Angelica Minguez

I honestly need after-break-up comfort words, if anyone is willing...

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I honestly need after-break-up comfort words, if anyone is willing...

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2.7 years. I've been absent from myself for the best of those years when he loved me ardently, and the most. I only really got to be more present for him in person for...2 days, regrettably. The rest of the time when I was able to be present with him--he was 5 states away at another college, and I didn't have the damn chance. The distance ended up breaking our bond.

I still love him, and he still cares for me to a point, but I think our relationship has reached "completion" where our souls are not in the relationship now. I...can't easily accept that he doesn't love me anymore, after he's loved me fully for years...

I...can't help but remember the boy who doted on me, every day, who loved my body no matter how it looked, who thought my face was beautiful no matter the angle, even though I often thought it was ugly, who loved my hair when he first saw me, and it had been thinning. I can't help but remember how sweet our relationship was. And I'm grieving for it. I miss it, and I feel like the Universe has betrayed me, my soul moving off when I didn't want it to.

I know the reasons for this happening--I've already somewhat come to terms with the benefits of what's happenings. But I love this man. I love him so much...so much. And it seems I will lose him. My best friend. My heart.

Thanks for reading.

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Regardless of any reasons for why anything happened, it does always get better. Always.

Grieve, feel what you need to feel. No matter what you feel, you'll be able to move on sooner or later. And then when you're ready to move on, the next part of your life can begin. If you can embrace it, I'm sure it will be better than the last. It's always going to take time though. Don't rush yourself, or let yourself dwell longer than you need to. Feel what you need to feel, and when yoy can, get ready for everything that'll come next. Maybe you'll drift back together maybe you'll drift into someone new, maybe you'll learn to be just as great, standing alone. Life is very, very long, and things change a lot as time passes.

Things will get better. Growth needs change.

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16 hours ago, techconnect said:

the pain lessens in time...

Thank you (':

9 hours ago, Done Now said:

Regardless of any reasons for why anything happened, it does always get better. Always.

Things will get better. Growth needs change.

Thank you so much. I'll definitely be coming back to read this when I'm especially down in the dumps about this.

I just can't help but love him, but to cling to him, even as he's pushing me farther away. Even as his feelings have faded.

Again, thank you. Things are a bit clearer now, and I feel a bit better.

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You asked for words of encouragement.  My late father told me "time cures all wounds". and in my 54 years of life, I've found that to be true.  Even though you didn't ask for advice, I hope you don't mind hearing some advice from someone that has had some hard break ups.  What matters right now, is what you do with time that it takes to heal.  Take cues from your emotions, check in with them several times a day, and then go with it for a set amount of time.  Then do something you love, surround yourself with comfort, be oh so kind to yourself.  Fill that void of the love and adoration your boyfriend placed on you with self love.  Make a list of all the things you want to do for yourself and start doing them.  a long bath, a visit with an old friend, go for a swim, go for a hike in nature, whatever it is you have been putting off because you have been focusing on him.  focus on you.,,

I have people in my life that I love dearly, but my time with them has come to an end, or at least reduced to casual acquaintances.  And it hurts to let them go.  But I have come up with a practical thing to help myself, when that person comes into my mind, I stop the thoughts of worry, longing, sadness, etc. by going right into prayer and bringing their name to God.  I say God I lift "Alan" up to you and pray that you will touch him and bless him in this moment while I am thinking of him.  I put all my thoughts about Alan into Gods hands and I pray for his protection, and I pray for God to heal the hurt in Alan's heart and mine.  Then I believe, I call upon my faith, and release him to God's responsibility.

This is easier said than done.  But when you do this, you will be surprised the growth you experience, and the peace that comes with maturity.  By releasing your resistance to the situation, you are opening new doors and better situations for your future and his, better things than you can even imagine.

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On 5/25/2018 at 12:03 PM, Cosmic Carla said:

You asked for words of encouragement.

This is easier said than done.  But when you do this, you will be surprised the growth you experience, and the peace that comes with maturity.  By releasing your resistance to the situation, you are opening new doors and better situations for your future and his, better things than you can even imagine.

Thank you so much. I really, really needed this advice. I've been crying for the 30+ minutes, because my ex told me he's going to start talking to other women. My self-esteem is so low, and I haven't been taking proper care of myself for weeks. (My diet has been horrendous--I've been malnourished, and putting too much salt in my body, so my triggers became amplified.) Thank you for your compassionate response, too. It really hurts. It's been sucky. But the very least, I know more of what I want in a partner. I'm still very, very sad.

I'm going to start seriously applying your advice from today onward. My ex telling me this knocked me out of my denial, and my false hope that part of me kept feeling that maybe he would love me again like before (which I could logically tell he wasn't this time).

Thank you again. I'm glad I'm not alone.

~Angelica

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