Peggy

Parents shames/rejects my emotions. I feel defeated

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Parents shames/rejects my emotions. I feel defeated

TLDR: Dad made joking comment about his work would not want to hire me because I messed up letter asking money by forgetting to include an envelope for them to put it in. Has emotional break down and dad gets mad and goes down stairs and mom gets mad for me continually crying and being upset over the money thing. Probably just overwhelmed with all the stress lately and it all came out. I'm angry and depressed and can't handle myself.

Hi everyone. I have been a teal tribe member since 2012 but have rarely posted much. However, I feel like I have been having mini meltdown after melt down the past few weeks and today was probably the worst of it. Its a combination of being overwhelmed with school and not being able to focus or concentrate on the work, selling stuff on eBay to make a little extra money and having issues receiving payments (solved finally, thank god), and other school obligations.

Today, getting ready to ship a package, I come downstairs to my kitchen to work on it with my mom. My dad just came home and says something jokingly of how his work would never hire me. Now I had given a letter to my dads boss requesting money for a fundraiser my university was doing to go to help homeless people in Philadelphia for a trip.... but apparently I had forgotten to include the money slip for them to send money back in... My dad was joking about them never wanting to hire me part, but I felt like a complete failure and so stupid and embarrassed and made myself look bad. I started crying and had to go to my room to calm down and I looked to see where I might have put the slip. I overheard my parents talking and my mom told my dad what he said upset me. I come back down still in tears and frustrated because I can't stop the tears running down my face. My dad had went downstairs and my mom explains that my dad was joking and was just being him. And I KNOW that, I just couldn't stop the tears. And I was so angry and frustrated. After a while my mom says I need to stop or something like that and I say I can't help how I feel.  I mean fucking how!???!!! I called her out on that and that she was shaming how I feel and she denies it. She was saying that I was bringing the whole house down and that maybe I should go to bed and then I feel like I lost it. I said, "I just said I was going to go take a bath to feel better and know you're still bringing me down"... or something like that. She leaves and comes back a couple minutes later. At this point my breathing is strangled and the tears keep rushing back. I thought she would apologize but she just puts on a peace/nice attitude and says she found the other pair of new shoes that I could sell on eBay... I thank her and she leaves but I was even more mad after that because she was pretending like she didn't just dismiss my feelings a little earlier... and I guess I was too, but I was too exhausted to do anything.

I just feel so depressed and defeated and I'm starting to cry again. I think all the stress just built up and what my dad said just overwhelmed me and it all came out and I couldn't stop it. I don't know what to do. I wanted to get school work done today but after my bath and that little fiasco, I just have no motivation or energy to do it. And if I just let myself go to bed now I will stress myself out even more with having more work to do tomorrow and the next few days. 

What do you guys think? Are you seeing anything I'm not? I don't know how to handle myself. 

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