't any more. You would be surprised at the reluctance to touch it years later until you recondition yourself.

2. Trigger.

I have some computer programming in my background, so I call that a semi autonomous decision logic. If this event or sets of events occurs, then 'the default' reaction.  The trigger is the events causes the reaction to occur. The first time or few times may condition or bias your reaction. After that.... you could call it a trigger the set things in motion.

3. Reflex Reaction. 

What else? The reaction. In your case, reluctance or avoidance.

 

How you approach dealing with the fear may vary. If you fear meditating because X, Y, or Z might happen. Doesn't it sound like you're going into the meditation with expectations? Do you want to learn about yourself or simply get confirmations. I've always approach meditation with the word learn. I want to know myself or more precisely to learn about myself and current status openly. It allows your mind to explore the possibilities available including those that are  sometimes suppressed by your own expectations. Bypassing your fear.

To help 'unstick' yourself. Try a little Angel's advocate. (play on words). Go into the meditation with the opposite expectations and see what happens.

 

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2 hours ago, wdhcoa said:

@Mattws111, I'll take a fact from your post and focus on it.

You want to meditate and you're afraid to meditate.

 

There's this wicked nasty slimy thing going around in the world, like an unhappy rule: if you take something, take it whole.
It's hard to notice the restriction (the subtle obligation to ignore who you are) in daily situations because we are used to see things, actions etc. as fixed unities - like boxes that we can move here and there, change their positions, throw away, but can't open and do whatever we want with their insides.

When we have attraction toward something (wanting), but also an aversion toward it (fear) it's because some things in the box are really really cute to us, while others are incompatible with who we are right now (whatever reason - bad past experience with it, boredom about it, belief that it's not safe etc).

Incompatible means incompatible, life is short, we have a lot of joy to do, whatever the reason for aversion, it is VALID, and respecting this and puting those things aside is HEALTHY. So feel free to.

Take what is cute to you and enjoy watching your self unfolding.

((The challenge, which can be quite fun though, is to disassemble the concept))

So when you said incompatible, your saying you just want me to live life alone not being able to relate to anyone cuz oh yeah, life's short anyway?

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Your state of mind, going into meditation, can greatly affect the experience. If your mind is racing out of control and you try to focus on the thoughts, then how can you at the same time exercise awareness. How can you be a participant and an observer?  You want to master being an observer first and formost. You have to let go of that expectation of a bad experience or any expectation for that matter. Let your thoughts flow without being a participant, like your going into a movie theater, but don't know what movie you'll  be seeing? No need to get anxious as the content could be anything, pleasant, comical, bland or scary as hell. Like in a movie, those images will not really affect you. After all, you're just an observer. If it helps, you're the security guard watching the screens.  So put your feet up, get out the popcorn and watch the movie.

If you're still having trouble, you could also start out by practicing breath control in the beginning to soothe and relax yourself and settle the mind down.  You're looking for stillness, not inactivity. Might not be a bad idea, come to think of it, as it teaches what awareness feels like. Know how each breath feels. Hear each heartbeat.  Just be aware of each breath and each heartbeat.  You could expand that. I used to focus on the color purple or blue that I would see against the darkness when my eyes were closed. They had a pattern to them that I observed. This is being an observer and not a participant.  Try mastering this first.

Edited by BeyondTheRim
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