Ramses Rodriguez

Help- Anxiety caused by deadlines

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Help- Anxiety caused by deadlines

My friend tells me that he knows he has some sort of hang-up with respects to time. He told me that anytime he has a commitment to something, a deadline, or a favor to follow-through on, he gets a sense of panic. He freaks out in a sense. He is a chiropractor, a laboratory technical assistant, a professor, a cycling instructor, and an optician. He works constantly, probably over 60 hrs a week.

I have brought this up to him: "maybe you are doing too much?"

He says that he loves doing all his work but he is more frustrated with the chaos he feels when he has time crunches. I've brought up the idea that maybe he is keeping busy because he might be avoiding something, perhaps himself? He does meditate but lately has not given himself the quality of time he needs to really be present with himself.

Could he be dealing with "self-sabotage" (in quotes because I do realize that self- sabotage doesn't really exist) caused by a fragmented self not wanting to be present? Could this be an addiction to stress?

Please share any explanations, personal experiences or techniques that may help him out. I do care about this person but I see that he is isolating himself from life now!

Best,

Ramses Rodriguez

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No, not really. He feels as though if he does not do it himself it wont get done correctly. He and I have talked about this. He has had withdrawal enmeshment trauma so he essentially feels like he should do everything on his own.

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Well... if he can't delegate that means he doesn't have those who he feels he could rely on. 

The only solution I can see here is to take on less projects. Prioritise what's the most important. 

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It could be a parental trauma. By working hard and keeping himself busy, he could be validating his dad's advice. 'If he doesnt do that he loses love and validation from dad'...this could be the mechanism underneath his chaotic actions. Please ask him if it is so

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Thank I will. He an I have definitely talked about some of this. In his own words he said "I seem to be having an issue with time. but I'll figure it out." He has mentioned that his family "expected" him to do well in school. His parents had divorced when he was around 6 and now hes 54. When he was younger he did not know where he was going to be in the weekend but he didn't know which parent he and his two brothers were going to stay with. Yet, they expected them to do well.

He admittedly said he is having trouble identifying why deadlines, projects, or time, in general are affecting him. To me its obviously him just doing too much but he wants to understand why he is triggered with panic. Essentially, he notices that some don't panic with a lot of work to do but he does. so he pushes people away and only focuses on tasks because unless they are complete he does not rest easy.

He suffers from insomnia as well. 

I don't know what techniques to offer. Would awareness alone help?

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When you're mentioned deadlines, I thought people with ADHD have an issues to complete they tasks and projects, a week or two ago I've posted a link with helpful coping techniques of Linda Walker (she's coucher),  you can find on YouTube. Main thing is struggling to manage the timelines in your reality. Is never late to know your self better.

P.s. he have to watch him self to feel what resonates with in 

Edited by vincent

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What exactly he has to achieve when you are saying time crunches or panic due to time?

When the person is not competent enough or not an artist in his profession then surely he will feel burden of the quality of work and time as well. Its a double trouble. If he seriously wishes to be multi tasker then he needs to become an artist or at least unconciously competent enough to do the work confidently. Please ask him which areas of his profession gives him panic and sort out the critical areas and give him training or give it up if he has no confidence in that area

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39 minutes ago, Ramses Rodriguez said:

Essentially, he notices that some don't panic with a lot of work to do but he does. so he pushes people away and only focuses on tasks because unless they are complete he does not rest easy.

This would depend on his personal ability to organize what needs to be done.

I find that writing down a plan of attack helps seeing the picture more clear and from that point it is easier to schedule tasks with accordings of time available/needed for complishing: day, week, month etc.

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Thanks everyone!

I will summarize this conversation. I will let him know:

1. explore aspects of self-doubt pertaining to tasks with deadlines.

2. explore reason for keeping so busy. Is it for a particular reason, say, subconscious need for approval?

3. explore opportunities to delegate

4. explore options for organization 

5. explore options for time management

Is there anything left out here?

Also, any tips on how someone like this may find relief from insomnia? I think the obvious answer is "do less." But he feels an obligation to some of these commitments. So perhaps a temporary technique? 

 

oh and...

6. Linda Walker, ADHD Coach

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I think, it is better not to dump all the solutions at once. He has acquired this work load gradually and it is to be reduced gradually as well. Pareto chart teaches us to focus on more significant reasons behind any issue. In his case, first 2 reasons are the major ones. So, you may have to take it one by one and stand by him as a replacement father, comforting him with assurances unlike his parents and give him your unconditional presence and then slowly slowly introduce other solutions. And please remember 'No shaming' while doing that

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27 minutes ago, Aquarian said:

I think, it is better not to dump all the solutions at once. He has acquired this work load gradually and it is to be reduced gradually as well. Pareto chart teaches us to focus on more significant reasons behind any issue. In his case, first 2 reasons are the major ones. So, you may have to take it one by one and stand by him as a replacement father, comforting him with assurances unlike his parents and give him your unconditional presence and then slowly slowly introduce other solutions. And please remember 'No shaming' while doing that

I'm hardly imagining how to be father to 54 old man, I just can guess that slow motion influencing technique, which has gaslighting aspect, will be cracked in 5th second by him after you walk in. I would go easier way ,,straight to the salt" Hear is what I'm worrying about , and This  what my friends thinking about that.

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