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Anda Lightworker

If I win the Lottery, I'm giving a huge portion to Teal

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You must be thinking BIG winnings. What if its only ten dollars and you need gas for the car?  (Humor)

If you do win a lottery, I hope you will take your time before you start writing outs checks and talk to a trustworthy accountant if you aren't one already, especially if its a large amount.

I'm not an accountant, but know enough that depending on where you live and what the rules are, there are good ways to move money and there are better ways to move money. 

Take care.

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I was kinda like you IMO i.e. super generous and it makes my feel a little sick in my stomach to read your post. When I was at school I tried to forgive my tormentors as they tormented me because I thought that it wasn't their fault; I figured they had their reasons as too why they are unhappy and taking it out on me. Super unhappy existence BTW. Later I realized that I'm probably an inverted narcissist and I was made to feel selfish in childhood by an extremely selfish and unloving alpha narcissist father. As a result I came to think, putting myself first was wrong. Anyway, what I've been doing is imagining myself as an innocent baby (back in time, not long after I was born) and saying to him "I'm sorry I let others convince me you aren't as worthy of love or happiness as others", "sorry I didn't stick up for you when I should have and that I didn't truly take responsibility for you", "I fucked up. No one else loves you, so I'm going to love you. You are the most important person in this world to me" etc. If you have developed empathy through suffering then you could direct that energy to your baby self. IMO when I was made to think being selfish was wrong I also came to think being selfless is a virtue. But it's only a virtue too others and not too ourselves. I think/hope we can be our own guardian angels. I can say that I matter because I say so. I decide what that baby is worth. IMO there is no other real measure of ones own worth other than from ones own subjectivity.  I think morality, as an ideology, isn't real. I think real morality comes from inside us and it's individual. IMO accepting who we are means never correcting or fighting our own thoughts or feelings with a (false) ideology, that we were taught. I say this because I have tried being selfless and love and light and I got crushed. Now I'm practicing acceptance of myself and fighting for the baby who no one else ever gave two shits about. Tell me why that baby is worth less than any other? Also explain to me why you think your own baby self is worth less than any other? Will you fight for your baby or continue to let others walk all over you... at least that's what I did and it's why your post made me feel ill... it reminded me of how I used to be. Goodluck. God bless.

Edit. Teal helps people because she wants too. You/we don't owe her anything. You might not agree but I'm sure Teal feels this way because, I gather from what she teaches, that she knows that we are only responsible for ourselves and no one else i.e her helping others is up to her. I'm not saying we can't take responsibility for someone in our care but that's personal. Teal isn't our friend, unless you happen know each other personally and are really friends.

Edited by Croc13

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