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I am going through some experiences I need help understanding and resolving.

When I did Teal's mirror exercise, amongst my ego layers I found an alien layer. Now that I'm aware of it, I noticed how I automatically jump into this layer in specific situations, namely when I'm triggered in specific ways.

One time I thought a desire, and it didn't manifest. I went into panic, jumped into this alien layer and started thinking that I must warn other aliens that the laws of the universe are no longer working. Then the thing did manifest, and I went back to my "usual" self. 

Another situation where I get triggered and jump into my alien layer is when a person (usually someone who lacks empathy) looks at me in a reptilian way - i.e. they look at me but don't see me. 

Overall this alien layer has played a fundamental role in my life. I never felt I belonged anywhere, I always feel like an outsider no matter what group I'm in, and I always feel like there is something people just don't see in me.

I tried to follow the completion process and I experienced the following: I think I went back to my birth (it's all very fuzzy). I feel my mother's excruciating pain, and I feel that she can't wait for it to be over, she just can't take it anymore. The people outside of her simply don't give a damn about me. I feel completely unwanted, both by my mother and by these people. I feel that a huge mistake has been made, that something went completely wrong. From my mother's account indeed my birth experience was very traumatic: her doctor forgot to show up and to mention to the rest of the staff that she couldn't give birth naturally. As a result, after 24 hours of traumatic labor without anaesthesia they took me out with forceps. 

Yet when I try to heal this shadow I'm not able to. It seems that the baby does not want me to be present with the emotion (what usually my inner child wants), but rather wants to warn me about something crucially important. Something that went horribly wrong.

Can anyone help me/give suggestions? Is anyone else here an alien and understands what I'm talking about?

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what is it that your baby-self wants to warn you about? can you think of a way to let it express that important thing to you, maybe by automatic writing with the hand you dont usually write with or something else? when you know what that is that went wrong you have something to work with, maybe a belief you hold that resulted from that experience that triggers it every time manifestation doesnt work like "at home"...

i read once too, that people who have surgery can have imprinted beliefs resulting from the talk the surgeons had during the op, and i can imagine with what you described, the possibility of at least someone saying that something is going terribly wrong during your birth could have been conditioned upon your baby-self back then and it is triggered as part of the birth-trauma you experienced. if that is the case with your experience, i'd suggest working on finding the core belief and changing it (Teal offers videos on these processes).

if when you try to connect with your baby-self you are not sure what to say or do, you could tell you that what happened isnt the baby-self's fault, that whoever might have said that somethings wrong isnt referring to the baby but rather to the circumstance and that you are here to hold it and take care and welcome it and that it survived and will be growing up to be you

and about the alien thing: that is something you can only explore on your own to know what is true for you in particular, but feelings of alienation can result from different traumas like the one you mentioned above, but there could be also more to it. i suggest you try to find infos about starseeds and especially soul forks, soul braids, and walk-ins and feel for yourself where that leads you. follow what feels good and resonant and trust your intuition. for a soul fork for example (the experience i am right now holding) sometimes it can be really irritating to find itself - after a night of travelling home and other realms - amongst these humans and adjust again to that culture of separation...

but overall, there is beauty in humanity, not only separation. try maybe a positive-aspects-journal on your human interactions, maybe that helps, like saying ok, whatever is the truth, lets just pretend being a real alien here on vacation and taking inventory of all that these humans do well :)

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Hi Lilia!

Thanks so much for your reply. I actually finally managed to complete shadow work on this particular trauma. I had so much repressed grief, I literally fell to the floor with seizure-like contractions as I let the pain through! It turns out that the worst part of the trauma was not the terrible birth experience itself, but the fact that I wasn't supposed to be born in a human form. It is too limiting for what I came to do here. It took me a while to go through these emotions and finally find acceptance for my human form and even start to appreciate the advantages of being human.

That's a great suggestion about beliefs being imprinted when people talk during surgery, although I don't think that is possible for a baby, as they don't have the ability to rationalize their experiences yet - they may hear words but not their actual meaning.

Thanks a lot for your suggestions and kind and supportive words: I will look into those topics you mentioned and will definitely try to make the best of my human form! :)


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<3 I'm happy to read that you came closer to full integration!!!

my hope is still, that the felt limitation will shift as we (i just suppose you might experience something similar) grow, integrate, reconnect with the "higher self" to see and embrace the purpose of incarnating as humans and the global awakening/shift in consciousness on Gaia takes place :) it wouldn't have happened to be born here if there was no chance for expansion and exploration of a possibility that might lead to joy...


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