AbsoluteWave

Chronic mental illness.

16 posts in this topic

Somehow with all of these in one person, they have benefited me ALOT but they seem to be what will also cause me to drop dead at about 30 years of age.

I KEEP trying to hope for a better life but there usually is no way for me to take physical action on anything since specially in a world that will not listen and an online world that doesn't seem to see or hear what I put out.   I literally see people as my mirrors.  specially the ones living the life I was aiming for and even having the friends that had also once been mine.

And here I am continuously beating myself up over things.  about the only thing I do so effing well..         I need help.  seriously.  and not by some crazy doctor that will lock me up.  i know all too well the horror stories about asylums/psyche wards and so on...  It's very hard for me to even act like a human being and wish the 5th dimension would come around quicker so my pain would just effing stop.  to me it seems most of it is coming from the collective mind and it's really getting to me.  and looking to the mind with teal, Ralph and many others.. i can see in many people why people are acting in such a way but I cannot do anything at all.. nothing.  because from their perspective.. they don't recognize me as their mirror or somebody who's there to help you.... who's interested and so on...

Perhaps my work will only start when all the walls of the old paradigm start to fall and  stuff like that.

Edited by AbsoluteWave

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Wave, please wait for some time...time is changing. What you are going through...evry1 is. Can you believe that? Me too. Just let this day pass. Please do some breathing exercise or just go for a walk immediately. Planets are sometimes not having good combinations, aspects. By august i am hoping things will start moving. And from october we will get direction. Talk to your partner asap about how u feel. Go to a pub get drunk....just pass this day

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Wave, please wait for some time...time is changing. What you are going through...evry1 is. Can you believe that? Me too. Just let this day pass. Please do some breathing exercise or just go for a walk immediately. Planets are sometimes not having good combinations, aspects. By august i am hoping things will start moving. And from october we will get direction. Talk to your partner asap about how u feel. Go to a pub get drunk....just pass this day

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On 28/06/2016 at 9:52 AM, AbsoluteWave said:

I KEEP trying to hope for a better life but there usually is no way for me to take physical action on anything since specially in a world that will not listen and an online world that doesn't seem to see or hear what I put out.

life gets better by being lived.

not just in space, time and circumstances - those are more like details of life- but in depth. going from barely living to fully living. 

the measure of vibrancy in the world around you is the measure of vibrancy in you. 

your eyes give beauty to life, your heart fills it.

you see people as mirrors, so where do you think is the beauty of life?

let it flow out. with no holding back.

is all grace and it ripples and waves outwards from you and reflects back.

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12 minutes ago, mufhry said:

life gets better by being lived.

not just in space, time and circumstances - those are more like details of life- but in depth. going from barely living to fully living. 

the measure of vibrancy in the world around you is the measure of vibrancy in you. 

your eyes give beauty to life, your heart fills it.

you see people as mirrors, so where do you think is the beauty of life?

let it flow out. with no holding back.

is all grace and it ripples and waves outwards from you and reflects back.

I do this all the time.  seeing the beauty in everything but also seeing the value of even the tiniest things.
Even when some others think said thing is nonsense or whatever else~  Don't worry.. I go up and down like Teal.. xD

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On 2016-07-01 at 6:42 AM, Krystine said:

how would you define your mental illness?

Whether or not I show you my doctors diagnosis.  I have Non verbal disorder, Autism, Aspergers.

Edited by AbsoluteWave

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On 2016-06-28 at 4:36 PM, Amit said:

Wave, please wait for some time...time is changing. What you are going through...evry1 is. Can you believe that? Me too. Just let this day pass. Please do some breathing exercise or just go for a walk immediately. Planets are sometimes not having good combinations, aspects. By august i am hoping things will start moving. And from october we will get direction. Talk to your partner asap about how u feel. Go to a pub get drunk....just pass this day

I do talk to him!  and he's awakening slowly too and it's neat to watch!  But sometimes he reverts a little, but as I said before in other conversations in other topics.   I've already experience strange visions within this whole month.  one of which was very profound and i could feel and see that my garden will become a place of sanctuary, a cone of high vibration.  full of peace, wonder and so on.  And before this, I was thinking about how it'd be just that.  And it's going to be the one place we both work on together to transform it after this home gets reconstructed and so on.  =3  It's already full of life and wonder, all sorts of flowers, and varieties of birds coming in daily.  a few cats here and there that keep coming back to hag around.  Many times i keep getting reminded in some way about that fateful day/week will be the moment he will be able to finally stiop his job and we can really start.  I'd love to go to a bar and do that sort of thing~  But i'm not really like a normal person, and that's a GREAT thing but not in the sense where knowingly or not.. behave like other people.. with that extra layer which is where somebodies personality comes into play.  Perhaps they know themselves moreso than I.. which is why they can reply quite quickly, take on the task at hand sort of thing.... my personality is rather.. stunted.. hah...

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18 minutes ago, AbsoluteWave said:

I go up and down like Teal.

that's why you feel the abruptness of the ups and downs. 

the highest frequency is stillness. when the ups and downs are so free and thus, they happen so very fast, that the movement becomes stillness.

it's not going up and down anymore, is being  the whole spectrum at once. 

there's nothing to be done to be that, is a matter of allowing it to happen.

not resisting the natural flow, not pushing against it, not trying to rush it.

 

Edit: teal has to dwell in the ups and downs when she's reaching them so she can talk about them. her life is part of her teaching. is like she'd hold a class and at some point freeze an image on a screen to analyse it and describe it to the audience.

Edited by mufhry

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5 minutes ago, mufhry said:

that's why you feel the abruptness of the ups and downs. 

the highest frequency is stillness. when the ups and downs are so free and thus, they happen so very fast, that the movement becomes stillness.

it's not going up and down anymore, is being  the whole spectrum at once. 

there's nothing to be done to be that, is a matter of allowing it to happen.

not resisting the natural flow, not pushing against it, not trying to rush it.

 

 

Exactly right!  I just do my do and that's about it!  lol

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8 hours ago, AbsoluteWave said:

Whether or not I show you my doctors diagnosis.  I have Non verbal disorder, Autusm, Aspergers.

im really sorry im tired right now so i dont feel like i understood much of the thread in general, but i have a friend with the same diagnosis, and for him it was creating art that made him enjoy life more. taking photographs at night (really nice shots of city-landscapes...) or once he started coming to me and my friend for art therapy (yeah these guys who dont get taken seriously by said psych-ward treadmill), he said that felt really good to him. maybe you can find some sort of expression you feel comfortable with to bridge the gap for now? not to reach someone with the message primarily but to just find a channel for expression, just for you... you sound to me in the first post like youre holding back a lot inside

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13 hours ago, Lilia said:

i'm really sorry, I'm tired right now so i don't feel like i understood much of the thread in general, but i have a friend with the same diagnosis, and for him it was creating art that made him enjoy life more. taking photographs at night (really nice shots of city-landscapes...) or once he started coming to me and my friend for art therapy (yeah these guys who don't get taken seriously by said psych-ward treadmill), he said that felt really good to him. maybe you can find some sort of expression you feel comfortable with to bridge the gap for now? not to reach someone with the message primarily but to just find a channel for expression, just for you... you sound to me in the first post like you're holding back a lot inside.

I can agree on the note that I am holding back.. I'm not doing it on purpose.. and let's say i don't have much room to spread my wings, to be perfectly honest with you.

I AM an artist but That title doesn't suit me since I'm rather raw in my talents, so If I can find somebody through this avenue, i'd love to get some help unlocking.. all this lock down is mainly second nature and it's to the point where I cannot stop it from happening unless something big changes..  sometimes i get a big idea but i lack alot of the prerequisite know-how.. xD Lol  I am doing the best i can and lately I have had many breakthroughs in expanding on old and big stories and plans.  plans such as for inventions, game, sequels, and so on.  I'm doing my best with what i have ad simply enjoy what i do so it's also better than not doing anything at all.  i have an on going project i am working on so maybe one day i can showcase them a little more professionally and revamp my DeviantART page .  I alreay have a great friend who is an amazing artist and when he has more time, i will nab him and have him help me with making my DA awesome and so on.   He and I are very close~!

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3 hours ago, AbsoluteWave said:

I can agree on the note that I am holding back.. I'm not doing it on purpose.. and let's say i don't have much room to spread my wings, to be perfectly honest with you.

I AM an artist but That title doesn't suit me since I'm rather raw in my talents, so If I can find somebody through this avenue, i'd love to get some help unlocking.. all this lock down is mainly second nature and it's to the point where I cannot stop it from happening unless something big changes..  sometimes i get a big idea but i lack alot of the prerequisite know-how.. xD Lol  I am doing the best i can and lately I have had many breakthroughs in expanding on old and big stories and plans.  plans such as for inventions, game, sequels, and so on.  I'm doing my best with what i have ad simply enjoy what i do so it's also better than not doing anything at all.  i have an on going project i am working on so maybe one day i can showcase them a little more professionally and revamp my DeviantART page .  I alreay have a great friend who is an amazing artist and when he has more time, i will nab him and have him help me with making my DA awesome and so on.   He and I are very close~!

oh i know that feeling, that the wings dont have enough room... sometimes its just the little bit of extra air that make the difference, the little bit of extra stretch and pushing against the containment to widen it... im sure you can do it! one day at a time, if it is only millimeter by millimeter, its something!

everyone is an artist. if only in the sense that life is the canvas... from that point of view, yeah the title DOES suit you, and even more for all the "real" art you do. there are people considered being artists, who take a canvas the size of a wall and just drop waterballoon-colour-bombs on it, so tell me about raw talents... the thing is, they do it and dont stop... if you get a big idea, try it, dont discard it if it doesnt seem elaborate right away but just let your hands flow and surprise yourself what outcome will smile at you in the end... and your style will become more distinct the more you try out.

you seem to be such an inspired and inspiring being, please dont let circumstances cage you for too long ;)

ps id love to see your DA page ;)

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14 minutes ago, Lilia said:

oh i know that feeling, that the wings dont have enough room... sometimes its just the little bit of extra air that make the difference, the little bit of extra stretch and pushing against the containment to widen it... im sure you can do it! one day at a time, if it is only millimeter by millimeter, its something!

everyone is an artist. if only in the sense that life is the canvas... from that point of view, yeah the title DOES suit you, and even more for all the "real" art you do. there are people considered being artists, who take a canvas the size of a wall and just drop waterballoon-colour-bombs on it, so tell me about raw talents... the thing is, they do it and dont stop... if you get a big idea, try it, dont discard it if it doesnt seem elaborate right away but just let your hands flow and surprise yourself what outcome will smile at you in the end... and your style will become more distinct the more you try out.

you seem to be such an inspired and inspiring being, please dont let circumstances cage you for too long ;)

ps id love to see your DA page ;)

Thank you for all of this!  The past few days have been one big recognition after the other.  many ahah moments as well!

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2 hours ago, AbsoluteWave said:

Thank you for all of this!  The past few days have been one big recognition after the other.  many ahah moments as well!

youre welcome, dear! <3

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