A Blured Existence

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A Blured Existence

One of the single most important and most difficult challenges in my life is once I finally stop to think about my dreams for life....legitimate goals that I actually want and care about....absolutely nothing comes to mind.

Of all the fakest fantasyland daydreams I've had for my future, not a single one of those are a sincere desire...nothing I actually want and have a drive to accomplish. Which brings me to the question: Am I just existing to think, or is the something actually important for me in life? 

With that said my life is very interesting to say the least. I'm currently stil hanging on the edge of a life I don't even recognize anymore. I've been dealing with allot of deficiencies that have made my life very difficult including ASPD, Bipolar type skitzo-effective and severe manic depression, which commonly comes out as anger, and to top off the list I also struggle with Aspergers syndrome.

I by no means give a sob story but I honestly don't understand why as a human being I should sit around and suffer to...what no end? 

It's been to my experience with people that most people have these authentic dreams and goals for life that they pursue....why not I? Why does my life end up to be an open-ended question? Why even continue, if there's no course of direction?

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I see you and hear you. I too have real bad anger issues, it mainly stems from my mother not accepting the emotion, and my ability to suppress it effortlessly (in my mind). Not sure if you have a solid relationship with your parents or not? I however never did. 

Your existence matters, I know it does. Please if you ever want to talk please feel free to message me whenever.

Each human on earth has a contract;  and I know the overwhelming feeling all too well that if that is the case than why do we go through so much suffering? Why would we permit such a thing? 

In my belief I really don't feel like we fully conceptualize as spirits the emotional hardships and how they can severely impact our course. Teal is providing a lot of answers at overcoming these barriers that are internally set up to protect us, but in actuality it is hurting us. 

I hope this helps..


Much love

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