M_The_Raven

Relapsing into old patterns.

26 posts in this topic

Fell off the wagon.  Began neglecting my physical & emotional health.
I started smoking cigarettes again compulsively after quitting --- & self sabotaged my emotional health
i'm feeling really low & lonely.   I'm scared & nervous about the future.. all my chakras are closed.
Last night ONLY my heart chakra, third eye, & crown were open but the bottom half closed.
TODAY -- i'm ashamed to admit i feel i'm under psychic attack after a horrible confrontation with my ex
Whom after 8 months of no contact - I gave a chance to redeem herself as a distant friend with caution.
Last night we got into a horrible conversation that ended up with me blocking her.  i woke up feeling

cortisol rush & terror & panic & self hatred.

yeah. i'm lying & being inauthentic lately..  bc I'm ashamed i've regressed on so much of my progress
I'm under a psychic attack at moment. 

Can someone show me empathy or just tough love?

I'm feeling really terrible about myself for betraying MYSELF!

 

Edited by M_The_Raven

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not a victim.   I know the truth of who I am.   I just thought I'd turned a corner..  I let my guard down.  & I fell into a hole

I'm upset with myself.  because I really feel like i made a lot of progress & now I need to start over... 
because i wasn't as healed as i thought.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • I'm going to be ok 
  • I see myself recovering & stronger than ever this time
  • this was a teacher for me.  I needed to work more on myself.  this reminded me i needed to do more work
  • when I'm ready i won't need to worry about letting my guard down.  
  • i was making progress.  I was in a good place; then i relapsed into a pattern of old toxic shame.
  • that shame is useless
  • i'm going to be ok.  i'm strong & perfect
  • i'm imperfect & thats ok.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

that's possible  -- I've been very psychic lately --- my psychic energy was tapped into unhealthy sources before.
It seems it's good that i came here & restored some health.  

I have a lot gratitude & i'm going to use this as an opportunity for growth & i appreciate the support & love.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

thank you for the love & affirmations @Ana  It did feel good to tap into a positive energy.

So; i'm going to make a brand new start ---  i've turned a corner.  back to love & divine * wholeness & health.
Slowly & surely.   I'm not sure why i'm resisting to quit smoking.  Its' always been a crutch that i relapse with 
to ease my inner loneliness.  but i hate the smoking.  I just do it because it feels good in the moment.

Edited by M_The_Raven

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
18 hours ago, M_The_Raven said:

i hate the smoking.  I just do it because it feels good in the moment.

Have you tried vaping?

I know several people who switched and quit   in less then a week! They say that cigarettes don't taste the same anymore.  You can choose nicotine % and flavor you like ?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

thank you Ana for posting that TED video of Judson Brewer. I was in a very low, low, low place today and that video has given me interest in life again, in a good life again. Thank you. 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've decided no vape. 

Going to quit the cigs after this pack.   I already cut down to like 1 day.  & when it's gone.  I'm done. 

No vape!!!

im also back on a fitness plan.  I just burned 2100 calories skateboarding 12 miles.   Says the Fitbit thing.    Omg.   I started a diet of healthy organics too. 

@Ana loved the video.   I think u helped ally

so.   Progress already made.  Next step?  

Im making progress.  

Thank u for lifting my spirit everyone. I really do feel like ur energy & vibe helped me overcome a funk 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thing is.  I didn't actually try to burn the 2100 calories. When I read it after my skate. I was almost in shock.  I said. I can't believe that!  Not my intent!

i just was having soooo much fun today on my board.  It was cathartic.  I'm fairly good at skateboarding.  I practiced a lot for years. Bc it's just my fav means of exercise & fun.   

Haven't skated in 6 months.  

Then it felt like. Omg.  I never want to stop. & I didn't.  I was out all night!

it was a good day.   Next time gonna try to take it easy. Seems excessive.   2100 calorie burn workout.  But I was just having so much fun.   Whatever. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Like. It was amazing.  I hit 15 mph avg speed. I was just flying.  & jumping over curbs & stuff.   It was Amazin. Listening to music felt like world was right again.   

Anyway.  I'm tired.  Xoxo.  Love u all.  Night. 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, M_The_Raven said:

I've decided no vape. 

Going to quit the cigs after this pack.   I already cut down to like 1 day.  & when it's gone.  I'm done. 

No vape!!!

im also back on a fitness plan.  I just burned 2100 calories skateboarding 12 miles.   Says the Fitbit thing.    Omg.   I started a diet of healthy organics too. 

@Ana loved the video.   I think u helped ally

so.   Progress already made.  Next step?  

Im making progress.  

Thank u for lifting my spirit everyone. I really do feel like ur energy & vibe helped me overcome a funk 

As we raise our vibration as a collective spirit, we all raise each others vibration.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, Kalki said:

As we raise our vibration as a collective spirit, we all raise each others vibration.

That's a beautiful thing.  I'm grateful.  Thank u.  Xoxo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, M_The_Raven said:

That's a beautiful thing.  I'm grateful.  Thank u.  Xoxo

You're welcome.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@M_The_Raven you are going skateboarding in the night, it makes me worry. Please dont fall asleep while skating and if you realize you are flying please wake up and check if you are on road and not diving into the valley...because then you domt have to wear the skates anymore. And also, when you are on the road...

 

 

Take care of the pedestrians :laughing-yahoo-emoticon:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now