Skgray

Depression

16 posts in this topic

This is a pretty heavy topic to be getting into but am really needing some opinions on where to draw the line when it comes to severe depression. Being bed ridden, exhausted, exremely sad, constant crying, self harming and having no motivation to do anything and the inability to find pleasure or happiness in anything, I feel like its counter-productive to allow the feelings as it feels like you just get more sucked into them. Where does neuroplasticity come into it with all this spiritual stuff? If the feelings are so ingrained in my brain, wouldnt it be best to try and retrain my brain into more happier feelings? Instead of getting lost in the depression and continuing that habit? If I accept how im feeling fully, wil I not just drown in it more? When you are at the lowest of lows and dont want to be here anymore, where do you draw the line to giving into meds? I want all this spiritual stuff to work but I dont have the motivation to really do the processes. One day I will be right into it, practising self love and reading Teals book and watching the videos but at some point I come crashing back down again and suicidal thoughts consume me. Has anyone successfully been able to come out of depression by feeling your feelings, following them, doing shadow work, self love exercises, acceptance etc? 

Thank you x

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"One last reason to exist, is the thought that you get over this..."

--Needtobreathe

I used to be super depressed, I was cutting every day, wanting to die. I fought it, everyday. You should fight it because you deserve better, you deserve happiness and no one ever got happier by staying in bed and being present with their depression. Depression wants your presence so it can persist. You shouldn't accept feeling this way, it's not how it's supposed to be. It's not what you're meant for. You need to fight for yourself. Forcing yourself to get out of bed and do stuff may not feel very loving but it is, because accomplishing things and contributing builds self esteem. Shadow work is very beneficial for self injury. Find your core beliefs, Teal did a video on that :) Meds are a very personal thing, ultimately you have to decide what is best for you. They can help but results are very individualistic.  If it comes down to life or death, I'd take the pill, but that's just my opinion. Coming  and staying out of depression means meeting your needs, so I use, A.R.M. Always Remember Maslow. Use his hierarchy of needs as a reminder on how to meet your needs and as guide to which needs need prioritizing. Hope this helps you :)

 

 

Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs.png

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if you trust someone to be with you and your pain and have them not freak out and leave would be good. the emotion just needs to come out sometimes. I do have bad days, but that's because I'm not numb, I feel a lot and that's a part of this experience. life is a personal experience so comparing does nothing, they aren't you, they are, but they aren't aware of that lol. this really is a mirror if that helps, maybe not. it does end though. for me it was health problems and the mental health that comes with that, holy shit I cant even explain to you and you're alone boiling in that because a lot of people don't have the same problem, their problem is what tattoo should I get or something like that. my body is sensitive and that's a part of it, so I'm on this life long process of cleaning this body and get it back to its normal state on all levels, everything becomes so mundane when your life is threatened, so that changed my interests and gave me crazy will power, so that's good, and when its all over it will just be what I've experienced, a part of my story, just like depression will be a part of yours. drinking love water works, looking at a picture of you as a kid or baby saying I love myself works because it is still you and you do love your kid self, that's the real you. whatever works for you, me personality its been psychedelics, diet, sun, exercise, fasting, nature. whatever works for you.

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28 minutes ago, authorofdarkness said:

You should fight it because you deserve better, you deserve happiness and no one ever got happier by staying in bed and being present with their depression. Depression wants your presence so it can persist. You shouldn't accept feeling this way, it's not how it's supposed to be. It's not what you're meant for. You need to fight for yourself. Forcing yourself to get out of bed and do stuff may not feel very loving but it is, because accomplishing things and contributing builds self esteem.

Thanks so much for your reply :-) I only recently became aware of the fact that my staying in bed all the time isnt actually self-love and even though I have no motivation or energy to get out of bed and do things, its doing small things and actually taking care of myself that is self-love. But the acceptance thing I find hard.....you say to fight it, dont accept it etc but isnt that what Teal teaches us? That its ok to not be ok and to allow the way we feel with the least resistance and see it through? Im having a hard time finding the balance between the acceptance and what you say-fighting it.

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29 minutes ago, Alex7 said:

if you trust someone to be with you and your pain and have them not freak out and leave would be good. the emotion just needs to come out sometimes. I do have bad days, but that's because I'm not numb, I feel a lot and that's a part of this experience. life is a personal experience so comparing does nothing, they aren't you, they are, but they aren't aware of that lol. this really is a mirror if that helps, maybe not. it does end though. for me it was health problems and the mental health that comes with that, holy shit I cant even explain to you and you're alone boiling in that because a lot of people don't have the same problem, their problem is what tattoo should I get or something like that. my body is sensitive and that's a part of it, so I'm on this life long process of cleaning this body and get it back to its normal state on all levels, everything becomes so mundane when your life is threatened, so that changed my interests and gave me crazy will power, so that's good, and when its all over it will just be what I've experienced, a part of my story, just like depression will be a part of yours. drinking love water works, looking at a picture of you as a kid or baby saying I love myself works because it is still you and you do love your kid self, that's the real you. whatever works for you, me personality its been psychedelics, diet, sun, exercise, fasting, nature. whatever works for you.

Thank you also :-) I do trust people to be with me but the thing is, alot of the time I just want to be by myself unless I really click with a person (Which I find extremely hard to find). I tend to get irritated/annoyed/angry really easily, im unsure if this is part of the depression or triggers or what but I push people away when these emotions come up so sometimes im better doing this on my own. As hard as that is. 

Drinking love water? Are you referring to blessing the water with love and positive intentions and then drinking? I actually recently put a photo of me up as a child in my kitchen so I would see it all the time and it sucks because I feel so disconnected from her...like she wasnt me. I look at her and think, she doesnt deserve the self-harm or the self-critism etc but I do. Its hard for me to make that connection to the fact that im still her.

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7 minutes ago, Skgray said:

you say to fight it, dont accept it etc but isnt that what Teal teaches us? That its ok to not be ok and to allow the way we feel with the least resistance and see it through? Im having a hard time finding the balance between the acceptance and what you say-fighting it.

You are accepting it, because you are owning what you feel and not denying it or repressing it. But you are also saying this kind of life isn't acceptable because it makes you want to die and unable to function. It's ok to not be ok in the sense we don't have to be perfect and shouldn't have that expectation for ourselves. But to continue living in a state of such self hatred we physically attack ourselves is not ok. Change is necessary.

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21 minutes ago, Skgray said:

Thank you also :-) I do trust people to be with me but the thing is, alot of the time I just want to be by myself unless I really click with a person (Which I find extremely hard to find). I tend to get irritated/annoyed/angry really easily, im unsure if this is part of the depression or triggers or what but I push people away when these emotions come up so sometimes im better doing this on my own. As hard as that is. 

Drinking love water? Are you referring to blessing the water with love and positive intentions and then drinking? I actually recently put a photo of me up as a child in my kitchen so I would see it all the time and it sucks because I feel so disconnected from her...like she wasnt me. I look at her and think, she doesnt deserve the self-harm or the self-critism etc but I do. Its hard for me to make that connection to the fact that im still her.

yeah you think of love, put it in the water and drink it. I actually am doing the dr. emoto rice experiment and on Tuesday it will be 12 weeks and yeah love looks good. I feel I gap between me and my kid self too, but I'm still him and when I say I love myself while looking at that picture my body doesn't take it as a lie because that is still me.

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Regarding Neuro science, there's a lot to be said.

The hypothalamus is a part if your brain that interacts with the cells and nervous system in your body. It creates the physical representation of emotions, which are proteins. The proteins are sent from the hypothalamus to the rest of the body and your cells receive that information. Emotions have different protein make-ups, so your cells can literally recognize anger or any other emotion.

In the case of bad memories or bad habits of self abuse, as in any case, the hypothalamus sends proteins to your body in reaction to the neurons firing in your brain. When you think something bad about yourself, all kinds of neurons can fire off and traumatic memories can come up. Your cells know what's happening emotionally for you.

When you do this spiritual work and dive deep into it, you're asked to remember the first time feeling this way. This brings your awareness to the deepest part neurologically within a network regarding the feeling that is accessible to you. 

While inside the neural network you can create a new pathway that changes the way you experience that network, that set of memories, thus reversing a lot of the negative impacts of a trauma.

If I'm not mistaken, teal asks to find something good about the situation (someone please correct me if I'm wrong). She directs you to find some sort of relief on the topic of the first memory.

While finding relief you are changing your neurons to fire in this new pathway. You hypothalamus responds, now, with new direction based on the signal you gave it when doing the process.

I'm not aware of the full positive effects. This might help other neural networks with the same emotion connected to it as well.

 

As far as staying with an emotion, or just "sitting with it", there's something about being able to sit with an emotion and not resist it that gives you more space and awareness for other things. It's not about enduring suffering, as I understand it. It's more about be able to feel what is in you , part of you, (it's nothing outside), and reconnecting with yourself and learning what your emotions are telling you.

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30 minutes ago, Alex7 said:

yeah you think of love, put it in the water and drink it. I actually am doing the dr. emoto rice experiment and on Tuesday it will be 12 weeks and yeah love looks good. I feel I gap between me and my kid self too, but I'm still him and when I say I love myself while looking at that picture my body doesn't take it as a lie because that is still me.

I did the rice experiment! Very interesting :-D

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Thanks @Adam, thats really interesting. For example, I seem to have created this habit of staying in bed day in and day out to the point where its hard to get out and do stuff (disregarding how exhausted I am) so of my knowledge of neuroplasticity, there will be a neural pathway that has formed that has locked the behaviour into place and formed a habit. So I end up wondering whether to give in to the feelings of depression, anxiety and exhaustion (You know, trying to listen to what my body is telling me) and keep resting OR if the only way im going to get out of this is to force myself out of bed and start rebuilding that old neural pathway where it was habit to up and moving and doing activities. Hopefully im making sense. 

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1 hour ago, Skgray said:

Thanks @Adam, thats really interesting. For example, I seem to have created this habit of staying in bed day in and day out to the point where its hard to get out and do stuff (disregarding how exhausted I am) so of my knowledge of neuroplasticity, there will be a neural pathway that has formed that has locked the behaviour into place and formed a habit. So I end up wondering whether to give in to the feelings of depression, anxiety and exhaustion (You know, trying to listen to what my body is telling me) and keep resting OR if the only way im going to get out of this is to force myself out of bed and start rebuilding that old neural pathway where it was habit to up and moving and doing activities. Hopefully im making sense. 

Yes there might be something in your neurology that's causing it. That might be when other things come up like self blame, and that can trigger other neural networks like a bad memory with an ex.

The two approaches go hand in hand. You're able to be with the emotion and let it reveal to you what's in it. It could be a memory or a message. Whatever that thought is (might be best to go with the earliest memory), that's the place where the 'work' is, and the place to use whatever guidance you choose to create something new.

Have you thought of working with a practitioner?

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2 minutes ago, Adam said:

Yes there might be something in your neurology that's causing it. That might be when other things come up like self blame, and that can trigger other neural networks like a bad memory with an ex.

The two approaches go hand in hand. You're able to be with the emotion and let it reveal to you what's in it. It could be a memory or a message. Whatever that thought is (might be best to go with the earliest memory), that's the place where the 'work' is, and the place to use whatever guidance you choose to create something new.

Have you thought of working with a practitioner?

Yeah, I really need to pick up the motivation to do some Shadow Work so I can try and go back to the earliest situations that may have been a part of how im feeling now. 

Havent thought about working with a pratitioner at this point because of $$. Just have to be my own practitioner for now :-).

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12 minutes ago, Skgray said:

Yeah, I really need to pick up the motivation to do some Shadow Work so I can try and go back to the earliest situations that may have been a part of how im feeling now. 

Havent thought about working with a pratitioner at this point because of $$. Just have to be my own practitioner for now :-).

I believe in you Skgray. I know you can do it :-).

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