KrsRn

Shadow Work and Serious Fear of Abandonment

3 posts in this topic

Hello All,

I am new to this forum but I have been following Teal for a while. I'm feeling like I am stuck and I'm having a hard time getting unstuck.  Long story short when I was 10yro my father died in a car accident one day.  He left for work one day and never came home. Just like that...GONE!  In a good number of my romantic relationship, some of my boyfriends have just cut me off (eventually most came back) but initially I was mortified in each situation.  It was the worst. 

Since my father's death, for example if I am used to routine like every night before I go to bed, I talk to my boyfriend. If he doesn't call around the time that he usually does, I start to worry and I worry something has happened to him.  I don't usually act on those feelings because in my mind I reassure myself that he is okay.  But in my mind, I am going thru it.  This does happen with people I'm not in a relationship with but not as intense with those  I'm involved with.

In my last relationship I was deathly afraid guy was going to leave and I'm sure I probably came off clingy at times.  I probably sent out the vibration of him leaving and he did he just stopped talking to me no reason given.  Anyway, I don't know how to move past my fear of abandonment. I've started doing some shadow work and re-parenting my inner child.  I think Teal  said I should to pull the positives of the situation?  I don't know what those positives of my father dying would be.  I don't know what those positives were.  Life came with a whole lotta s*&t storms  after my dad died.  My mom was there but she was very emotionally abusive, I think she resented me. Anyway, any advice as to what I should do next would be.

Thank you in advance!

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An example of good would be being able to comfort and relate to someone who had a lost a parents early in their life. I think your inner child needs to be shown that you won't abandon it. It needs to be shown that you are there to love and stick with it unconditionally.  Shadow work would be good because your mother didn't help you process the loss in a way that would allow you to move past it. I'd start there and be patient with yourself. :) 

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12 hours ago, KrsRn said:

I think Teal  said I should to pull the positives of the situation?  I don't know what those positives of my father dying would be.  I don't know what those positives were.  Life came with a whole lotta s*&t storms  after my dad died.

first of all, dont rush the steps... yeah life sucked in that period and that needs to be acknowledged. seeing the positive aspects comes AFTER mending the pain you went through. i totally agree with what authorofdarkness wrote, start by feeling the emotions that arise during your day-to-day life at the moment and do the how-to-heal-the-emotional-body process, to find the fractured childhood aspects and comfort them. be truthful though, explain to your child self that your dad is not coming home, but that you are there now to be present with her and listen to her. this is a process that can take quite some time, as you kind of live your life and when something triggers your emotional attention you dive. your emotions have an intelligence and know when and how much is ok.

only if you feel like that aspect of you is ready to find positive aspects of what happened, is it time for that.

from the Jungian psychology side there is one process that came to my mind on reading your post: when loved ones pass away, that hurts so much, because we tend to give them attributes we admire about them and "externalise" them while they are around. so you could ask yourself, what did you admire your dad for? what qualities do you miss most that exited your life on his leaving? because these qualities you have in you too and by acknowledging them, you take your power back and the grieving process can go on, usually to a feeling place of "thank you for having been there". try to write a list of how you embody these qualities. but as i said, dont rush things...

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