amandapanda

i did it again

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i did it again

I have a long back story to this but, I will not bore anyone with it.

long story short. I have manifested (yet again) a very painful situation where I have strong feelings of a romantic nature for someone who 

does not either A. See/feel/ sense the chemistry or connection  B. chooses to ignore it or suppress it and gets into a relationship with someone else.

I am left feeling like I imagined the whole thing and rejected - not good enough and silly for having feelings for someone who did not reciprocate them.

Any of you who have had this happen will know the exquisite pain of unrequited feelings. 

But the question is WHY - why do I keep manifesting this situation!?

(and I am aware of the positive in this - I'm not ready for a relationship - Health problems probably would have gotten in the way anyway... but still, it hurts so bad to not be loved by someone you admire.) 

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Hi

It's very understandable that it's painful to you. Being rejected is not something that we should try to like just because we are told that there are positives in it

Look at it this way. Every time you feel that hurt you have an amazing opportunity to validate the part of you that feels maybe silly or naive for falling in love like that, by talking nicely to her and acknowledge that there is good reason that you act this way, hoping for that experience that you envisioned with that person. Maybe you feel things so intensely and you feel such a real connection to them because you are so aware of the divine within each person, but many times they might not be aware of that about themselves. Maybe it keeps being manifested for you just as the best learning ground, that teaches you that you will not be able enjoy someone else's approval, love, understanding, acceptance until you approve, understand, accept and love yourself thru this series of ongoing heartbreaks, even if you might have to go thru it alone, you will not be alone forever, you are not cursed or doomed.. you are just being shown the way to make the step of committing to yourself instead of waiting for others to rescue you

Often the subconscious urge to be with someone is due to the longing we have for our own love and acceptance, which is also felt during the experience of someone loving and accepting us. Our society has been twisted and corrupted enough that we ended up believing that true love is a kind of fairy tale scenario where someone rescues someone else and loves them forever, when in fact that does not work long term and even in short term it creates lots of anxiety because we basically hold ourselves hostage to the other person's ability to love and accept us. That kind of Romeo and Juliet love is not real love, only the ecstasy of an attached kind or romance. I wont pretend like i know what real love is, but it is not that for sure, it hurt too much to be love, it was only me trying to escape. I imagine that real love is between two people who can be truly strong in their own individuality, thus accepting that they need another, but from a space of allowing and surrender, not anxious attachment. I have no proof for that yet, but i decided that i will trust in this intuition

Don't waste any time thinking about why they did this or not did that, because any moment spent thinking about that is a moment where you are not fully in your body, feeling this and letting it ignite the inspiration it was meant to ignite. This is manifesting only to give you a chance to surrender to these feelings that are being triggered by the pattern.

The best way you can allow yourself to feel this fully, at your own pace and as slow as you need in order to feel safe, is to learn to be soft with yourself and give yourself the benefit of the doubt, don't judge yourself for being naive, because the part that might act naive is only trying to express the innocence that others have stepped on in the past... maybe that is why she expressed the innocence in a childish way, falling in love so effortlessly 

Also maybe there is also also alternative C. which is that maybe the person is on such a different path that it made no sense to be with you/ it just didn't happen because their inertia was in a a completely different direction. Or maybe they did run away, who knows. 

You say that this happens again and again... then don't add to the pain of rejection by rejecting the feelings you have or rejecting yourself for being 'not good enough for them'

If indeed you are not ready for a relationship then maybe take it easy and take things slower when you find someone who you are attracted to. We often leave ourselves behind running for someone else

Hope it helps

Edited by Matei

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11 hours ago, Matei said:

 Every time you feel that hurt you have an amazing opportunity to validate the part of you that feels maybe silly or naive for falling in love like that, by talking nicely to her and acknowledge that there is good reason that you act this way, hoping for that experience that you envisioned with that person.

Maybe you feel things so intensely and you feel such a real connection to them because you are so aware of the divine within each person,

Often the subconscious urge to be with someone is due to the longing we have for our own love and acceptance, which is also felt during the experience of someone loving and accepting us. 

Thank you for your reply. I think you are right on with these. So thanks for the clarity. It has eased some of the pain.

I would like to add - as a side note that - it was completely out of my control ( or at least it very much felt that way ) falling for this person almost instantly. I wasn't looking to fall for anyone. I know I have a lot of work to do on loving myself first.. and I need to be single. But ALAS life threw this guy into my path and BOOM there it was. Lightning bolt of emotions!  SO frustrating. 

I had a powerful dream with him in it just last night, which is so hard to ignore and just write off... 

Anyway, thanks for listening and your reply!

Best!

 

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You are very welcome. Takes no time or effort for me to write a long post like that

Yes, i get that it felt out of your control, but don't try to control it and instead relax.. then you will find the way in which you can actually have control, which is by cultivating an authentic relationship with the innocent part of you that holds the key to manifestation and keeps manifesting all this, and it wont let you touch that key until she trusts that you are on her side fully and you understand and validate what she is going thru. It all boils down to the splits and fragmentation. So pull all your parts in, by sinking into your body and letting yourself be like this

At the same time there is another part that feels left behind every time you fall for someone and put them above yourself.. that is where the frustration with your own behavior comes from, it comes from abandoning yourself in wanting someone

So balance wanting someone with wanting to be with yourself. At the same time balance the part of you that dislikes the constant falling in love with the part that wants lots of love. Balance it only by knowing that even though you can't please both at the same time, you can give both parts what they actually need, which is you validating, accepting and loving all the parts of you that are still separate

Good luck to you

Edited by Matei
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It's tough when you in a whirlpool of overwhelming feelings, in reality it's about validation, maybe in a current place you missing that, look at your qualities been resonated that's what you want to be that's who you are, in a life it's not about who you going to be with, it's Codependency, it's about what you do, what you radiate out of you that you will attract. Sorry but instead continuing listening song Love Hurts which is will makes just more hurt, look what you can create out to the world of that beautiful energy. Lol

 

 

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Hello Amanda,

I don't know if I can find the right words to comfort the heartache you are currently in. If I could hug you, I would do this and spend time with you.

My intuition tells me that your situation is most likely the result of the relationship dynamic you're repeating: what do you do when you notice your feelings developing for another? See, it is one thing to feel that yourself,  but it may take some time for another person to notice that too. Do you give that space to the person? Or do you express yourself in a way that it lets him know very soon? Perhaps he could perceive you as "too agressive".  If the other person is in his "early stage" the stronger feelings coming from you might push him away . It is actually very common for people to be scared by love. 

Take care of yourself and your your health. When you are well, the chemistry aligns itself. 

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thank you @Garnet and @MistaRender for you kind words and advice.  I appreciate it very much.  I did fall quite instantly but I doubt he ever could really tell. BUT its also quiet possible he picked up on it. He has done a ton of plant medicine. So I don't know how sensitive that has made him to picking up on things. He at least SEEMED fairly perceptive. But I don't really put out a flirty vibe.  It was he who initally seemed to be initiating....He kept mentioning that I should come back home and move to the area where he lives. I initially wrote it off. Thinking to myself he was just being nice and trying to be helpful. That it didn't indicate a particular affection for me. But he mentioned it again a few months later. I began to take it to heart.  Then he saw something one day that I had made and said that he would love to work on some clothing line together. I got really excited about  that  because i thought that it would be a way to get to know each other and spend time together. But, shortly after that he said that it would be 2-3 months before we could collaborate. Well, in that time of me patiently waiting. Apparently he found a girlfriend..... Yeeeeeeaaaaahhh.  As i am writing this I'm kind of seeing that he was kind of a jerk to me. Blowing me off and making half promises that never came through.  I got my hopes up too much on this guy. I know that. But I was excited by him, he seemed more awake and aware than any guy I've met in person before.  Well, anyway, thank you all for listening! Your support means more than you know.

Blessings!

Edited by amandapanda

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I relate to this so much :( My “relationship” history is just a history of unrequited love... I fall for someone thinking that it must be mutual, then find out later that it’s not. The guy usually initiates intimacy at first, then withdraws or rejects me when I’ve grown attached. Maybe it’s because I grow impatient and insecure very quickly after I start liking someone, and they feel that, or it’s something else. Either way, I’m quite pessimistic now about relationships and dating. Always being told to “love myself first before anyone can love me” and so tired of it. It’s like saying the punishment of not loving yourself is to never be loved by someone else. I envy the people who have immediate, effortless mutual chemistry and who never have to fear “falling in love” - for me now “falling in love” is a sign of danger. But I guess I always plunge into it anyway...

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Amanda, don't blame yourself. LoA has nothing to do with it.

I posted last night two articles in the discussion "What do healthy relationships look like" :

- the worst thing you can do to a man

- the worst thing you can do to a woman 

Please read it and see if it answers some your questions. 

From what I am reading here you did everything right. You trusted him. He took advantage of it.

Assholes like he is are the ones who keep perpetuating pain in this world. 

The best thing you can do is to lead yourself to a better life.

If he can raise to the light from his own puddle of $hit , flag into his hands. 

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