fairfairy23

Feeling painfully inadequate - I need your advice

8 posts in this topic

I compare myself to others in my peer-goup way too much and I panic, feel like my world is crashing, like I will die when I can't avoid being around them.. Even when I just think about other people and what they are doing with their lives, I panic. I can't seem to think of any reason why I don't suck completely. I then think that I fail at absolutely everything, even though objectively I don't really...or who knows. It gets so painful that suicide starts sounding good.
I felt this way a hundred times before but never committed suicide or plan on doing it, because I actually enjoy a lot of things when I am not in this state of mind. I believe that growth is possible and that my soul is good enough and that everyone is just doing the best they can at every given moment in time, so there is no need for regret afterwards.
However, when people trigger me (or rather my narcissistic ego-self?), things starts spiralling out of control super quick.
As I said, all I then see is that every other human being is better than me and my life and personality are lacking everything: morals, physical attractiveness, humour, academical achievement, social circle, forgiveness, loving etc.
For the past 3 months I have been working a lot on learning to love myself unconditionally and I try to strip away all the layers of ego in me which just cause harm. I am growing a lot every day but still fall into this horrible emotional trap so easily. In it I feel like a helpless child dying inside.
Its so painful but I can never express it to anyone.I wish I could stop those feelings of shame, guilt, pain and feeling of inadequacy. I usually end up isolating myself to calm down on my own. But how can I stop reacting so immaturely? I wish I could relax and enjoy people's company.

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@fairfairy23 do you love someone? Does someone love you? Forget about others...that one person who makes you feel special will remove all these fears and insecurities

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1 hour ago, fairfairy23 said:

I compare myself to others in my peer-goup way too much and I panic, feel like my world is crashing, like I will die when I can't avoid being around them.. Even when I just think about other people and what they are doing with their lives, I panic. I can't seem to think of any reason why I don't suck completely. I then think that I fail at absolutely everything, even though objectively I don't really...or who knows. It gets so painful that suicide starts sounding good.
I felt this way a hundred times before but never committed suicide or plan on doing it, because I actually enjoy a lot of things when I am not in this state of mind. I believe that growth is possible and that my soul is good enough and that everyone is just doing the best they can at every given moment in time, so there is no need for regret afterwards.
However, when people trigger me (or rather my narcissistic ego-self?), things starts spiralling out of control super quick.
As I said, all I then see is that every other human being is better than me and my life and personality are lacking everything: morals, physical attractiveness, humour, academical achievement, social circle, forgiveness, loving etc.
For the past 3 months I have been working a lot on learning to love myself unconditionally and I try to strip away all the layers of ego in me which just cause harm. I am growing a lot every day but still fall into this horrible emotional trap so easily. In it I feel like a helpless child dying inside.
Its so painful but I can never express it to anyone.I wish I could stop those feelings of shame, guilt, pain and feeling of inadequacy. I usually end up isolating myself to calm down on my own. But how can I stop reacting so immaturely? I wish I could relax and enjoy people's company.

@fairfairy23 It says in the Bible God knows the number of hairs of your head. You are so unique you will never be able to compare yourself with someone because comparison between two things only happens if they  bear similarities. Cambridge dictionary defines the word 'compare' as follows

'To judge, suggest or consider that something is similar or of equal quality to something else'.  Clearly you are so unique and beyond comprehension because you are so good and you cannot compare yourself to anyone.

Psalmist says : 'For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them'.

This too shall pass your time has already come that is why you are conscious of your behavior. Don't hate yourself work with it. Look at the goodness in you skills, talents and good virtues. It might take time but remind yourself that you are so unique and you exist in this reality as this body and mind only once. This is it and that is how wonderful you are. 

Edited by Teena
'if they bear similarities'

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@Teena i think someone should work on her. If god knows how many hairs she has on all the parts....i might be able to help her. Because i like hairs 

But @fairfairy23 ego is bad...please dont be static and start flowing...at least we can find one person who is interested genuinely in us. Outside attributes doesnt matter that much...how good you are in bed and in love matters, to feel complete!

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3 minutes ago, Amit said:

i think someone should work on her. If god knows how many hairs she has on all the parts....i might be able to help her. Because i like hairs

@Amit Please don't take the literal meaning. It means God knows you because you are him. Ah Amit >:(

I should report you to your wife :D 

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You have joined the right type of community.

Start posting things and I will get in an argument with you. I'll make it look real enough. Everyone will see the argument and then talk to you to make sure I, you, and everyone knows you are actually more deserving, more attractive, and more lovable than I am.

Sound good?

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4 hours ago, fairfairy23 said:

I wish I could relax and enjoy people's company

I can say from experience that if beings dislike their own company you would feel it too and even when you feel awesome yourself it could be that others (especially groups) want to be or follow a certain way of being, acting and so on are mismatching how you want to be.

When this is the case, finding individuals or groups that fit your way you want to be is critical. Any other setting would diminish your happiness within that group or relationship.

So self improvement and emotional integrations for these triggers I would recommend. The more whole you are the better you feel in general and the more positives felt experience you attract.

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