wildwestrom

Is it wrong to only want sex and nothing else?

6 posts in this topic

Is it wrong to only want sex and nothing else?

Just as the title says, am I being inauthentic or something to that effect if I say I just want to have sex and I don't really care about the person I'm having sex with? If so, how can I correct this? If not, what is a good way to state my desire and intention without hurting others?

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Relationships are unhealthy today, so if someone is hurt  by/when you saying directly how you feel and what you want/desire, then its their expectations being hurt, their sort of illusions, you should just say it as honestly and openly as you can, of course with respect towards another person who also has a perception, perspective, feelings, thoughts, and all that. 

Also, what we were taught care is and what people expect from as as a form of care, like, what is care? how does care look like? what does it look like? what is care? the way we were taught, has nothing to do with what real care is. To care for someone, you should be compassionate towards yourself first, your own needs (mental, emotional, physical) in order to have that compassion and be able to care, and that comes naturally, you will care for someone who is more on your wave length more than for someone with whom you do not click, very normal. You seem exhausted to me from this charade and facade of love and care, that really just exausts us. It has nothing to do with the real thing. So... Be relaxed, try out, as i said, if you are honest with yourself and with people with whom you feel you can be, want to be honest with, go ahead, try. You have to try :) and see for yourself how will you feel, and the other/ partner 

Edited by Mai-da

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5 hours ago, wildwestrom said:

Is it wrong to only want sex and nothing else?

Just as the title says, am I being inauthentic or something to that effect if I say I just want to have sex and I don't really care about the person I'm having sex with? If so, how can I correct this? If not, what is a good way to state my desire and intention without hurting others?

I say forcing emotions is being inauthentic.  So authenticity is realizing where you are in your current state.  However, where you are now might not be where you end up.  People learn, grow and change.  

Do you think about emotional connection during sex and think “I don’t know how to achieve that so I’ll give up and go without”? Or it is more like “I have no interest in that.  In fact I don’t even know what those people are talking about”.  

Do you have emotionally close non-sexual relationships?  When someone does something nice for you, do you have genuine feelings of gratitude?  If you want to bring emotion into sex, I would say to cultivate feelings of gratitude and loving-kindness into your life in general.

When you have sex, does it turn you on to give your partner pleasure?  Is their pleasure important?  

There are all kinds of people in the world.  I have no doubt that you could find a partner or partners who share your desire for physical pleasure without emotion.  I don’t believe in using other people.  And I don’t believe in abusing other people or ourselves.  I do believe in mutual pleasure.  What form of pleasure? Well that is really up to you and your partner.

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On 4/16/2018 at 6:07 PM, Scot said:

Do you think about emotional connection during sex and think “I don’t know how to achieve that so I’ll give up and go without”? Or it is more like “I have no interest in that.  In fact I don’t even know what those people are talking about”.  

I think about it like this. The long-term, deep, loving relationship, might be my ultimate goal, my "main course" so to speak. I know the main course will come eventually and with perfect timing, perhaps in my 30s or 40s, but that doesn't mean I don't want a few appetizers while I wait. Also, I only have one life to live, I want to experience as many different kinds of women as possible. Monogamy to me seems like eating the same thing every single day for the rest of my life, I would rather die than subject myself to that. 

I like emotional connection, but it's not essential. My first time was not so good, I didn't like her personality or her musk, but I didn't have to see her again and it was still pretty fun.

On 4/16/2018 at 6:07 PM, Scot said:

Do you have emotionally close non-sexual relationships?  When someone does something nice for you, do you have genuine feelings of gratitude?  If you want to bring emotion into sex, I would say to cultivate feelings of gratitude and loving-kindness into your life in general.

I have one very close friendship, dare I say a platonic soulmate, like we planned to meet each other before we incarnated. I'm very grateful knowing him and I want nothing but the best for him.

On 4/16/2018 at 6:07 PM, Scot said:

When you have sex, does it turn you on to give your partner pleasure?  Is their pleasure important?  

It is very important. The idea that someone can have sex and not orgasm is probably the saddest thing I've ever heard. Worse yet, this is a reality for a huge percentage of women. I want to give the gift of orgasms, because what better gift is there for me to give? (rhetorical question) It's her first, even if she doesn't reciprocate the first time it's still quite fun for me.

On 4/16/2018 at 12:30 PM, Mai-da said:

Relationships are unhealthy today, so if someone is hurt  by/when you saying directly how you feel and what you want/desire, then its their expectations being hurt, their sort of illusions, you should just say it as honestly and openly as you can, of course with respect towards another person who also has a perception, perspective, feelings, thoughts, and all that.

I'll give an extreme example to illustrate why I ask this. Let's say my strategy is to send a dick pic every time I get someone's number. Either they're into or they're not, no in between, and it's quick. I do however feel a little responsibility for hurting someone else by doing this.

Edited by wildwestrom
added "perfect timing"

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15 hours ago, wildwestrom said:

that doesn't mean I don't want a few appetizers while I wait. 

Those "appetizers" are people. They are someone's daughter, someone's niece, someone's future WIFE, someone's future MOTHER. 

 

15 hours ago, wildwestrom said:

Also, I only have one life to live, I want to experience as many different kinds of women as possible. Monogamy to me seems like eating the same thing every single day for the rest of my life, I would rather die than subject myself to that. 

 

Let me get this straight. You can't imagine loving a woman long-term, and so your solution is to fuck as many different women as possible?

You should know... every sexual partner a woman has increases her likelihood of divorce later on. 

By being a promiscuous womanizer, you're ruining it for everyone else, including the women. And just because you assume you'll get bored? We live in a society, bud. Don't be a psychopath.

 

15 hours ago, wildwestrom said:

I like emotional connection, but it's not essential. My first time was not so good, I didn't like her personality or her musk, but I didn't have to see her again and it was still pretty fun.

 

So what? Who cares? Not everything is about you.

 

15 hours ago, wildwestrom said:

I'll give an extreme example to illustrate why I ask this. Let's say my strategy is to send a dick pic every time I get someone's number. Either they're into or they're not, no in between, and it's quick. I do however feel a little responsibility for hurting someone else by doing this.

You should feel responsible for sending a dick pic. That would be entirely your fault. And that's my point. You don't want to turn into a psycho.

 

This is why I wish I lived in the 1950s. Dating was organized and proper, and people had a slight grip on reality. The "hookup culture" didn't exist. Nowadays it's expected and society is crashing as a result. People aren't happy in relationships anymore. There's no real commitment it's so disgusting. Psychopathic womanizers are partially to blame, but so are the women who slut around. Loll. Why oh why ...

And here we are.

 

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Maybe someone out there has the ultimate answers to life, the universe and everything but everyone I have talked to may have some good ideas but nobody I’ve met has all the answers. And I know I don’t.  So maybe someday mankind will have all the answers.  Until then, I think we have to live life, explore, try new things, find people to do them with.  However, we need to have respect for other people’s boundaries and for our own boundaries.

Edited by Scot

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