Valdemar

Am i narsist?

32 posts in this topic

1. When my face turns to red. Then, is my core telling me that you are doing something wrong? "U dont have to shame that" 2. Once, i heard that im gay. Im not sure at all am i. Teal tells on one on her video "if u are watching this that means you are a gay or a lesbian" iam trying to admit that thing but im still feeling confused. 3: am i super manipulative narsissist martyr person who is begging some pity ? 

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6 minutes ago, Valdemar said:

1. When my face turns to red. Then, is my core telling me that you are doing something wrong? "U dont have to shame that" 2. Once, i heard that im gay. Im not sure at all am i. Teal tells on one on her video "if u are watching this that means you are a gay or a lesbian" iam trying to admit that thing but im still feeling confused. 3: am i super manipulative narsissist martyr person who is begging some pity ? 

1. Shame is a complex thing. It's mostly learned. Most likely it's a learned response to an action. Ask yourself why you feel shame when you do a certain thing and if that's something you really feel about that action inside, some good basic shadow work to start you off 

2. Teal can't tell you whether you're gay or not, she's never met you. Examine your feelings do you find the same sex attractive only? Or do you find both sexes attractive? Or do you only find the opposite sex attractive? Answer these questions and you will have your answer. No need for any more confusion.

3. probably not, you're probably just in a state of uncertainty.... you're just confused looking for some advice, we can work with that :) 

 

 


 

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Im on festivals and i have a tent. I hear everything that people are speaking and im not sure how that feels.  That speak is against me orly i judge that somehow so i could feel that im "above". Both of those feels bad. I have two sides. Sometimes  marttyr and sometimes narisstist. Im trying to interact with people but in the end, im only speakin about myself. My problems. Its hard to be near people. But i need them. I would not want to take anything from anyone but i feart that just that im doing. I have noticed how people keep some space of me. Is this message a narrsissistic way to get some fuel on my narsisstist sick plan. And this and this and this and so on... Im only covering something. What the hell im supposed to do. I compare people with myself all the time. I hate that. Is it alright or not. Feeling shame after almost every thought. Yesterday i kept telling myself that its okay to think whatever comes. However, i think everyone considered im rotten, somehow. I dont want to be! Me me me me me. 

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I drive away people around me. I have a friend. Very often, when i feel like to want do something fun, i ask this person to come with me but very often he denies that. And i try and try to get him up and moove! Go to swim and climbing etc. But no. Always something is wrong. Am i a narsist who knows somehow those moments when my victim is most vulnerable. Often when he feels bad and pour out everything and everything sucks, i could start singing or something. First of course i listen and answer somehow.Am i protecting myself from that or is he my "doll". Whatever, i always try ti tell him that everything is going to be allright. Sickkk. 

Edited by Valdemar

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My mind says im stupid, narsist, gay and so on.. I cant trust anything or anyone. I feel shame when opening to others. When is it okay. Here on forums i think its not so bad..im begging some pity. I need that. Is it only because i read teal swans energy vampire things and victims need pity. Am i covering my own energy vampirism with this and with everything i do. Wtf.  Sorry.. And thanks

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keep typing. writing down thoughts filters them, because you can't type them all, there has to be a selection, as you can only type one letter at a time. 

it slows down the mind and the rushing of the thoughts one on top of another. you'll notice that slowly, writing offers you more clarity than thinking over what is really here/happening.

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Or could this be empathy. I am an empath. I have a lot of same feelings as my friends have. I have thought this before but denied that in my head every time as everything else that is for me. 

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Thanks ^ . And if i am. I really dont think im gay. Could it be that someone near me is gay. No no. I dont believe.: D my dad once asked me am i gay. 23 years old and no girlfriends. He died last fall. I had many sleeples nights and every sleepless nights, his condition went dramatically down. Lived at the same house.. I have only cried once for real after his death. I dont know why. I would want to but i cant. 

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I fear all the time that something really bad is happening. Someone dies because of me. Was my dads death because of me somehow. Even little. Whos my next victim. My mom. I need to be alone. I tried it. 7 days in lapland ant i can say that was hell. Only negative self talk there.. . 

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Not everyones. Those who i fear. Is that really so. But with them,  i cant speak a word. My cousins and those " cool " guys. Am i little wannabe boy. 

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