Fear of harming others with my manifestations

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Hi everyone 
First of all i want you to know that english is not my mother language. Because of this im sorry for the tons of errors that this post will have but i have faith that you will be able to understand

Im having trouble with a very special belief of mine which is that if i got or do or become what i like people will be harmed emotionally. i know how beliefs work and i know that this is obviously a limiting and not useful (and in a more deep way protecting)  belief. I have been able to deal with other limiting beliefs on the past but for some reason i cant change this one. i cant manifest anything from this position because if i manifest something i actually may harm someone with my manifestation. i believe that if i change this belief first and then manifest i can skip the "harming someone" part . so im waiting and dealing with this first

Im a 18yo universitary student. I was raised on a kinda discfunctional family that ended up in divorce, not discfuntional to the extreme but with that subtle defects that make all the difference on the development of a young mind. I've been aware of the law of atracction for a long time and since day 1 there is this thing that stop me of focusing and therefore manifesting my desires. When i was like 12-13yo certain events of my life and my mom reaction to those events lead me to think that i was not supposed to feel happy for my successes and should hide them because other kids will feel bad and not want me as a friend because i was more capable of doing things right than the other kids, this was since i´ve started kindergarten. I was a very talented child (writing this disgust me, this is an issue that i have not been able to resolve(Yeah, i know that this is not supposed to make me feel bad but my brain is kinda messed up. I know that some of you can relate)). There is one special day that i remember about this issue. I have one of my best friends, we were classmates since the beggining of our education, i was the smart and he was the dumb, both with a big heart. the thing is that my mom(a loving but insecure woman) was friends with my best friend's mom, and my best friend's mom was kinda jealous of my good grades. so my mom being as insecure as she is told me that i should never show my grades in front of my best friend unless they were bad so my best friend mom could feel good. I was taught to hide a lot of things that i could do better than a lot of kids for similar reasons. I hated this at the start but i got used to it, and as the years passed i started to boycott myself because i felt (and still feel) that being good at something, or having certain kind of privilege will make me a very lonely and unloved person. i was sad, since there was other issues that made me feel unworthy of love and alone, and starting to failing on purpose on other things like physical appearence or social skils or sports because i wanted that the persons that i really cared of would not feel anything other than happy of themselves. The only thing that was left for me to feel even a little good about myself (you got it, i suffer strong low self-esteem issues) were my academical achievements. and even them would make me feel like people would run away from me.

So now we have this nice belief that told us that people get sad or feel bad about themselves when i got something that i like. Great

[End of Background Story]

This cute belief has a little more happy variant
I can have what i want and feel happy about it and people being ok with it or even be happy for me only if i suffer in the process of obtaining what i want

So this is it guys. Some ideas of what can i do to solve this? Anyone can relate or has a similar problem?

*NOTE: Up to this point you may have guessed that my life is stucked, that im desperate, that i feel trapped, and that i have enough contrast to tell that i would prefer to be a dick and get what i want despite of the consecuences (Reducing them as much as possible of course, im not satan), well you guessed very well. So if someone knows a way in which i can stop caring about others around me and go after my desires anyway, let me know. i have been dealing with this issue for so long and im running out of alternatives. And i want to make clear that im not leaving this world without living all the experiences, being all the things, having all the things, and doing all the things that i want. im just trying to make it peacefully, but im ready to wreck havoc if necessary 

From the bottom of a trapped and pure heart Thank you all

And specially Thanks Teal for helping me and everyone 



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