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jeremy2692

How do I fix someone else's problem?

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How do I fix someone else's problem?

So I have a friend, a very special friend actually. Just last night, she came to my place sobbing. She was in full pain; I can really see it. She told me something about her affair to a guy I didn’t even know. And the problem is she has a boyfriend, they’ve been together for 4 years now since that new year’s party dating service. She wants me help her amend everything, that I am the only who understands her. But I’m not really sure about this. First, I can’t stand on the fact that she’s cheating on her bf. Secondly, she wants me to talk to her bf and end everything between them. It’s not that easy! What should I do? How do I fix someone else's problem?

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You don’t. Unless you want to be used in that way. What you do is you put it in her hands. And tell her to do it. You offer her to be there for her if she needs you. But you won’t do her dirty work. 

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Yeah. I'm sure it makes perfect sense to her to try and have you help her; clearly she has a lot of faith in you. But that's not a reasonable request, not only because you had no part in making it all happen, but also because... that sounds like a huge problem to try and tackle. To be totally upfront, I know nothing about you, what you're capable of, but... I've not met anyone who could intervene in a situation like that and just fix it, which sounds kind of what she's hoping you'll be able to do for her. That's a huge thing to ask of anyone. It definately doesn't sound fair to try and get you to end her relationship in her place.

Totally, be there for her. But there's a line somewhere between helping someone to deal with their problems, and shielding them from their own decisions. Ultimately, you can't fix people's problems on their behalf. They have to fix them themselves, and hopefully you can help.

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