445

confused and isolated

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confused and isolated

i feel like im in a catch 22 because i want to have relationships and presence from other people, but i feel like the reason i dont have that is because ive not been giving presence to myself, but im not doing that because i dont feel safe feeling my emotions alone, what do i do 😔

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I literally woke up today and thought: "its a catch 22, im in low vibes cause im lonely and im lonely cause people can feel my vibes are low... I should post that on the forum"

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I think, catch 22 is when you are forced into a situation and not created by yourself. When the problem is 'you' then the solution is also you and the tool is authenticity. 

In other words, the solution is drop 22

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@Aquarian you're technically correct (the best kind of correct, some would say), but it still feels painful.

I know about everything Teal has said on authenticity, but just for fun maybe you will explain further what you mean when you say it is the tool?

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You know it already. Although i will say one liner 'You need it/this/that/him/her/they or not?'. Honestly answer it and express it. 

Do you go out and talk to random strangers? 

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I need someone who's capable of and wants intimacy with me, and shares my perspective on how to accomplish that. I don't have anyone specific in mind.

I don't talk much to random strangers regularly. Why? Do you?

 

Edited by Enoch

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In my experience everyone is capable of intimacy. We need to elevate our perspective to a god level then everyone is intimate with us. If you dont have specific one in your mind then you need to go out and interact with lots of people. At least one person a day.

I have met so many different types of people and I hava made many intimate connections that i feel sometime that its too much. Yesterday itself I met a guy who works as a tailor and after 10 minutes of talking we became very good friends. He showed me the factory where 100s of people work to make clothes. We had lunch together, smoked, wished all the best and said goodbye to each other. Today, I am going to meet a guy who is doing PhD in engineering. Lets see what happens.

Bdw where do u live? 

Edited by Aquarian
Missed words

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That sounds really cool! I see your point. Live in Scandinavia

Edited by Enoch
Don't want to give my exact location

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You sound very confident and outgoing, which is quite easy for people to be present with. When I say not everyone is capable of intimacy I mean not everyone is capable of being present with someone who is in pain.

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Be very careful.  I am going through a similar process myself.    I want to live more wholeheartedly but unfortunately sometimes wholeheartedly seems to come out half brainedly.

you have to let go of the fear of letting other people into your inner world.  Let go of walls.  When you let people into your inner world it can lead to elation.  That elation is very much like a drug and you can get addicted to it.  

if you let the walls down, it can lead to close loving relationships.  However, you do need to maintain some boundaries.  Walls are based in fear.  Boundaries are based in knowledge of what is good for us in the long run.

As you let your walls down, more and more of your loving energy will go out into the world.  Make sure it goes to the right people first.   I am happy to share a little bit of loving-kindness which each and every person that I meet.  But most of my loving-kindness really has to go to my wife, and kids, and parents.  Some extra love can go to a few close friendships.  But for all of these relationships, I have to be aware of boundaries. 

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20 hours ago, Scot said:

Be very careful.  I am going through a similar process myself.    I want to live more wholeheartedly but unfortunately sometimes wholeheartedly seems to come out half brainedly.

you have to let go of the fear of letting other people into your inner world.  Let go of walls.  When you let people into your inner world it can lead to elation.  That elation is very much like a drug and you can get addicted to it.  

if you let the walls down, it can lead to close loving relationships.  However, you do need to maintain some boundaries.  Walls are based in fear.  Boundaries are based in knowledge of what is good for us in the long run.

As you let your walls down, more and more of your loving energy will go out into the world.  Make sure it goes to the right people first.   I am happy to share a little bit of loving-kindness which each and every person that I meet.  But most of my loving-kindness really has to go to my wife, and kids, and parents.  Some extra love can go to a few close friendships.  But for all of these relationships, I have to be aware of boundaries. 

Hi Scot, nice to know that yo are going through similar process. I get your point. I gave these suggestions to 445 because I read he/she is living a lonely life and I couldnt take it. I felt there are so many wonderful people and why cant one venture out and experience the diversity of life and choose something that matches? 

You are absolutely right in your cautions given to me/others. I thought about it before I could reply to you. I thought about the addiction point of it, and I felt it is true to some extent. We should not go to the extreme end of the scale. I agree. And same time we must not lose ourselves and our connection to our self. You are a very wise person in my opinion. 

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Brene Brown quote:
I've come to this belief that, if you show me a woman who can sit with a man in real vulnerability, in deep fear, and be with him in it, I will show you a woman who, A, has done her work and, B, does not derive her power from that man. And if you show me a man who can sit with a woman in deep struggle and vulnerability and not try to fix it, but just hear her and be with her and hold space for it, I'll show you a guy who's done his work and a man who doesn't derive his power from controlling and fixing everything.

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thanks for all your replies

 

i actually feel like im losing it and have  no idea what’s going on and can’t relate to people anymore like i have completely lost my sense of self, when i try to act like my old self it’s like im grasping for it and it’s not solid anymore it just feels fake and empty, i don’t know what to do or how to get through this it just feels like it’s dragging on, i don’t even know if this is related to my original post but i think all my issues are connected, does anyone relate to this or have anything to advise me on??

and oh yeah i know i need to meditate the void scares me though 😂

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