Giulia

Friendships that don't feel good

7 posts in this topic

Hello everybody,

I would like to ask your opinion on a subject to get different perspectives on this personal matter...I feel a bit vulnerable sharing this so I'll try my best :)

In my closest circle of friends I have five people whom I've known since high school, and now I'm 24.  When I'm around them the general feeling I get is one of heaviness, like I can't be myself fully. We only talk about work or general stuff,  we don't really share personal problems or issues.

One could say, so why don't you find new friends? Probably it's because I'm afraid that if I'll lose them I'll be alone. This is a belief my mother passed down on me, that I have to cling on people no matter what or else I'll find myself isolated. But I feel stuck and  held back in this situation.

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? Any advice? Thank you in advance :) x

 

 

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46 minutes ago, Giulia said:

Hello everybody,

I would like to ask your opinion on a subject to get different perspectives on this personal matter...I feel a bit vulnerable sharing this so I'll try my best :)

In my closest circle of friends I have five people whom I've known since high school, and now I'm 24.  When I'm around them the general feeling I get is one of heaviness, like I can't be myself fully. We only talk about work or general stuff,  we don't really share personal problems or issues.

One could say, so why don't you find new friends? Probably it's because I'm afraid that if I'll lose them I'll be alone. This is a belief my mother passed down on me, that I have to cling on people no matter what or else I'll find myself isolated. But I feel stuck and  held back in this situation.

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? Any advice? Thank you in advance :) x

 

 

Hi Giulia.

Maybe you could invite them into a type of friendship you want. Sometimes it helps to just be straight forward and spill the beans. Try telling them you want to talk about feelings and stuff like that and they might be open to that.

Either way, even if they are not open to it, you can still be there friend. But when you are self-serving enough to honor what you want you are more likely to find it, maybe in other people.

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7 hours ago, Giulia said:

Hello everybody,

I would like to ask your opinion on a subject to get different perspectives on this personal matter...I feel a bit vulnerable sharing this so I'll try my best :)

In my closest circle of friends I have five people whom I've known since high school, and now I'm 24.  When I'm around them the general feeling I get is one of heaviness, like I can't be myself fully. We only talk about work or general stuff,  we don't really share personal problems or issues.

One could say, so why don't you find new friends? Probably it's because I'm afraid that if I'll lose them I'll be alone. This is a belief my mother passed down on me, that I have to cling on people no matter what or else I'll find myself isolated. But I feel stuck and  held back in this situation.

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? Any advice? Thank you in advance :) x

 

 

 

I'm glad you did share, I hope you continue to do so.

I have friends like that, friends I keep it very surface with, and often times this is nice. It gives a break from heavier things, which is probably what the majority of the group wants. You however want more which is why you feel like you can't be yourself fully. This forum can be a great place to discuss heavier things and personal issues, I personally feel like this is a safe place. You could start to slowly discuss things here as you get more comfortable and then you could relax more with your friends. Ultimately you probably won't get the deeper things with those people and that's okay. As far as being alone, we all go through times of being alone, it doesn't mean we are unlovable. I hold the belief that what you cling to you lose, and usually in a much more painful way than if you hadn't clung. Just something to think about :) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I would leave the friends and learn to be my own best friend. If it feels like your friends drag you down or not make you feel good, they are not good for you.  When you become you own best friend, good friends appear without you looking for them.

As for me, I have lost most of my friends which was good because they were not good for me. My only friends now are my parents and my brothers and I am close and comfortable to them. I also have some good online friends.

Edited by Kalki

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Thank you everyone for your point of view :) I feel like things are getting clearer now. I've had this huge shadow work session where I've realized that I still have codependency issues tha stem from my narcisisstic mother :thumbs-up-yahoo-emoticon: lol

I think this would be beneficial for someone else who's struggling with the same pattern: I've realized that the way these  people make me feel is the same feeling I got from my mother growing up. Very painful. They never make you feel good about yourself because they don't feel good about themselves.

It's not easy to deal with this stuff but I have to break myself free from this cirlce for the sake of my growth and expansion. xx

Edited by Giulia
misspell
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37 minutes ago, Giulia said:

Thank you everyone for your point of view :) I feel like things are getting clearer now. I've had this huge shadow work session where I've realized that I still have codepency issues tha stem from my narcisisstic mother :thumbs-up-yahoo-emoticon: lol

I think this would be beneficial for someone else who's struggling with the same pattern: I've realized that the way these  people make me feel is the same feeling I got from my mother growing up. Very painful. They never make you feel good about yourself because they don't feel good about themselves.

It's not easy to deal with this stuff but I have to break myself free from this cirlce for the sake of my growth and expansion. xx

Thanks for sharing. 

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