Kikipocodot

How to allow myself to genuinely feel?

7 posts in this topic

I feel like I'm driven by fear in my life. I fear not being happy, not being safe, not doing what will lead me to where I want to be, etc. I watched teal's video about how to deal with the feeling process, but because of my fear of messing it up or not doing it in a way that will bring me satisfaction, I try to make myself feel a certain way. I have an idea in my head of how this experience is supposed to go, and when it doesn't go as I thought it would then I try to force myself to feel or think differently to achieve the end goal. It's like I can't just surrender to my feelings like how I want to. And I want to surrender to them so I can feel at peace but I'm afraid to do it wrong. It seems like I have a huge attachment to happiness which leads me to want to do things perfectly, and I know that that is something teal advised to let go but I'm not sure how. I would really like to though. But even in that process I would try forcing myself to feel the "right way" in order to let go of that attachment. Overall I would just like to end the emotional suffering that I feel but I can't.

Something else that may contribute to this is that I don't trust myself to do it the right way. I always watch videos on how to deal with my emotions even though I know it probably won't help in that moment. I try to deal with how I'm feeling then get frustrated that it's not going the right way and then I'll spend the rest of my time on entertainment or food because I'm unsatisfied and have nothing else to do. Maybe I can figure out why I don't trust myself... but anyways, I just wanted to share that with you all and if you have advice that would be great. It's nice to be able to talk about this. Thanks guys.

Edited by Kikipocodot

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Kiki! Hacking accounts isn't the answer! Jk

I like this video by Jim Kitsmiller. It could be a good practice for you to start with since it's guided, to just observe and feel feelings or inner sensations or whatever you want to call it.

I think I can hear a microwave in the background.

There's nothing to mess up, nothing to get wrong. It's just simple observation and you'll probably lose focus now and again like we all do. If there's a faint emotion, observe that. If there is numbness observe it. Observe sensations. I don't want to give you too many ideas going in, it's real basic. Start with this and see what you can get from it.

 
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1 hour ago, Kikipocodot said:

I feel like I'm driven by fear in my life. I fear not being happy, not being safe, not doing what will lead me to where I want to be, etc. I watched teal's video about how to deal with the feeling process, but because of my fear of messing it up or not doing it in a way that will bring me satisfaction, I try to make myself feel a certain way. I have an idea in my head of how this experience is supposed to go, and when it doesn't go as I thought it would then I try to force myself to feel or think differently to achieve the end goal. It's like I can't just surrender to my feelings like how I want to. And I want to surrender to them so I can feel at peace but I'm afraid to do it wrong. It seems like I have a huge attachment to happiness which leads me to want to do things perfectly, and I know that that is something teal advised to let go but I'm not sure how. I would really like to though. But even in that process I would try forcing myself to feel the "right way" in order to let go of that attachment. Overall I would just like to end the emotional suffering that I feel but I can't.

Something else that may contribute to this is that I don't trust myself to do it the right way. I always watch videos on how to deal with my emotions even though I know it probably won't help in that moment. I try to deal with how I'm feeling then get frustrated that it's not going the right way and then I'll spend the rest of my time on entertainment or food because I'm unsatisfied and have nothing else to do. Maybe I can figure out why I don't trust myself... but anyways, I just wanted to share that with you all and if you have advice that would be great. It's nice to be able to talk about this. Thanks guys.

 

Feeling is like breathing it's a natural thing. If we try to alter it, it causes us pain. Imagine trying to force yourself to breathe in an unnatural way because you are worried you're breathing the wrong way. You wouldn't do that, you just let your body do the breathing for you. You don't need to alter your natural rhythm of breathing. Feelings are your emotional body's way of breathing, they don't need to be altered.

There's no such thing as a wrong feeling, there are only wrong reactions, but that's another topic ;). Fear is a legitimate emotion, but it sounds like there's a fear of failure that's resulting in failure which feeds back into the fear, there's a cycle here. Stop the cycle at the feeling level. To do that pick a fear you have and sit with it, find its origin and disprove it. So for example you may have the fear of failure, to overcome this, you have to find evidence to contrary. Think of times you succeeded and when that fear arises bring up the evidence against it.

Surrender is a bad way to look at it, the goal isn't to roll over and play dead to your feelings. You want to empower yourself to allow your feelings to flow naturally. Surrender implies defeat, you don't want defeat, you want victory! :) As far as self trust goes, if you don't trust yourself you can't trust your mistrust of yourself. Teal did a video called "how to change a belief" I would highly recommend it for you. 

 

 

 

 

 

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First, continuously develop the ability to discern between reality and unreality.

Then, detach yourself from unreality and attach yourself to reality.

The first step is deceptively difficult.

The second is nigh impossible.

 

You can do it though. The universe gave you these faculties, the intellect and the will, for a purpose.

Your mistrust is actually beneficial, it indicates that you honour your will and don't want to attach it willy-nilly. It also speaks to the subtlety of your intellect.

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I know, it is a bit misty. We can start to figure it out I think if we can discern what discernment is.

I would venture that discernment is the primary faculty of the intellect. It is how we can tell black from white, up from down, etc.

Then we're faced with becoming accustomed to telling reality from illusion. What is reality? What is the illusion? Well, even an illusion is an allusion to the real. I know that's foggy too, but it's probably the best clue we have. Reality is the more real.

Have you ever thought about how the material cup in front of me is distinct from my consciousness of it? I never actually experience the cup, only the phenomena that appears in my conscious experience. Which is more real? I don't know...

There's a lot to think about.

I'm tired so I'll break here but prod me again and I'll continue.

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@Adam Yeah something good happened. Whenever I get caught in my thoughts/feelings there's a good moment where I get a little overwhelmed and then I give up. And in that moment there's some clarity. So now, I know that when I'm denying my feelings and experiencing fear upon fear upon fear, it's really good to love myself at that moment. That's my realization. But I still have yet to fully execute that goal. It's hard to be with your emotions; it's scary and painful. But I'm glad I had that moment to reveal what my next step was.

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