little angel

A part of me wants to abuse heroin

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A part of me wants to abuse heroin

I have this very weird vision.. .But it really speaks to me. I don't want it to, because it is very destructive.

I recently had a dream about meeting a man who is a heroin addict and I fell in love with him in the dream, or at least I was attrcated to him(even though he had scabs all over his face he was beautiful and sexy to me). This was a very vivid dream with lots of other factors but it would take to long to write all of them down now. I want to focus on the heroin aspect because i catch myself day-dreaming(even long before I had this vivid dream about the man) about being a junkie girl with a junkie, we live in an apartment and we do heroin and smoke cigarettes and drink wine... A ”trashy” life..

It is so weird. I have never done heroin but I have tried othet opiates and most other drugs when I had an experimentation phase. 

I don't know why I think like this, this thought draws me in more than a vision of having a succesful career with a healthy lifestyle with a kind simple guy. It makes me bored and I feel sometimes that I could never keep a high-paying job because I would get so bored. My dream is to make art and move into my own apartment and I am trying to manifest abundance I and I feel patient with that.

But the shadow aspect of me that wants to be a heroin addict always comes back to haunt me. How on earth can this thought be so appealing to me... and I feel like I could never talk to anyone about it in real life bacsue they would be worried and think something is seriously wrong with me. 

Anyone with thoughts?

 

Edited by little angel

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The first thought that comes to mind would be that you did in fact meet a man in your lifetime or maybe another that could have led you down this path, lets call it destruction, which couldve easily led to more contrast which can sometimes create more enlightment since suffering can be one of the ways in gaining a higher state of conciousness. 

On the other hand when I finished reading I thought you may have a split about this whole abundance deal and becoming an artist, it may be even subconscious. Does something inside relate to the junkie in a hopeless love relationship with becoming an artist who attempts to manifest abundance? 

Just ideas to play with..

 

Much love ❤

Edited by karissa.olson87

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