CandiceHolland

Eternal connection through children?

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Eternal connection through children?

I have struggled daily with this concept that I am eternally connected to my children's father's no matter what I do to better my life or my vibration. Them being abusers and on a low frequency of shame and me trying to rise my frequency to match with my higher self I still feel an eternal cage around me. I feel trapped and held captive to these abusers because we have children that connect us. That I will never be truly free of their abuse because we have children that biologically binde me to them. The government re-enforces this concept as well. They put laws out that govern parents interactions. Forcing them to interact even if they truly want separation, because of the children involved. Regardless of whether it is a  healthy interaction. I struggle with thoughts that the only way I could ever be fully free of them is if they cease to exist all together. Or I do. Or the children do. I resent the children for being that unwanted perceived connection by being irritable and unfair to them at times. I resent the government for forcing connections that are unhealthy. I resent myself for re-enforcing this perceived connection by believing it's true. This leaves me with a lot of feelings of anger. My boundary is to feel freedom in my life and the cross is that because we have children I will never be able to attain this level of freedom I desire. No matter how high my vibrations are. What can I do to feel true disconnection from their control and abuse? What can I do to feel true freedom from this biological entanglement that I fear will override any attempt I make to reach a higher vibration? 

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I have a lot of questions since to me you are a lot like my mother...

Do you believe the father of the children is good to the kids unlike how he treated you?

Is this person still abusive?

Why would it be wrong if you did cut him out of your lives indefinitely?

Do you believe there are a lot of unhealed aspects regarding this topic?

What can you do to start healing?

Regardless these children are made up of both of you, if they think one or the other is a monster or just bad they will start to believe that within themselves too, im sure you are aware of this I just believe in reminders. I do have more questions but I did not want to overwhelm you.

Much Love,

Karissa

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These men are overall very unhealthy and very abusive. In the way they view the world and the way they treat others. Racism, sexism, justification of abuse, etc.. They are both addicts who chose those lifestyles over raising the children in healthy environments. They do not work or provide any amount of support for the lives of my daughter's. It is no question that they don't belong in their lives at this time. What I struggle with is finding my disconnection from their paths and what paths they choose to take. What I want to learn is how to let go and forgive them but also keep my boundaries. My children will know the truth of what happened to separate them from their fathers and I believe that they will fully understand why when the time comes for that understanding to occur. At some point I do know it's their choice to be involved with them but I don't believe they will want to. The thing I struggle with is feeling controlled by them in the sense that they have that biological connection. My eldest daughter (Eleanor) struggles with the abuse and its impact on her and my youngest (Luna) struggles with hypersensitivity because of the abuse in utero and post birth trauma. We see a therapist to handle these things but it's more about me and my thoughts than how the absence of their fathers effects them. Eleanor understands fully why these people are not in our lives and once Luna is capable of such understanding I'm sure she will have no problems. As of now I have full custody of both girls so it's not that I fear how they will feel later. Of course I care how they feel about it and of course we talk about it when it's brought up. It is not that that I am struggling with. It's literally these thoughts that I have that tell me I am forever trapped and caged. That no matter my distance or control in the situation I will never be free of their grip. So my question is 'Am I eternally connected to these abusers because we share children?' or do I have the freedom I already desire and as long as I desire that freedom will the universe move around me accordingly? Do their desires to control or manipulate me override my desire for freedom? Or am I only allowing myself to be controlled or manipulated because I feel this eternal connection is the whole truth? Are you truly 'connected' in the way society says you are or are you able to sever these 'connections'? Can I disconnect fully from someone I share a child with or is it eternally binding? An unspoken contract of the universe? Will their paths always cross with mine regardless of my energetic vibrational frequency? Or will the universe help to keep our paths separate throughout our lives here so long as that is what I desire? If I am not a match to them will the universe still allow our paths to cross because of this unspoken contract? Is what I need to learn acceptance and faith in the universe to protect me from me? If I manifest these things is disconnection enough when children are involved? As in, is it enough to chose a different path and trust that these abusers will cease from my reality or does the biological connection with children override any amount of trust and power given to the flow? Will they still have access to me and my path regardless of whether I desired that access or not because of the biological ties? 

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When you say "these men" in the first sentence my first knee jerk response was O dear she is lumping all the men into this category, now I see you are referring to both men who are the fathers of your babies, got it. Other than seeing the children as the only blessings that came from these relationships can you see any other hidden blessings? To answer some of your questions...No I dont believe you are tied to these men eternally, but the fact is that your children are no matter what, how does that make you feel? Even in a more eternal aspect we are all one, so these men (no matter of their limited thinking while physically here) will be completely different in higher form, my assumption. You dont have your freedom due to the limited belief that you are a prisoner to this connection that you realize will no longer serve you. I have a few more questions but I also dont want to miss anymore of yours. There is more to your story, Id like to know more about..ill send you a message.

Hugs xo

Karissa

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Yes there is a lot to my story. I come from a lot of trauma and sexual abuse/physical abuse/emotional abuse/ ALL the abuse manifested in this reality. I did mull this over in my head/on paper, with my dear friend and my mom. After analysing all of these questions and beliefs I did discover that this was a core belief that I've carried for a long time and it added a great deal to my self hatred and shame. I realized I don't have to believe this. What is true now in the moment is that you are only as connected to anyone in this world as they are active in your reality. That is not to say we are disconnected from oneness. Just disconnected from people who are not active members of our reality. So the children are not as connected as I felt before. It made me think the physical world is limited to what we want to experience so my kids are safe and will continue to be safe all their lives. I feel that saying a person is connected to another eternally because they are their parent can be condemning especially for people who are products of rape. It's completely ok for a person to not feel connected to a biological part of themselves. Or to not resonate with that aspect of this life and still feel very whole and happy. They are there own people regardless of biological makeup. That only shapes how your body was made not so much your perception or reality. I feel very liberated. We can talk more. I also discovered the trigger to this sudden extreme feeling of 'caged bird'. Thank you for hearing me and seeing me 💓 🤗 

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The wanting/longing for a consistent father figure was something I desired but the way my mom spoke regarding my father was toxic, as if he were bad and I made up in my head (silently) that i was bad too. My father was there just not consistently, I felt that he was the only one i could connect with anyway. He was also a huge alcoholic/drug abuser, rageful, racially biased, and a huge narcissist. I still love him, and always will, even if I dont agree with his charactor at times, his perception or his beliefs, in the end I know he went through a lot of trauma that created the one my mom would refer to as the good for nothing selfish piece of shit. Even if you think your careful about expressing your displeasure for either subject, kid are like sponges and they listen even when you think they're distracted. I completely agree that no one needs to stay attached to their parents but its always good to remember that you choose them before coming here, mainly to experience the contrast and hopefully the expansion. I can relate with the traumas that you experienced as well..great talk/very brave❤😊

Much love

Edited by karissa.olson87

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