CLyberg89

Relationships with co workers

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Relationships with co workers

Back story. I have been working on my mental reconditioning of self which is influenced by upbringing, society,  and fear. I have been working on my spirit and mind for the past 3 years with diligence. I have made a lot of progress and I know I have resistance in some areas but the most frustrating thing with me right now is my work life. I am a server at red lobster and going to college. After becoming more self aware and becoming more centered towards who I really am with out outside influence, I find myself getting in more conflict with others at work. I see more ego oriented responses or actions. They are more pronounced now that I’m aware and try to minimize my ego.( lack of words) or maximize true self. Every one is constantly trying to maintain rightness and feed their ego. That’s what I seeoften. I have gained a lot of acceptance in this since maybe 3 months  ago but I have a conflict with many men at work. It’s usually only ego oriented men. I think it has to do with my height (6 ft5) and I also believe it’s a vibration that I give out around them that triggers their ego because In the back of my mind, I fear that these men will reject me or try to create conflict with me. It is a real problem with one big guy I work with in particular but not with every man that o work with.i Try to be nice and not deliberately mean to everyone. But he almost goes out of his way to find conflict with me and I get angry because it is like there is no control over it. It just manifests. We almost get into physical altercations over the conflict. I feel like it’s his insecurities coming out along with his complete unconsciousness for that particular aspect of him. Being a server(waiter) brings out a different character In everyone and emotions are usually on high in all fashions.(it seems) because you have to be extraverted at all times. Intense interactions and often with others. Someone help. Give me guidance. Teal help me! I love you. I been following teal for 2 or 3 years now. 

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I have never been a waiter but I’m tall too. (I’m about 6’8”).   

Seems to me that everyone should be able to achieve “respectful coworker”.  You can set your mind and let your subconscious work on what “respectful coworker” means.  And you observe your own behaviour and make sure that you stay in respectful coworker.  If someone else comes back as harsh or whatever, you have the right to ask to be treated professionally.

 State your needs authentically, or otherwise you may attempt to get your needs filled other subconscious ways.  Your needs may come out passive-aggresively or just plain aggressively. 

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Thanks Scot! Turns out he may be getting fired and my growth will not be stretched in this area until the next time this problem arises! Just kidding though. I guess he has been upsetting a lot of coworkers and my feelings were rational about the situation. I was beginning to wonder if I was just being “overly sensitive”. That was great advice about being treated professionally with respect.  

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Unfortunately even stating your needs authentically is not always a guarantee that you'll be treated respectfully, especially in a work environment where some people tend to over use their work position. What you can realistically do is to learn to respond back in a respectful  manner that diffusers the aggressor to practically zero while you still keep your face.

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Going to work and going to school and all the other hours you need for things such as sleeping, eating, etc.. can be demanding. Are you getting enough sleep? That can make it more difficult to harmonize with your ego.

You also painfully use the word "try" a lot.

"Try to minimize my ego"
"Try to be nice and not deliberately mean to everyone"

These are 'outpourings or overflows' that have to do with you.  Yoda (Star Wars) would say "Do or do not. There is no try" I don't think you can 'force' a vibration. It kinda has to flow naturally. It's not an addon. It's a transformation. It can all come down to how you perceive any given situation.

Have you heard the sarcastic phrase "Are you being an &%$#^! or were you born that way?" (Not about you  but rather your antagonist). You're not the only one who experiences this. I kinda believe its more common that you think. Its cause is a complex combination of factors that you or I have no control over. Where you do have power and control of is in your actions and deeds. Keep that up front. No one is going to make you angry, you'll decide that.

You also mention fear.

"I fear that these men will reject me or try to create conflict with me...."

Are you imagining the worst case situation. What is it? 7 billion people on the planet and you worry about a few people at work. I can understand not wanting conflict, especially if you're not reasonably certain about the outcome. Work on that fear. Where is it coming from. What are the outcomes that bother you the most and dissect them. Are the outcomes you fear really that bad or just difficult (temporary setback)? Is part of fear based on pressures of work and/or school? Are you having a difficult time at school?

If you can dissect and figure out where some of the tensions are coming from, you might find some solutions or enough clarity for you to come up with a game plan.

 

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I guess it is hard to explain the dynamics of a corporate  restaurant behind the scenes. You cannot be yourself. You must develop an outgoing expression of yourself which is not authentic. You may ask “why not authentic?” Well because you have gluttonous people coming in eating shrimp till the end of time... hours...... and must still get them more shrimp and you know they won’t tip much. You can’t respond authentically to the way you are treated from other guests. You have those same people trying to pretend that they aren’t stock piling shrimp in their purse or underneath their napkin so they can take it home. Also, you have others that sometimes do not tip and  that act unreasonably, asking for a manager which could always result in you getting in trouble. Also these people tend to be African American from the projects. So along with other dynamics you(or I) must fight back the urge to put them in a stereotypical group and be as non bias as possible. (Racist) though you got “stiffed” by the last black couple that smells like they took a weed bath(and look it). I must also add that we get nice people from the suburbs that tip well at times also. Just in case you’re wondering(why doesn’t he get a different job?) I can make good money. This is off topic but this non authentic outgoing expression that most of the servers have to express is a fragmented self. People are naturally in defense mode, i think. Then you get only a couple people doing side work and making sure the “alley” is stocked enough to get work done when there Are 15 other servers going on the their phone instead of refilling dressings on their free time.(over exaggerating) That is what it feels like though when you are emotionally invested in the moment. Just in case you didn’t take that into consideration.  I’m only saying this to get in detail about “try to be nice”. That is trying. Because I am naturally kind, but you sometimes say things in a condescending manner or aggressively when you desperately need Honey mustard with none in the bottle that someone emptied, with out refilling and you get double sat tables with no time on your hands. This all plays a part in the situation at hand. We all wanna keep our jobs and our egos have big walls that have spikes coming out. It is something that can be worked on and has, but if you are not working on it, you have it glaring at everyone else’s face. You cuss too loud in front of a guest and a guest complains, your job is lost. With all that other stuff still being very apparent. I could find another job but I guess fear plays a part in that. I enjoy most of my co workers and they are familiar, at least until my next endeavor or journey(career wise). Can my ego be relaxed and not get flared  up by these other ego oriented men even with all the symptoms I had mention previously? And how? Thanks BeyondTheRim. You are very insightful. Feel free (anyone) to comment on any subject you relate with the most. 

Edited by CLyberg89

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