Jerry Tyfting

Jerrys parents relationship dynamic

11 posts in this topic

Hello.
(Long read)
I want to share about my parents relationship to each other during my upbringing.

I just want to get it out there and hey if someone reads it...awesome.

So much self reflection takes place when you live alone the majority of the time, like i got the time and very few hobbies so yea.

Anyway what i wanted to share was how my parents were. As i can get from them my mom feels so un-satisfied and have been for years. My dad on the other side is over dependent on my mom in an emotional way.

This have also been going on for years. Like sometimes dad is in tuned with my moms wants and feelings more than his own. There is also a very deep hurt, sadness and anger that goes on which non of them wants to healthily sort out.
These things they projected to each other at times. Heck i think if my senses are correct that my mom hates being in a relationship with my dad, i mean a deep un-satisfaction do does that.
Dad have escaped into his mind, he almost lives there and thus he can barely feel emotions in others or himself, it does however make him fiercely intelligent.
Mom however can read others though she does this without much interest in her capacity.
It is an openness of hers that she cannot turn off, it makes her able to perceive things most beings around her cant. It is such a contrast and polarity between my parents...my older brother is a polarity to me as well.

It is what is naturally gonna happen as you get kids from a polarity/contrasting based relationship. When mom is barely if interested at all in my dad then the relationship ought to have ended already.

Because of dads attachment and dependent side though and my moms openness and kindness she might feel a wanting to help him even if it means feeling un-satisfied or even hurt by it.

Both of them are braking boundaries daily by simply being near each other, they don't know any other way of being or living though. They aren't even interested in pursuing anything healthier currently.

They have been stuck in a hurtful loop like this for what i can guess over 30 years, probably longer. Since they had this relationship with themselves the kids they got...well no freaking way were they able to genuinely love anything while they are still struggling with themselves and with each other.

Like even during sex, imagen emotionally mom wasn't genuinely interested in dad but she still wanted kids and dad of course just wanted to make her happy but might not have much interest in himself or the kids.

Which i feel now...a lack of interest at times that I'm practicing almost every day. To have an interest in myself. No wonder i feel so angry at others, i have barely had any other experience than a close relationship where they didn't emotionally want to be together.
This is a weird subconscious turn on for me actually...if my partner flat out did not want to... -.-'
Well it is familiar with me and my guess is that is what "home" feels like to me...very emotional boundary braking abuse.

This i want to practice changing into something softer and healthier, which i do everyday but there are a lot...A lot of things to sort through. I'm in the right path though, Teals emotional integration process have helped me immensely.

Thank you for reading...weird stop like this but i feel like stopping here.

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4 minutes ago, elegamtiarum said:

Do your parents fight? Or are they comfortable?

physical fights no.
They have their arguments but so much of the time there is a sense of disagreement or unresolved things between them which they simply agree there is a disagree and move on. There is an immense emotional uncomfort no matter how physically comfortable they might look. They have no conscious wish to be any other way than this as far as I know.

Emotional fights does take place but they either give in or justify what is happening and accept that this is how things are with no interest in changing or improving the situation...consciously at least.

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14 hours ago, Jerry Tyfting said:

Hello.
(Long read)
I want to share about my parents relationship to each other during my upbringing.

I just want to get it out there and hey if someone reads it...awesome.

So much self reflection takes place when you live alone the majority of the time, like i got the time and very few hobbies so yea.

Anyway what i wanted to share was how my parents were. As i can get from them my mom feels so un-satisfied and have been for years. My dad on the other side is over dependent on my mom in an emotional way.

This have also been going on for years. Like sometimes dad is in tuned with my moms wants and feelings more than his own. There is also a very deep hurt, sadness and anger that goes on which non of them wants to healthily sort out.
These things they projected to each other at times. Heck i think if my senses are correct that my mom hates being in a relationship with my dad, i mean a deep un-satisfaction do does that.
Dad have escaped into his mind, he almost lives there and thus he can barely feel emotions in others or himself, it does however make him fiercely intelligent.
Mom however can read others though she does this without much interest in her capacity.
It is an openness of hers that she cannot turn off, it makes her able to perceive things most beings around her cant. It is such a contrast and polarity between my parents...my older brother is a polarity to me as well.

It is what is naturally gonna happen as you get kids from a polarity/contrasting based relationship. When mom is barely if interested at all in my dad then the relationship ought to have ended already.

Because of dads attachment and dependent side though and my moms openness and kindness she might feel a wanting to help him even if it means feeling un-satisfied or even hurt by it.

Both of them are braking boundaries daily by simply being near each other, they don't know any other way of being or living though. They aren't even interested in pursuing anything healthier currently.

They have been stuck in a hurtful loop like this for what i can guess over 30 years, probably longer. Since they had this relationship with themselves the kids they got...well no freaking way were they able to genuinely love anything while they are still struggling with themselves and with each other.

Like even during sex, imagen emotionally mom wasn't genuinely interested in dad but she still wanted kids and dad of course just wanted to make her happy but might not have much interest in himself or the kids.

Which i feel now...a lack of interest at times that I'm practicing almost every day. To have an interest in myself. No wonder i feel so angry at others, i have barely had any other experience than a close relationship where they didn't emotionally want to be together.
This is a weird subconscious turn on for me actually...if my partner flat out did not want to... -.-'
Well it is familiar with me and my guess is that is what "home" feels like to me...very emotional boundary braking abuse.

This i want to practice changing into something softer and healthier, which i do everyday but there are a lot...A lot of things to sort through. I'm in the right path though, Teals emotional integration process have helped me immensely.

Thank you for reading...weird stop like this but i feel like stopping here.

Oh OK yeah my parents she the same sometimes and other family member and I try to give clarity, but, it's dismissed so I just think when they are ready they will see. Annoying as I feel the disturbance as well but they are on there own path

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1 minute ago, elegamtiarum said:

Annoying as I feel the disturbance as well but they are on there own path

I relate so much with this. Yea when someone has chosen how to live their lives and parents who might have chosen that path so many years before you were born even, it can be very difficult to just "flip a switch" on their lives. Children are a test for how parents are and if they are willing to face things, my parents chose to stick with their paths even with me and my brother present, as if we did not exist for any other reason than to make my mom feel happy.

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Aww that's beautiful, the mum bit :) on my side I find that I have learnt off it as well so it's not just them to learn the flipping of the switch it's me too, but maybe that's what supposed to happen, maybe I'm supposed to figure it out with them?... Hmmmm

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1 minute ago, elegamtiarum said:

Aww that's beautiful, the mum bit :)

heh to me this feels mixed. One side is that I do want to make beings feel good but at the same time on a deep level she could not give me the same in return. So that relationship were very one-sided.

 

 

4 minutes ago, elegamtiarum said:

maybe I'm supposed to figure it out with them?... Hmmmm

If they are open for this go for it, if not then I recommend distancing from them. No positive outcome comes out of mismatched wants.
Otherwise you could talk with them in a way that they feel comfortable with and still reflect how they are to learn of how you are.

I do this the rare times I do see my parents and it feels very interesting because the more I self improve the clearer I can perceive them. It fascinates me.

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Yes I love learning in clarity and I 100% understand :) but as much as we could be miss matched I love all of them so much, it's hard and it's too draining at times but I believe in them and I can see through the pain, for some reason I'm addicted to helping people lol since the day I popped out haha, I've been in some strange but beautiful places, because of it learning the coin has more then 2 sides :3 marvellous and enchanting, 

 

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