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Obsessive Compulsive Thoughts

Hello everyone! I'm Sanna and I'm a soon to be 22 year old girl. I've been struggling with obsessive compulsive thoughts for a while. When I was younger they came in a lot of different shapes. I both felt compelled to do certain rituals, like brushing my teeth a certain way, and had horrible images of people I love dying haunt me, especially before sleeping. 

The thoughts no longer control my body, but to some degree they still control my mind. Which is terrifying when you know you create and attract what you focus on. 

In this case, shaping reality is a power I don't want. All I want is for the people I love to be safe and happy. Yet the compulsive disturbing thoughts show me the opposite. I bet you can imagine how scary this is. I somehow need to reprogram my mind to get rid of those thoughts. And I am trying. I've gotten some help from other teachers aswell, who've told me I need to just observe the thoughts, let them be and embrace them. That I don't need to worry because both me and others have protection and a certain path to walk. Even if someone would really like to hurt me, it's not certain that they could, because I have protection aswell. And I hope intention plays a huge role.. My intention is to heal and help. To spread love and light.. It's just that my thoughts sometimes go in the opposite direction. Because it's what I fear most. It's far to easy to focus on what we fear.. Knowing that the universe don't really care if you're even conscious about the thoughts you're thinking, and will mirror them anyway.. is awful when you feel like you can't control your thoughts. When your thoughts are not reflecting what you want them to. Sometimes it's even so bad that when I try to send love, light and healing towards someone, my mind will turn it into images of death instead. 

It becomes an internal fight. I ask angles for help, I ask every lightbeing for help, I try to focus positively for as long as I can, and when I can't I try to distract myself so I'll atleast not think thoughts that could hurt others. I've started writing down what I want instead, because I am in control of what I write, what actions I take (other than thinking). I give myself healing sometimes, and try to do my best to replace the negative images with positive ones. I try to create my own reality by setting the intention that the awful thoughts I don't know how to control yet will not hurt anyone, that they will either disappear into nothing as soon as they've left me, or turn into positivity and healing instead, since that's what I really want to send out.

It's gotten better. It used to be real bad. I'm slightly less scared than I used to be. But I am still struggling with this. I will hear some things that make me feel better (we have protection, others thoughts and wants are just as powerful and important, they will not hurt because it's not your intention) and then I'll hear things that make me scared again (universe will reflect what you focus on, whether you resist it or not it will manifest, if you pray in a state of fear and desperation you will also attract those horrible things you are asking to be protected from). 

When it comes to obsessive thoughts, I'm at a loss. I am so confused. I don't know what actions to take in order to attract good things for me and my family. Can I pray/ask for help? Since I am scared, will I just make things worse if I do? Should I face and embrace those dark thoughts because I need to in order to not create resistance? I think probably.. but the last thing I want is to manifest those dark things. When I say dark.. it's about as bad as it gets. 

I am thinking I need to embrace them.. validate/accept them. Observe them without judgement. Because there isn't much else to do. I guess. But.. I feel like I need your support. I'm not sure what to do. What do you think is the best way to go about this..? It's one thing to feel in control of your thoughts, it's a whole different ball game to feel like you're not. 

It's as if I would keep burning myself on a stove (and others) against my will. How.. just how do I get rid of these thoughts? 

I will do The Work by Byron Katie, I will keep trying methods that I've heard about previously.. and that I've heard Teal talk about in her videos. Releasing resistance, and so on. What I am most concerned with though.. is not hurting anyone in the process. 

I know I can't guarantee anyone's safety and eternal happiness, but I will not be the one sending images of torture and death to anyone. I am so sick of my mind doing that against my will. And I will take any help I can in order to get rid off them. If you feel like you can, please help me. I'd appreciate it so much. Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day ♡ 

Edited by Erith
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Very long post, I didn't read it whole, but you seem to be too attached to your mind. That's why whatever you hear influences your perception. In the end you will realize it's really how your heart feels and what IT wants, not what your mind attaches to, and similar. 

Also, I suggest shadow work, as we are not only composed of the positive, positive thoughts, intentions, love and light... light is awareness, it's not only positive. Universe doesn't know about positive or negative, it loves you unconditionally and it reflects whatever you focus on (focus is not actually just the mind) or also, whatever you suppress, deny, disown... Don't try to send love and light and anything else to people you care about, you are again using your mind, therefore fear, try seeing what your heart wants, what is trying to tell you. 

And as I said, shadow work. Why are those images appearing in your subconscious? What are they trying to tell you? Death and life are same, nothing different in the universe, and universe, is you. That's what I would say. 

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I had this btw, I was also very attached to mind and still am possessive and compulsive, but I try to give what my mind needs, which ultimately is unconditional presence. But also information. Still practicing. And that's why I can tell you what I did. Meditation and meditative life also helps, but from experience i can tell you You are trying to much, (can also stem from projections on you from chilshood, and sense of lack of worthiness).  Watch Teal's video on is your mind a friend or foe, maybe will clarify some stuff. Did for me immensely. 

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Thank you for your reply and input! 

Yes, you are absolutely right I am in my mind way too much. It's also been a struggle for a while. 

It's reassuring to hear you say that it's not only the mind that focuses though. It was truly helpful to hear your perspective, and there's a lot of truths in what you wrote (Always thinking, perfectionist, hate doing anything "wrong", have very specific ideas about what is good and bad.. and so on).

Shadowwork is definitely something I will be doing aswell. It's also helpful to hear you say I shouldn't pray for my loved ones, since it's out of fear. I will try and not do that and instead trust that their natural state of being is well and happy. 

Yes.. I believe pretty much everything, I take everything into account.. and I need to get better at feeling what is true and right for me. 

Thank you for your help :)

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Hello mind or thought or image. Thank you for making me aware that you are asking to be acknowledged by me. I appreciate that you are trying to serve me in any way you know how. You are doing exactly as you are programmed to do and for that I recognize you and your loyalty to my completion. You want to be seen as a part of me as you rightly should as you are a part of me. You were being shaped at that time while I was being shaped with you. I now see that I need you as much as you need me. Thank you for always being there for me my loyal companion. ..... any thing nurturing like this that feels comfortable for you will speed us your process. Gratitude is very unlocking of the subconscious. Saying thank you is good medicine for the mind. It is truly trying to help you. It just needs more time to understand what help you are truly in need of. Nurturing and letting it feel trusted and safe with you is so powerful. I did this. I was so afraid of everything. My thoughts were ripping me to shreds for years. My mind is generally 1 thought or even completely silent now. It took about 3 years ish for me. I had a few spurts of clear in that 3 years but it feels very permanent as of now. I have pretty much just good thoughts and the straining ones seem very noninvasive. Like they are sometimes there for 30 seconds to 5 minutes but then I'm back on track feeling. I couldn't meditate to solved this. I was too distracted by thoughts to be able to focus on my breath. I couldn't use music to solve this. I used to restart a song over and over 2 seconds in trying to focus on only the sound and not my thoughts. Made me feel like I had the attention span of a fruit fly lol. You're going to get thru this. All circumstances are temporary but you are eternal. Your seed may have taken a few years to sprout but it's going to grow 30 feet high lightening fast as soon as it exits the soil. Be patient with yourself youv e done everything right and you always will. 

Be like a comforting intimate friend to your own thoughts good bad and ugly. And if you need to show aggression feel free to Express yourself in the very moment it arrives. Let yourself be free uninhibited and angry when you feel it. And when you're ready to calm down, start the thank you for serving me emotions you are justified. You get it I know you do. 

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