LuciLuc

How to help my 4-year-old with self-confidence

Recommended Posts

How to help my 4-year-old with self-confidence

Hi everyone,

my 4-years old son is kind, shy, prefers company of adults and it seems to be difficult for him to approach other kids. In the kindergarten school, there are more self-confident boys and if he wants to play with them, he has to do what they tell him, like e.g.be their police dog while they are policemen. He does not like it, but he still stays in the company of these “leaders”. He seems to get on better with girls and girls like him, but then he gets laughed at by the boys, who call him girl. I want to help him understand how to deal with such situations, but I was just like him when I was a kid and, to be honest, I dont know what is the right approach, especially in this age.

Does anyone have similar experience and some advice? 

Thank you.

Luci

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/22/2018 at 2:04 PM, LuciLuc said:

How to help my 4-year-old with self-confidence

Hi everyone,

my 4-years old son is kind, shy, prefers company of adults and it seems to be difficult for him to approach other kids. In the kindergarten school, there are more self-confident boys and if he wants to play with them, he has to do what they tell him, like e.g.be their police dog while they are policemen. He does not like it, but he still stays in the company of these “leaders”. He seems to get on better with girls and girls like him, but then he gets laughed at by the boys, who call him girl. I want to help him understand how to deal with such situations, but I was just like him when I was a kid and, to be honest, I dont know what is the right approach, especially in this age.

Does anyone have similar experience and some advice? 

Thank you.

Luci

Sounds like high IQ to me. Does he have areas of interest where he can meet other children outside the school setting? School culture is not for everyone.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

LuciLuc, great that you notice this early! 

What does your son has that other boys don't?

It maybe hard to tell at 4 years old... so perhaps a SUPER MEGA TOY that everyone only dreams of is a good start. It is very hard for boys to resist to touch cool toys. Your son will have friends in no time. Other social skills develop as they play together.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When I was growing up, my parents would take the time to find out (four of us, very different personalities)  what our preferences were and ask up but to try different things from time to time.

My sister followed a similar process with my nephew when he was young. She 'pushed' him, a little, to TRY different thing as he got older, but also paid attention and indulged his interest.

Try not to judge him to heavily on your own youth. You may find a different person and someone who reacts differently, maybe even surprisingly so.

Lots of questions to ask yourself. 

Does he prefer playing in groups or like to play alone?

What does he prefer to do in his spare time? Reading? Building things? Drawing?

Being told what to do part MAY be a little troubling. Have you talked to him, gently (make no assumptions), to find out why he played the police dog (Maybe he likes dogs?) Have you talked to the teacher or school about it?

You also said he gets laughed at by the boys who call him girl. Does it bother him, you or both? Why does he get along better with the girls?  Is it that they don't ask him to play the police dog? Are they more respectful to him? For what reason are the other boys really laughing?

You seem to be concerned with him not being a leader. Why?  Does it concern him, you or both? About the try part. If you have questions, talk to him.

One of the most important. How is he performing in school otherwise?

 

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Congratulations you have enmeshed your child. 

 

1. Is there a father around? 

2. Stop violating his boundaries and stop doing things for him. 

3. Stop behaving unpredictably. You child has learned to abandon his boundaries to get connection. I.e being a dog when he doesn’t want to be just to gain connection with peoples 

4. Be honest with your self. Do you feel love ? If so do you feel it for your child ? 

 

If you don’t have a husband. Start looking! 

 

I hope this helps 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Okay... Where to start here...

1st- You don't need a husband (Greg...!) Secondly, We're not going to get a "shiny new toy" to bribe kids to like our kid! (Garnet...!) and third... let's discuss your child, only please. What does HE want to do? Does he want to play with the boys or does he want to play with the girls or does he not really care, and only you are making a big deal about which way this goes? Boys don't HAVE to play with boys and girls don't HAVE to play with girls... there's no written rule about this. If he's getting made fun of and this concerns you, then you need to teach him how to take care of "bullies", which is a good lesson to teach all children. If he's playing with anyone and they are forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do, then you need to teach him how to be vocal about this. We as a society have (for some reason) taught our children for decades to "play nice" instead of speaking up for themselves. I think this is mostly because we don't want them to speak up to us, but we should be teaching them the proper way to speak their minds. When we punish them for saying that they don't want to do something that makes them feel belittled (i.e.-crawling on the floor like a dog!), when or if something really awful happens, they then are afraid to tell us or anyone because they don't want to get in trouble. Communication with our kids starts early! Teach him how to say, "No... I don't want to be the dog, but you can today, and I'll be the cop!" and if the other kids don't like it, then he can walk away and not play with them because it's their loss and not his. He can say this every time, and continuously walk away until they concede. If they make fun of him playing with girls, He's probably pretending to be the husband of one of them! Again... That's their problem and not his! Those boys will soon learn when he has a girlfriend and they don't! Teach him how to deal with bullies and how to communicate when he's being forced to do something he doesn't want to do. Life lesson opportunity right there!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.