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Scot

Connection - too far too fast

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Connection - too far too fast

I want my soul to be open and feel deep connection.  And at times, it seems that I have done exactly that but I took it too far too fast.  So I feel like I can speak with some experience and I have to give you a few warnings.

- It seems to me that you can really only have one best friend.  If you are sharing deeply with one person and sharing your thoughts about other people then you are creating secrets.  For me, it seems that I can share deeply with a few people.

- if you find someone who is willing and able to be as open and undefended as you are, you will connect deeply.  Letting someone new into your depths requires vulnerability.  Opening up might trigger a fight or flight response and that means adrenaline.  It is possible to get addicted to that adrenaline rush.  If your openness gets accepted and the other person shares a similar story then I have read you can get dopamine released into your system.  Cocaine works on the dopamine system too.  Intimacy (deep sharing) could work like cocaine. You can literally get addicted to intimacy and the dopamine. (I have never had cocaine so I can’t confirm that intimacy is a high like cocaine but I personally have become addicted to intimacy.)   

Playing with intimacy is like playing with Fire. It’s easy to get burned.  It’s easy to become obsessed, needy, fixated.  If I am right about all this (and I’m pretty sure I am) then intimacy is a drug and addictive people can go crazy trying to get their next fix.  (The song “A Wicked Game”  by Chris Isaak seems to be all about this.  At least, that is what I hear in it: “World was on fire. No one could save me but you.  Strange what desire can make foolish people do.”)

Now that does not mean to avoid intimacy?  Not at all.  But save your deepest stories for the people who have built up trust. It is good to have a number of really close friends but you probably can have only one best friend. I think intimacy needs to build slowly otherwise it is playing with fire. 

Edited by Scot
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