Tegan_

One part wants to kill the other (help)

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One part wants to kill the other (help)

I've been trying to access the shame part of me for some time but I haven't been able to find her. At another attempt today though, the polar opposite part of me came up in the form of a green raging "hulk-type" aspect that legit wants to kill the shameful aspect. I felt like it was searching after the child and the moment it would find her he would rip her to pieces for he felt she had completely destroyed his life. Now it makes sense that I can't find the "hulk's" opposite because she of course has to be in hiding.

So now I'm at a loss for what to do. How can I get them to come closer? Do any of you have any idea what to do or say to the hulk or how to make the child feel safe to come out? Do I validate the hulk? lol, what to do? Appreciate any ideas!

 

 

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Of course you should validate the hulk. You should know, if you arrived there already. Digest this first, as that is what I see you're doing. And It's all you. 

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I would say that you validate the Hulk in that anger is sometimes appropriate and necessary.  But not in the sense that the Hulk is right to pick on or terrorize another part of yourself.  

You also have to validate the part of you that wants to run away and hide.  Life is scary sometimes.  The tender part of you has to learn that she can face the world and doesn’t need to invoke the Hulk.  She has her own strength as well.

(This brought up some emotions for me.  I’ll have to work my way through them when I get the chance.)

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7 hours ago, Mai-da said:

Of course you should validate the hulk. You should know, if you arrived there already. Digest this first, as that is what I see you're doing. And It's all you. 

I guess I became scared of him because he wanted to kill the other aspect and felt like if I validated him, it would make it "okay" to kill the child and the child would go even more into hiding. I feel like he has no right to want to kill the other part but yeah, that's probably the problem. I'll channel him later and try to be as validating and understanding as I can be and see what happens!

 

1 hour ago, Mark Joseph Middleton said:

Were you ashamed of the hulk?
What is it trying to tell you. What does that energy/feeling want to be.
What does it feel like when the hulk comes up.
Who told you the hulk was dangerous or bad. Why is it good for you instead? Treat the hulk the same way you'd treat any part of you. Whatever process you've got or go through.

Maybe then you'll see what you need to see/feel. Maybe they coexist together. Maybe they are the same part. Maybe one does bully the other. Maybe it just needs some love too. I don't know. There are a hundred things that could happen inside of you.

Today I have about 7 or eight parts of me inside in different ribs or muscles. I was going through them all. And yep some are polar opposites. I've this really really calm energy and this excitable nervousness both there. I don't know what the heck to do there lol.

Hmm, maybe you're onto something here, maybe I am ashamed of him too... I guess I need to love him and realize he has a reason for being like that.  The energy behind him is just that of murderous rage, wanting to rip limbs apart. Doesn't all parts have a polar opposite? I thought Teal said that in one of her workshops but I could be mistaken!  

3 minutes ago, Scot said:

I would say that you validate the Hulk in that anger is sometimes appropriate and necessary.  But not in the sense that the Hulk is right to pick on or terrorize another part of yourself.  

You also have to validate the part of you that wants to run away and hide.  Life is scary sometimes.  The tender part of you has to learn that she can face the world and doesn’t need to invoke the Hulk.  She has her own strength as well.

(This brought up some emotions for me.  I’ll have to work my way through them when I get the chance.)

Ah, this really resonated with me. Thank you! 

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1 hour ago, Tegan_ said:

I guess I became scared of him because he wanted to kill the other aspect and felt like if I validated him, it would make it "okay" to kill the child and the child would go even more into hiding. I feel like he has no right to want to kill the other part but yeah, that's probably the problem. I'll channel him later and try to be as validating and understanding as I can be and see what happens!

 

Hmm, maybe you're onto something here, maybe I am ashamed of him too... I guess I need to love him and realize he has a reason for being like that.  The energy behind him is just that of murderous rage, wanting to rip limbs apart. Doesn't all parts have a polar opposite? I thought Teal said that in one of her workshops but I could be mistaken!  

Ah, this really resonated with me. Thank you! 

honestly this is funny to me, because first of all, if it is HE, and you see it as separate from you, than it means it is an entity you have attracted and that you are possessed. However, i dont think this is the case with you. Is it a male version of you the reason why you call it a he? i'm sorry you sound(ed) like a girl to me, 

it's funny to me because even if it tried to kill the girl, the vulnerable part, can it really? this work is not real life, if i were you, i would let it express its rage, and see what happens. we dont need too much kindness, we need awareness, at least that is how I operate. kindness is part of awareness, but if you have that loads of rage, what you need is observation, no judgment, not trying to fix anything, but because you are getting to know parts of yourself, then, what does that part need, and this, and that... and you let it do what it wants. It's an inner exercise, you wont kill anyone outside of you, especially if you let yourself experience the anger in yourself, or let HIM ,again i dont understand this mixture of genders, do what it wants to do... eventually, the hulk, the murderer, the most hateful person(ality), is actually the most vulnerable one/part... 

in my imagination, i used to stab my mother, i used to stab myself, when i feel utterly revengeful, angry, hurt, betrayed, defeated, hurt, hated... but i am an artist at heart, so everything is allowed in my consciousness/heart/imagination, and in order for it to cleanse properly... if i let it 

...

<3 

Edited by Mai-da

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Weakness 

 

On one level I know that leaning into vulnerability is not weakness. It takes strength and courage.

And on one level, I want my heart to be open and filled with loving-kindness both for myself and for others.

And on one level, I know I need to treat myself with that loving kindness.  Self-nurturing is good.  Self-indulgence is okay once in a while. And I know that self-abuse is not good.  

But on another level, I wonder why I am so weak that I need self-nurturing?  Why am I so weak that I need to treat myself with loving-kindness?   I shouldn’t be so weak to need that. I should be strong enough that I don’t need all of that.  But I’m not.

Fine. I am weak.  I’ll admit it.  But I only hope that I’m not alone.

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Originally Hulk is a character that was hit by massive amounts of gama-reys and it resulted in accelerated growth. So, yes, I'd be angry too. 

Explore if you relate to this. 

It takes more strength to look at yourself then at someone else. 

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On 3/12/2018 at 10:14 PM, Garnet said:

Originally Hulk is a character that was hit by massive amounts of gama-reys and it resulted in accelerated growth. So, yes, I'd be angry too. 

Bruce Banner was researching how people could achieve absolutely amazing feats of strength under extreme circumstances.   Like mothers lifting up a car to release their child that is trapped underneath.  Enough adrenaline and maybe each one of us could lift a car. Stuff like that. So he hit himself intentionally with gamma radiation to see if he could achieve those same feats.  It worked.... but he released the beast.

Figuratively speaking, the Hulk is inside of each one and every one of us.  It is there for our protection.  The Hulk is strong but doesn’t have the power of conscious thought.

Quote

It takes more strength to look at yourself than at someone else. 

Absolutely!

Edited by Scot

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On 3/12/2018 at 2:26 PM, Mai-da said:

honestly this is funny to me, because first of all, if it is HE, and you see it as separate from you, than it means it is an entity you have attracted and that you are possessed. However, i dont think this is the case with you. Is it a male version of you the reason why you call it a he? i'm sorry you sound(ed) like a girl to me, 

it's funny to me because even if it tried to kill the girl, the vulnerable part, can it really? this work is not real life, if i were you, i would let it express its rage, and see what happens. we dont need too much kindness, we need awareness, at least that is how I operate. kindness is part of awareness, but if you have that loads of rage, what you need is observation, no judgment, not trying to fix anything, but because you are getting to know parts of yourself, then, what does that part need, and this, and that... and you let it do what it wants. It's an inner exercise, you wont kill anyone outside of you, especially if you let yourself experience the anger in yourself, or let HIM ,again i dont understand this mixture of genders, do what it wants to do... eventually, the hulk, the murderer, the most hateful person(ality), is actually the most vulnerable one/part... 

in my imagination, i used to stab my mother, i used to stab myself, when i feel utterly revengeful, angry, hurt, betrayed, defeated, hurt, hated... but i am an artist at heart, so everything is allowed in my consciousness/heart/imagination, and in order for it to cleanse properly... if i let it 

...

<3 

Well the gender thing really has to do with the energy behind it, and I feel "he" (yes, me), has a masculine energy behind it. Plus, I distinctly remember Teal saying in one of her workshops that it's common for fragmented parts to be either "male" or "female". This is not a negative "entity", the reason I see it as separate from me is because of dissociation which is what parts work is all about.

On 3/13/2018 at 2:35 AM, Scot said:

Weakness 

 

On one level I know that leaning into vulnerability is not weakness. It takes strength and courage.

And on one level, I want my heart to be open and filled with loving-kindness both for myself and for others.

And on one level, I know I need to treat myself with that loving kindness.  Self-nurturing is good.  Self-indulgence is okay once in a while. And I know that self-abuse is not good.  

But on another level, I wonder why I am so weak that I need self-nurturing?  Why am I so weak that I need to treat myself with loving-kindness?   I shouldn’t be so weak to need that. I should be strong enough that I don’t need all of that.  But I’m not.

Fine. I am weak.  I’ll admit it.  But I only hope that I’m not alone.

This is something I've been thinking about lately actually, that I (and us as a collective) have a strong tendency to view kindness and vulnerability as weakness when in fact, to show oneself as vulnerable is one of the bravest (strongest) things to do, right? And that there's a lot of positive shadow in perceived "weakness".

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On 3/13/2018 at 3:14 AM, Garnet said:

Originally Hulk is a character that was hit by massive amounts of gama-reys and it resulted in accelerated growth. So, yes, I'd be angry too. 

Explore if you relate to this. 

It takes more strength to look at yourself then at someone else. 

I did not know this and it made me laugh. I never knew why that character was mad, lol.

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On 3/11/2018 at 4:05 PM, Tegan_ said:

he felt she had completely destroyed his life

Love the Hulk. He's angry because he's afraid he's lost his life forever. Give it back to him, show him he's loved, show him he's beautiful. Remember beauty and the Beast? King Kong? Twas beauty soothed the savage breast...

The Hulk is the child hiding behind the anger. He's angry because he feels shamed!

@toemilyjune sound familiar?

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