kellbelle

Do I have to have a job to feel purpose?

10 posts in this topic

First time poster.

I am a recent college graduate who has been bouncing between "not real" jobs:  fitness instructor, coffee barista, veterinary assistant, teacher's aide for 3 years.  I have two degrees in Business and Wellness, but the jobs related to those areas are either

a. sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours or

b. low-paying, low-hour, highly-physical jobs.  

The coffee shop I was working at recently closed, so I've been out of work for almost 6 months now.  I still teach classes at our community gym, but the pay is horrid and the attendance isn't near what it should be.

My husband makes enough money for us to exist with my minimal income, and I am trying to bring a little being into this world because that it my number one priority currently (over job, over fitness [my passion], over travel, over possessions [house, car, etc.]).  I also know that I don't feel right paying someone else to raise what I allowed into the world, so I will be staying at home with said baby, if I ever do get pregnant.

I try enjoy every day, but there is a looming guilt when I'm out enjoying the beautiful summer mornings and my friends and family are working jobs they hate. (Side note, my husband doesn't hate his job, so he isn't holding that against me.  He actually is proud knowing that I don't have to work a shit job because he makes enough, so he's not [openly] pushing me.)

TLDR:  My question is, do I feel guilty because society expects that I work a full-time job?  Or do I feel guilty because my calling is actually finding a career?

Edited by kellbelle
Title re-wording

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I don't have a job and I feel like I have a purpose. It's actually a good idea to not work so that you can focus on your child. Maybe your purpose is raising your child to be awesome.

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You feel guilty because you've interiorized society's expectations.

Life has handed you a beautiful gift: You are in a position to find out what you really want, and carve your own path, without the financial pressure that forces many people to accept 9-to-6 corporate zombie jobs. If I was you, I would go inside myself, find my passion and purpose, and create my career from there - this is so exciting! But I am me, and currently working at one of those aforementioned office jobs ;)

The thing is, if you take up a job like me, it's not going to make me feel better. Quite the opposite! The same goes for your friends. Just think about it: By finding your passion independently from corporate pressures, you'll inspire them, at the very least. And who knows - maybe you'll end up creating opportunities for them as well!

Keep enjoying your life, and draw your power and purpose from that!

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2 hours ago, kellbelle said:

First time poster.

I am a recent college graduate who has been bouncing between "not real" jobs:  fitness instructor, coffee barista, veterinary assistant, teacher's aide for 3 years.  I have two degrees in Business and Wellness, but the jobs related to those areas are either

a. sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours or

b. low-paying, low-hour, highly-physical jobs.  

The coffee shop I was working at recently closed, so I've been out of work for almost 6 months now.  I still teach classes at our community gym, but the pay is horrid and the attendance isn't near what it should be.

My husband makes enough money for us to exist with my minimal income, and I am trying to bring a little being into this world because that it my number one priority currently (over job, over fitness [my passion], over travel, over possessions [house, car, etc.]).  I also know that I don't feel right paying someone else to raise what I allowed into the world, so I will be staying at home with said baby, if I ever do get pregnant.

I try enjoy every day, but there is a looming guilt when I'm out enjoying the beautiful summer mornings and my friends and family are working jobs they hate. (Side note, my husband doesn't hate his job, so he isn't holding that against me.  He actually is proud knowing that I don't have to work a shit job because he makes enough, so he's not [openly] pushing me.)

TLDR:  My question is, do I feel guilty because society expects that I work a full-time job?  Or do I feel guilty because my calling is actually finding a career?

Dont feel guilty at all its perfectly normal.  

You should be happy.  

I would love to work a job but I can't cause I'm too empathetic.  I have to settle for getting told I need a job by everyone which drives me to the point of psychosis and nobody understands this at all so I'm all alone.  

I get around all those people hating their jobs and become all that piled up negative energy.  

Boss would be like "You can't look like that or I'll have to send you home."

I'm like aw man wtf I don't wanna be here anyway I just need the money so I can buy some food then it gets worse lol cause now I'm trying to change my face and I can't because then I'm like man f this shit and I'm ready to walk out ?

I've never felt bad for being who I am...Admittedly I don't feel much anything often besides what other people feel so...

Instead of putting energy into worry just put all that energy into finding your career or creating one.  

You have degrees in business do you know what I would do with that???

I'd start a business ? 

Being your own boss is so much better than working for others.

The best part about your situation is you have a husband who is making enough to give you time to create your business. 

So hop to it enough lollygagging lol 

 

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My wife stays at home, I love her there. She finds her significance in being a homemaker and we too are trying to have a child. It works well for us, she pays the bills and cleans and such while I work, I value her help in this way a very great deal. Allows me to focus on my role as a provider. She's the ultimate support for me.

 

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Ask yourself : what would i do if i didn't have to work for money?

Often when we have to have a job, we don't have opportunities to actually get to know ourselves. I know many people who, after loosing a job , didn't know what to do with themselves.  

I think you have an incredible opportunity to create the life you want by truly discovering yourself and learning to reflect that into the world. It may take you time, but you'll get there :)

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@kellbelle what i have observed is 'the activity that you do even if you are not paid is your passion' include the daydreams and that should be your career.

E.g. if you watch yourself in the mirror most of the time then you should be in beauty or fitness business. If you imagine yourself talking in front of many people and inspiring then you should be a public speaking figure like teacher or minister.

Tell us what do you do most of the time

Edited by Amit
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Thank you so much everyone for your replies.  They're all beautiful and exactly what I needed to hear.  Thank you for your "virtual" support, it really does mean a lot to me. 

In regards to all your replies:

  • Thank you I hope so :) @Atom if I could just conceive now...
  • @Renat I love the whole inspiration aspect, I think that's so important, especially around here where no one really takes risks.  
  • @Yamanu dang, I'd assume you're what the internet describes as an "empath"?  My brother is the same way, can't work with a ton of negative people like that, it just gets to him and he just doesn't show up.
  • @authorofdarkness I hope my husband feels the same way :)  And good luck with your baby making! I was told in high school that if I even got near male genitalia I'd get pregnant...apparently not so much...
  • @Garnet I am so working on it, finding out who I am to help others be who they are.  I am running out of patience though :/
  • @Amit I've heard that before, your time is where your heart is, and I want to believe it!  I just don't know if I'm a good enough example of running to be a coach, spiritual thinker to be a guide, coffee connoisseur to open up a shop, etc.  I would love to help people find their life balance, as that's what I'm constantly trying to do with exercise, nutrition, mental health, spirituality, but I don't know how to give that positivity out. 

I know upon self-examination that if I jump into an "average" job, it would be either out of shame (Self thought I can't believe I'm sitting here at home trying to figure out my purpose here on Earth instead of making money with my 4 year degree, what do people think of me) or fear (Self thought I can't start a business, could I be outgoing, could I get the money, what if I fail, what if I start the wrong type business, what if I have a baby and don't even want to have a job outside the home in the first place, better just take an average job). 

I just want to make a difference. But I have no idea how.  I think raising a little enlightened being would be amazing.  I think giving back to the community would be amazing (small business).  Honestly I really think helping other people grow and expand into who they truly want to be would be one of the most awesome routes to go.  But I see all these spiritual teachers and I don't understand how one gets to that level.  More or less how you make a living doing that.

A little addition to this conversation, do you think a spiritual retreat would be worth it?  I've been looking into the Esalen Institute in CA, they have a retreat for 20-somethings like myself who don't know wth to do with their life.  I live in the upper midwest so there isn't a whole lot in my backyard for enlightenment...

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It's natural to feel "survivor's guilt," that you have escaped the awful existence that most people have to endure. Don't feel bad, because we can't save anyone but ourselves, and your child will undoubtedly be a light of goodness, raised in such a loving environment.

Trust your husband to be happy tilling the field for you. I think traditionally, men are best applied as work animals, and women in turn in turn keep the village running smoothly.

I agree with Yamanu, maybe you could use the motivation to start a business of some kind, if you feel like it. There's a lot that can be done these days via "dropshipping" and internet technology.

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20 hours ago, Akurabis said:

It's natural to feel "survivor's guilt," that you have escaped the awful existence that most people have to endure. Don't feel bad, because we can't save anyone but ourselves.

I've never heard that term before, interesting. Thank you. Trying to keep my head up :)

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