Julia-S

How to connect when you keep meeting people who don't want to

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How to connect when you keep meeting people who don't want to

Hello Teal, hello everyone,

I am starting this topic because I am hoping you can help me find an answer to something I have been struggling to understand for quite some time. All my romantic relationships until now have been with people, who were not able to connect or to have a sense of belonging with me. They were not bad people, on the contrary, and I think all of them loved me in their own way. However, all of them were not capable to experience connection (I don't know if only with me or in general) and a sense of belonging to the relationship, they were not able to provide any support and usually how it always finished is that in a moment I needed them they all abandoned me. I believe I am highly empathetic and Teal's processes and teachings have helped me to start understanding deeply our nature, accept it and connect to people. And I am happy to say that I experience connection with people in other contexts (friendships, even professional relations). However, when it comes to romantic love it seems that I always attract people who are not capable to feel or to connect. I believe I have always been there for them when they needed me and always gave them love (they say it too), but they can not do the same for me. So I just don't understand why do I attract always lovers like this? Even if you want to connect with someone, it is not possible if they don't want to engage in the process. I thought it's because there is an aspect of me that needs attention- maybe a lack of a supporting, caring male figure in my childhood - so I did the internal work to reconcile with this aspect of myself and I believe I feel balanced now. However, I still keep meeting only men who can't offer belonging and I just don't understand why. It is important for me to know what is it that makes me manifest this relationships, but I feel I am stuck in my analysis. What could be the reason? What do I need to pay attention to? 

I will be more than happy to hear your thoughts and/or similar experiences.

In advance, thank you all for your support. 

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Hello Julia and welcome to the tribe!

Unfortunately your situation is very common and I find that many people ask a similar question today.

All I can say right now is that relationships are way more complex than LoA.

Maybe other members have more thoughts on this.

Hope you are having a good day,

Garnet

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Find the part in you that doesn’t want to connect and be unconditionally present with it. Why do you not want to connect?

Also ask, what do I want from connecting with someone, what expectations do I have? 

Release the expectations you have for it. 

 

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